And Then What?
by Silverlaugh
Summary: According to the Suna elders, the time has come for the current Kazekage to take a wife and begin the new generation of shinobi in the Village Hidden in the Sand. Unfortunately neither Gaara nor his new bride, Koshinja, have any say in the matter. So when two complete strangers are forced to live under the same roof in a union neither really wants, it's marriage... and then what?
1. Dionysian

**A/N: New fic! My god, it's been a while. My first try at an MA story, and yes this doubles as a warning. If you continue to read, there will be adult themes and adult language, both explicit in nature. Read at your own discretion. So, respectful feedback is welcomed, comments are treasured, and favorites of any kind are always a gift :). If you decide to let me know what you think, or if you have any questions or suggestions, feel absolutely free to be as brutally honest as you so choose just please, keep it respectful. I hope you enjoy 'And Then What?', a Gaara/OC fanfic.**

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1\. Dionysian

I didn't choose to marry the Kazekage, such a decision was beyond my control. When the elders came to my house so late in the evening three months ago, I thought terrible news awaited me. I'm not so sure how accurate that prediction was. I mean, it's not like I'm too old, I think 22 is fairly young. But I'm still older than the Kazekage by two years. So, why did they choose me?

"Are you alright?" The voice of the Kazekage perked my ears and shook me from my deliberation. I looked over to him to find that he'd eaten all of his food while I'd barely made a dent in mine. I smiled at him and nodded, grateful for the concern. I mean, he wasn't as scary as everyone made him out to be. But then again, I'd never thought of him as scary. Intimidating, yes. But not scary.

He rose from his chair and grabbed his plate. "Thank you for the meal. Please excuse me, I have some paperwork that I must finish by the end of the night."

"Of course, Lord Kazekage."

He set his plate in the sink and let the kitchen and me to my thoughts. He was a quiet one, so I supposed being married to him wouldn't be all bad. The elders told me I was to serve him as his wife and to care for him in the natural way a woman cares for a man, whatever that means. Honestly, I hadn't intended on tying the knot until well into my thirties. But I guess it can't be helped. I don't know what they're so worried about or why they think matrimony is the answer, but this is the role I've been assigned and I'll do my best to play it out.

The sound of my phone vibrating against the table brought me from my inner thoughts. I grabbed the phone before it could hang up. "Hello?"

"Hey Koshinja, I was just calling to see how you were doing."

"Oh hey Ichina," Boy was I glad to hear her voice. "He just finished eating, if you were going to ask."

"Oh." I could hear the naughtiness in her voice. "Was he eating out?"

I could feel the heat turning my face red. "Ichina stop it, you know it's not like that. We may be married but-"

She laughed. "I know, I know, I was just kidding. I know how you can blush. Okay, well then call me if you need me. Otherwise, see you at work tomorrow."

I hung up the phone without really saying goodbye. And this is how the days had been for the past three months. I'd go to work, return to my new home to find the Kazekage in his study, he'd look at me once and go back to work, then I'd get dinner ready, we'd eat in silence, he'd leave to finish working, sometimes Ichina would call, then I'd get ready for bed. The Kazekage always seemed to be up late and up early, I've never really felt him in the bed besides me. I go to sleep and he's not there, I wake up and he's not there. Although this living arrangement isn't ideal, I still want to do something to help him out with the inevitable stress, and I know just the thing.

…

I raised my hand to knock on the door. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to do it. Like I said, the Kazekage wasn't scary, he just was really intimidating. His turquoise eyes were beautiful, no doubt, but their intense gaze was enough to make me want to sit down and stay out of the way. I was about to abort the mission when I heard his voice filter softly through the door.

"You may enter."

I swallowed and opened the door. When I entered the room I realized just how badly I was shaking, and I hoped he wouldn't notice. "Lord Kazekage I'm sorry to disturb you so late in the night. It's just that I thought you might like a snack," I offered him the pineapple flavored chocolate cluster I'd purchased from the late-night shop owner. "I don't know if you have much of a sweet tooth but the man at the shop said these were good stress relievers so I bought you one."

He nodded, giving me permission to approach his desk and set the candy on it. He reached for it and to my disappointment, set it aside. I didn't want to linger too long and foster unnecessary awkwardness so I bolted out of the room before either one of us could say anything else.

Back in my, er our, room, I popped the second cluster into my mouth. I'd bought one for myself too. It was really yummy, tangy and sweet. Just the sweet treat I needed, and with good timing too. I didn't have to go into work until later tomorrow thanks to repairs on the building so I was going to have a relaxing night and morning which started with my favorite pillow and some late night reading. I was reaching for the pillow and accidentally knocked it off the bed which was irritating. I leaned over the side of the bed to retrieve it when suddenly my body felt hot. I pulled myself back up and I was shaking, trembling as if the night air had somehow infiltrated my room. But the shivering didn't make sense given the heat pulsating throughout my body. Without much thought a moan escaped my lips, filling the otherwise silent room. I didn't understand what was happening although slowly it was becoming clear to me that my body had been sent into a state of extreme arousal. I could feel my nipples harden as they brushed the inside of my cotton night shirt. The bedsheets against my thighs were too soft and teasing. I could hear my labored breathing almost as loudly as my thoughts as the ache between my legs was making itself apparent. My toes were curling as the strain on my intimacy turned painful and I knew I needed to do something about this before it got out of control.

I was preparing to make a beeline for the bathroom when suddenly the door flew open. It was the Kazekage in a state in which I'd never seen him before. His eyelids fell seductively over his turquoise pupils, lashes casting shadows over a bright pink blush. His lips were parted slightly and I could see how heavily he was breathing, not so much hear it. Besides the physical state he was in, I noticed that he wasn't wearing his robes. Actually, he wasn't wearing anything except for a pair of baggy black pants that fell off his body slightly, exposing the tender flesh of his hips. He turned his eyes on me and I could see the hunger nestled in his stare, I could feel it wrack my body.

Before I could blink he was between my legs, his hips pushing me roughly against the bedside table. His hands were on either sides of my waist, gripping the furniture. His shinobi senses must have taken over considering how quickly he moved. His lips were hovering above the skin of my neck, his breath teasing the area. When finally he pressed his mouth to me, I rushed to cover my mouth to hide the moan. Immediately he was grabbing my hips, picking me up and nearly throwing me on the bed. I was trapped in between his knees as he used one hand to restrain my wrists above my head.

"Don't move."

It wasn't a request that he uttered as he returned to my neck, this time licking the skin slowly up to my ear. I could feel his other hand as it moved past my night shorts and into my panties, heading to cover my slit before slipping a finger inside. I didn't realize how wet I'd been and groaned at his quickened pace.

"Please Kazekage-sama, I need..." I could feel the blush spreading across my cheeks as I bit my lip. He seemed to get the message though and suddenly I found myself flipped over with my panties and shorts at my knees as he lifted my hips into the air. I could feel the warmth of his cock as he rubbed it against me before pushing in. I moaned loudly at the feeling of him inside me. I could feel myself getting closer and closer to climax as he pumped in and out of me. His movements were fast and hard and it felt so good it hurt. Using one hand to support myself, I reached to other hand to my opening and found my clit and began to rub in in time with his thrusts. Suddenly he had leaned over and was at my ear, breathing rugged breaths before biting my ear. The sounds he was making paired with the pain and pleasure I was feeling drove me over the edge as my walls started contracting and my body convulsed as I came. That must have pushed him over too because he pulled out and I could feel the warmth of his cum as it spurted onto my back.

Out of breath and spent we both collapsed, just as we were, pants and underwear down, covered in the end result of a good time.

…

I awoke to the gentle warmth of the sun on my face. I blinked for a moment before recalling the events of the previous night. Involuntarily my breath caught as a blush spread across my face. _We..._ I turned over to find the Kazekage gone, only the ruffled bed sheets a sign that he'd even been there. Thinking back on the night before I know I must have been as red as his hair, but I couldn't ignore the slight pulsing between my legs. That was the first time anyone had made me come through penetration. And although an embarrassing thought, I wouldn't mind having a little bit of that again.

I shook the thoughts away from my mind. Okay so that happened, whatever. It really wasn't a big deal. People slept with people they barely knew all the time, and he was my husband so really there shouldn't have been much to think about. But however logically I wished to approach the situation, as the day progressed, I couldn't get the leader of the Suna off my mind. All throughout my shift at the hospital, the red haired shinobi kept taking over my mind. I I was standing in line to punch out when I felt someone slink their arm around my shoulders.

"Hey Shinja, you were pretty quiet today, something on your mind?" It was Ichina, loud as ever.

"Shut up." I tried not to sound irritated but truthfully I had been struggling with the decision of telling my best friend about my sexscapade with the great Lord Kazekage for the majority of the day. The entire ordeal was pretty stressful actually. I punched in my ID and turned around to look at Ichina, flashing her a smile. "Walk me home?"

On the way to my house, I told her everything. Throughout my story her face stayed the same, which bothered me. She had the detached expression of a therapist instead of my best girlfriend. I kept telling her she was in the wrong line of work.

"Sounds like you had quite the big 'O' last night." she mused.

"Honestly, it might have been the best I've ever had. I don't know how he got that good for being so young."

Ichina shrugged. "Maybe it's just natural talent. He is gifted in many other ways."

I smirked. "You're telling me."

"Well if it was _that_ good, maybe you should do something in return for him." She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively although what she was suggesting, I wasn't really sure. We'd made it to the gate of my house and I looked away. I would have been much redder than him had it not been for the fact that I'd thought his reaction so cute.

Sitting down in my seat I cut into the salmon. It was good but it needed a little pepper. Apparently he thought so too because our fingers brushed each other's when we both reached for the shaker. Immediately I withdrew my hand and the pepper fell to the floor. A moment passed in which we both stared at one another and I saw the blush on his cheeks had deepened to a lively pink. We were a mess and effectively making one. Before we could get any more awkward, I rushed to the floor to find the pepper. So preoccupied with the task was I that when I looked up I was only a few inches away from the Kazekage's crotch. And suddenly Ichina's suggestion came back to mind, prompting the moment in which I knew how to properly thank him for the pleasure he'd given me last night.

With a really quick pep talk, I nuzzled my face in the Kazekage's crotch. I heard the sharp intake of breath from above and realized he'd stopped breathing. In that instant I put it in my head to have him breathless by the end of this experience. He smelled musty which wasn't all that bad actually. And as blow jobs weren't my forte, most of my actions were experimental. I kisses up and down the inner seam of his pants, feeling the growing hardness against my skin. Heat was emanating from his body and suddenly I found myself turned on. I reached up and found the zipper to his pants which I pulled down and to my surprise, his erection sprang free. I wanted to ask him why he wasn't wearing underwear but by this time he was breathing again, I could tell because he let out a little moan when I kissed the head of his cock. It was so warm, it actually felt nice against my lips. So I trailed kisses along his shaft, down to the base of his member where two soft and no doubtedly hard-at-work bals awaited me. I took one in my mouth and sucked it gently before doing the same with the other. Through the space between him and the table I could see his stomach moving in and out, clenching and unclenching as I started to move my hand up and down, pumping his cock slowly. Now I could hear more moans and they just egged me on, drove me to take the head of his hard cock in my mouth and move it down as far as I could. Whatever I couldn't manage to fit in my mouth I continued to pump with my hand and I made a mental note to learn how to deepthroat. I moved up and down on his cock, bobbing my head to a rhythm I was comfortable with. He was openly moaning down and the room was filled with the decadent sound of his pleasure as well as the delicious smell of both of my meals.

I felt him push deeper in my throat as he moved forward in the chair. I did my best not to gag as one of my eyes filled with water. It seemed like he wanted control but the way he was sitting restricted his movement and left him at my mercy, which I liked. But I knew he was close so I did my best to speed it up and take more of him in my mouth. With a wrenched groan and gasp of air, he came, shooting warm liquid into the back of my throat. I'd had him so far in my mouth that I'd had no choice but to swallow although I did so with little pleasure. I proceeded to lick the cum that escaped my mouth from his semi-hard cock which sent visible trembles through his body. As he pushed his chair away from the table I realized how horny I'd become. But how did you ask THE Kazekage for sex? I couldn't do that. So as I rose from underneath the table, I did so with my eyes to the ground. I was making my way to go when he caught my wrist.

"Wait." The singular command was enough to make me stay. "Why did you do that?"

I was confused. "You didn't like it?"

"No that's not it at all. I'm simply curious."

I dared to meet his eyes which were staring at me intently through the haze of the after-orgasm. "Well last night you-" I bit my lip and turned away. If I was going to say this, it was going to have to be all at one time. The words came out in a rush. "Last night when we fucked you gave me such a great orgasm that I wanted to do something for you in return."

He was silent for a moment. "Well, thank you." He said and let my wrist fall to my side. "It was... really good."

I couldn't deny my pride at hearing him say that. "Thank you." I felt my lips pull into a small smile.

"Um," He seemed at a loss for words, another state I'd never seen him in. "I've tended to all of the necessary work for the night. Perhaps I could, um, reciprocate what you've done for me."

I fully looked at him then and blinked a few times. "Reciprocate?"

He nodded, his face bright red. "Yes. If you wish I could perform oral sex for you."

His embarrassment was contagious, I found myself twiddling my fingers before a realization struck. One of us had to be brave or assertive or something. Although embarrassing, I was growing tired of turning red in these sexually charged situations. I don't know where the courage came from, most likely some feral need resonating from the ache between my legs, but I decided to throw the inhibition out the window. "Honestly Lord Kazekage," As I said the words, I bended over and draped the front half of my body over the dinner table which suspiciously was missing food. I knew my skirt was higher than needed, exposing the blue lace panties I was wearing. "If it's okay with you, I'd like very much to feel your tongue."

I felt his cool fingers as they pushed themselves into the waistband of my panties and slowly pulled them down. His touch was cold but exciting as he traced one of his fingers along my lips.

"You're very wet." He commented. Suddenly I felt the warm and wet sensation of his tongue against my sex. He ran it slowly along my slit before prodding slightly in between my lips. I moaned and he took it as encouragement, plunging his tongue into my hole. Before I knew it he was moving his tongue rapidly in and out, effectively tongue-fucking me. I moaned loudly then, loving the feeling of his mouth in a place so intimate. But he wasn't quite doing the thing I needed him to.

As if he could read my thoughts, the Kazekage moved his tongue down further, sliding it to my clit. When he made contact, I grabbed the table tightly, enjoying the intense pleasure it brought me. Suddenly he was sucking on it and I was doing all I could not to move too much despite my shaking legs.

"Do you enjoy that Koshinja?" Hearing him say my name in between sucks on my clit prompted a loud moan in response. "Honestly Koshinja you've made me hard again." His comment seemed merely informative but I had to wonder if that was truly his intent when suddenly I felt a finger slip inside of me. He must have known I was getting close because he started alternating between licking and sucking my clit while simultaneously moving his finger in and out of me. When he added a second finger, I moaned out his name.

"Lord Kazekage," I said it breathlessly because by that time the pleasure was too intense. And when he accidentally missed my clit and licked the area of stretched out nerves right beneath it, I came. I felt myself contracting around his fingers which he'd kept moving. Upon the removal of his fingers I felt him grab my hips and suddenly I was in his lap, his hard member pushed against me. His hand was underneath my chin, exposing my neck to him which he licked slowly. He stopped by my ear and chewed the lobe softly. "From now on, whenever I'm pleasuring you, say my name, not my title."

And without warning he entered me. He was doing most of the moving himself, using one hand which was wrapped around my waist to hold me in place while also thrusting his hips upward and into me. And just like that I was shameless, nearly shouting in pleasure as he rammed himself into me. His other hand he had massaging one of my nipples and without meaning to I leaned my head back to face him. His eyes were closed in undeniable ecstasy and without thinking I kissed him. He shoved his tongue in my mouth and I knew we could taste each other. I could feel the climax coming in the kiss and pulled away to catch my breath as his kisses met the corner of my mouth and trailed down to my neck. I could feel my release come when he gave one good thrust and shot into me, biting down hard on my neck.

"Gaara!" I cried out as my orgasm hit. When the waves began to recede I fell back against him, feeling the rapid rise and fall of his chest. I was done in and trying to figure out how in the world I was going to make it to our room when he lifted me up. His cock sliding out of me sent little jolts of pleasure through my afterglow. He pulled up his pants and, to my surprise, gathered me into his arms. He moved so quickly through the house that we were in the bedroom in a flash. He lay me on the bed before climbing in himself and turning towards the bathroom door. I pouted a little, I was in the mood for contact.

"What is it?"

I blushed, caught. "Well I was wondering if we could... cuddle?"

He didn't say anything, just scooted backwards towards me. I took it as a yes and although it wasn't exactly the way it was supposed to be done, I fell asleep spooning with the Kazekage, holding him comfortably in my arms.


	2. Patient X

2\. Patient X

Waking up the next morning my eyes were blurrier than normal and as the image of the Kazekage's sleeping face faded into view, I wasn't sure whether or not I was still sleeping. His hair fell softly over his forehead, exposing fully the red Kanji in the upper right hand corner. I knew it meant love and for an inexplicable reason felt a pang of sadness. I was reaching up to move aside some of his hair in order to see the tattoo better when his hand caught my wrist and me off guard. With his eyes still closed he said "That's not a good idea." His grip wasn't hurtful and as he loosened it, he opened his eyes. The bluish pupils appeared slowly, like a turquoise sunrise on a dark planet.

"Love?" I questioned. He didn't respond, simply dropped my hand and rose from beneath the bedsheets. I didn't want to be a bother but my curiosity burned too brightly.

"When did you get it, if you don't mind me asking. It's just that it's red and I haven't come across a tattoo artist who uses that color." I tried.

He sighed, understanding that I wasn't going to let up. "It was a long time ago."

I pursed my lips. "She must have meant a lot to you. Believe it or not, I understand commemorating loved ones, even those that leave you." I lifted my hair to reveal the crescent moon hanging from my hairline. "It's for my parents. On the night they met, there was a terrible sandstorm. The only thing they could see through it was the moon, so they watched it all night." I let my hair fall back to my shoulders.

"What happened to them?" he asked.

"They were killed on a mission to the village hidden in the sound five years ago." I had to stop myself from delving too much deeper for fear I might cry. Before I realized what was happening, the Kazekage had stood, placed his hands at his sides, and bowed his head.

"I apologize for your loss. At that time I had not yet found my light. I lead the Sand's involvement with those destructive ninja at the time. I hold myself responsible for your parents' death. I hope you can forgive me for the pain I've caused you." He didn't move for a moment and there was silence between us. I smiled. I knew it, he was kind.

I stretched myself out to him and reached for his chin, leading his gaze to mine. "I know what happened, it wasn't your fault. The leaders of both the Sand and the Sound used you for military advancement. When they informed me of my mother and father's death, they told me everything."

His eyes were wide, staring at me as if he couldn't believe what I'd said. He was visually uncomfortable, his muscles tensing before averting his eyes. "Yashamaru. My uncle. That's who I loss when I got the tattoo." And then he was gone, disappeared into the bathroom to prepare for the day. I rose from the bed regardless and made my way to the closet. I grabbed the closest robe and covered myself, looking in the mirror as I did so. I noticed a purplish mark on the side of my neck, and touched it gingerly. I saw the blush spread across my cheeks as I remembered the previous night. The Kazekage walked into the closet and paused, noticing the bruise. I quickly tried to hide the spot but I was too late. A guilty look crossed his face before he walked towards me.

"It seems as though I'll be doing nothing but apologizing to you this morning." he said as he moved to cover my hand. He moved it aside and examined the skin.

"It's not that bad, just a little love bite." I attempted to reassure him though he seemed doubtful. The hairs on my neck raised as he dropped his face to my neck.

"How could I mark your skin out of love?" He leaned down and softly covered the bruise with his lips. The pressure was slightly painful but mostly tender. He brought his face back to mine, determination set in his jaw. "I'd like to take you out for dinner tonight. Is that something you'd be interested in?"

I was shocked, only able to nod my head once. He seemed content. "Then I'll leave you to finish getting ready."

And he was gone, leaving me to ghost sensations of his presence and an impending shift at the hospital. I stood there for a few moments before realizing that if I was going in to work then I'd have to find a way of covering up the mark on my neck. I clicked my tongue in irritation before searching for my uniform through the laundry.

I was making my way out of the door when my phone rang. "Hey Ichina, what's up?"

"You didn't answer the phone when I called you last night. Are you okay?" she seemed worried.

I thought back to what I was doing the previous night around the time that she called. Oh right, the Kazekage. I bit my lip timidly. "I was… busy. But I'm fine, no need to fret."

She hesitated. "Okay. Are you coming in to work today?"

"Yeah I'm on my way right now. What's wrong?"

"I'm not entirely sure. They just brought a patient in to our unit and we don't know what to do with him. He's in pretty bad shape and we haven't seen anything like this before. No one knows what to do and since you're the head doctor, we're waiting on you for orders."

"I'll be there soon." I said and picked up the pace.

I arrived at the hospital in record time, rushing to the ICU, grabbing gloves and a mask along the way. Ichina met me in the hallway with a clipboard of his stats and a summary of how he was found. She looked extremely stressed. Apparently the man had been found at the entrance of the village not even an hour ago, his only belongings a piece of paper he'd been clutching and a headband. When stopped by the guards he collapsed. He'd been rushed to the hospital, strange markings along his body drawing concern. He was covered in black spots that looked like smudges but couldn't be rubbed away. Looking at his stats I saw that his vitals were fine, excluding his blood pressure, and that someone had decided to call him Patient X.

"Maybe he collapsed from exhaustion." I mused. "Do you know where he's from? It says you found a headband."

Ichina paused. "It was tucked in the waistband of his pants."

"I need to see it whenever you get a moment." I flipped through the papers on the clipboard. "Tell me about his internal damage."

"When he arrived he was seizing and blood was rising to the surface of his skin. We were able to stop the seizure but he abnormal bleeding is still continuing, even now. We don't know what to do." she said, reaching for the door. I followed her into the room and began to look the man over. His body was indeed covered in black spots. Everywhere else, dark red highlighted his skin.

"Ichina get me some anesthetic, I need to see what's happening beneath his skin." I ordered. We gave the medicine a moment and then I grabbed a scalpel. I made a small incision in his shoulder. Immediately I knew something wasn't right. Instead of flowing, blood spurted from the cut as if I'd punctured an artery. I grabbed a bandage and wrapped the wound, watching the force of the blood lessening until it was indeed flowing. There was some sort of pressure building beneath his skin.

"Ichina get Railin and Don, we need to go into surgery now. There's something wrong with his circulatory system."

She nodded and left the room, heading to prep for surgery. I didn't know much medical ninjutsu having abandoned the path of the shinobi long ago. But I knew enough to be able to take a look at his chakra network. Looking at his arm I noticed that his chakra flow was blocked, all of the points holding the same amount instead of sending it along the pathway. There was no flow and the buildup was creating a pressure that was bruising his skin from the inside out. His blood was flowing, however slowly. But if I couldn't find the cause of the block soon, his lungs would fail from lack of oxygen and all the other organs would follow.

It didn't take us long to begin surgery. I administered a liquid form of pentoxifylline via IV before taking a look at his heart. It wasn't contracting properly- the muscles were too weak to propel the necessary amounts of blood through the pulmonary artery. But even more troubling than that was the chakra building beneath his heart. I had to open his chest to get to it better which took time and precision. I'd only performed a heart surgery once before but I didn't have much of a choice. Every doctor had a first, and a second. This was I had better access to the problem which I was sure was the chakra. The buildup was causing a strain on the organ, resulting in its inability to function.

"Ichina, I need you to keep your hands above his heart and describe to me what you see. I'm going to need to release the chakra from behind his heart." I watched as the familiar green hue surrounded her hands. She looked nervous but we didn't have time to waste. Don handed me a syringe and I angled myself so that I could move behind his heart which was extremely difficult.

"Move to your left." Ichina's directions guided me to the pocket. It took more time than I expected. His heart was pumping and blood was staining my glasses which Raillin had to keep wiping away.

"Okay you've reached it."

At Ichina's word I pushed the needle into the chakra pocket and felt the pressure release. I didn't know if chakra could be contained by the syringe, but I pulled on the handle regardless, thinking that perhaps there would be residue or something inside of the tube. I handed it to Railin and told her to take it to the lab and have someone well verse in ninjutsu take a look at it. Then we proceeded to close surgery. With the last stitch, I breathed a sigh of relief, content that we hadn't lost the man.

"Don, move him into one of the rooms and monitor his blood circulation. Administer one dose of pentoxifylline every six hours and oxygen through a nasal cannula." I turned to Ichina. "Show me his belongings."

She took me back to the original room the man had been in and retrieved the headband and piece of paper. The former had the insignia of the Village Hidden in the Sound and the later, the kanji for 'self'. I didn't know what any of it meant but if we were to assume the man was a ninja, especially one from the Sound, then it seemed like something the Kazekage should know. I placed the stranger's belongings in a plastic bag and, after telling Ichina to call me if anything were to happen, I headed for the Kazakage's office.

Once I'd made it to the building, I was lead inside by Baki, the Kazekage's sensei and body guard. He took me to his office where I found the Kazekage, pen in hand, gazing through one of the windows. He turned his eyes silently on us, having picked up that something was the matter.

"Lord Kazekage, a man was brought into the hospital earlier. We think he's a ninja from the Village Hidden in the Sound."

…

"I see." The Kazekage folded his hands beneath his chin and closed his eyes, taking a moment to process the information that'd I'd relayed to him. He was silent for a few seconds before he opened his eyes. "Baki,"

He stood at attention. "Yes my Lord?"

"Please leave the room. I'd like to speak to my wife in private."

The shock of him referring to me in that way was apparent on both of our faces. Baki was able to compose himself sooner than I was and nodded before disappearing. I felt awkward standing in the room alone with him and I busied my eyes with every corner of the room, just to avoid his. But when he rose from his desk, I found myself watching his movements intently as he produced a white cloth and poured some water on it. As he neared me, I could feel my heart begin to race. He raised the damp cloth to my face and began to rub away at certain spots.

"Are you aware that your face is covered in blood?" he asked.

My eyes widened. "No. I mean yes, but... I forgot." I was getting annoyed at how lame I sounded. The truth was, during surgery I knew my garments must have been stained but it wasn't a big concern at the time.

"How long were you in surgery?" He spoke with his eyes on the spots he was trying to clean. Although some effort was needed in order to wipe away dried blood, he was considerably gentle.

"Four hours, I think."

"You must be tired."

"When you're dealing with a person's life, you'd be surprised at how quickly time passes." I gave a little smile when he met my eyes.

He withdrew his hand and looked away. "So I suppose you'll be too tired later to have our meal?"

I felt a pang of guilt pass through my stomach. "Forgive me Lord Kazekage but I have to attend to the patient. I want to watch him overnight incase the problem reoccurs. I'm concerned for his wellbeing."

He nodded, heading back to his desk. When he sat down, he resumed the pose I'd first found him in, looking through the window, pensive and silently. I felt an air of dismissal arise and took it as my cue to leave.

Walking through the hallway I was lost in thought. So much so that I didn't realize there was a person in front of me until we collided. I fell into the wall, apology on my tongue until I looked up.

"Oh hey little sis, haven't seen you in a while."

It was Kankuro. I rubbed my arm, annoyed. "You know I really wish you'd stop calling me that, we are the same age you know."

He laughed and before I knew it, I was being pulled into a giant hug. "Well since you married my little brother, that automatically decreased your age. I didn't know you were into the whole cougar thing."

"Shut up!" I pushed him away. "Idiot. You know I didn't choose this."

"Aw come on," he said, draping his arm about my shoulders. "It can't be that bad. You're probably just starved for conversation, among other things."

I looked at him, shocked. I couldn't believe- well, no. Actually I could believe he'd imply something like that, I did believe it. So I ignored him, pretending I didn't catch on to his allusion. Kankuro and I graduated the same year at the academy and were placed on a squad together. We trained for two years and took on missions together until the Kazekage graduated as well and I was replaced. Kankuro was removed from the regular forces and put on a team with his siblings and I had trouble adjusting to a new team. That same year was the altercation with the Leaf and once my parents died I extinguished the flame lighting my way along the shinobi path and turned to medicine instead. I studied under the top medical ninja in the village and became a doctor at the hospital when I was eighteen, around the same time the current Kazekage was chosen. But Kankuro and I were good friends. Come to think of it, we were really good friends. In the past four years I'd seen him less and less but we had been very close before. Him calling me sis was nothing new, he'd said that even before I'd married his brother and nearly laughed himself to death considering how accurate the description had become.

Suddenly Kankuro yanked me in one direction, through a door. It took me by surprise and I didn't have time to react. I hadn't notice myself moving into a fighting position and had done so before I knew it. Old habits die hard, I guess. Kankuro blinked at me.

"What are you doing Shinja?"

"I should be asking you the same question."

He waved at me dismissively. "I pulled you in here because we need to talk to you."

"We?" I asked, relaxing.

He nodded. "Temari will be here soon."

Just as he said her name she entered the room. I nodded a hello to her and she smiled politely. "Okay, down to business. I don't know if you're aware of this Koshinja, but Gaara's birthday is the day after tomorrow."

I had the resist the urge to curse. "I had no idea, he didn't say anything to me. If I had known-"

She raised a hand to stop me. "Gaara's not the type of person to parade around with news of his birthday. Aside from Baki, we three are the only ones who know. Kankuro and I have tried to organize a surprise party for him a couple of times but to no avail. He always finds out. We'd like to try again this year, and with your help maybe we'd be successful this time."

"I don't really understand what it is you want me to do." I confessed.

Kankuro poked me in the forehead. "We're gonna try and do this tomorrow, a day earlier to up the surprise, probably around four or so. All you need to do is distract him while we set everything up. Think you can handle that?"

Taking the phone number he offered me I nodded and told them I would try before rushing out of the room. I trusted Kankuro obviously but being locked in a room with his sister scared me more than being in one with his brother. Now I was tasked with the impossible, distracting the Kazekage. I put it out of my mind to deal with tomorrow before heading back to the hospital to check on patient X.

…

I awoke to the smell of rice. Looking across the room I saw a bag from Samahara's rice shack. It was tied with a blue bow and chopsticks were laid next to it. Scanning the room further I was met with the peculiar sight of the Kazekage sitting in one of the chairs adjacent to me. He was leaning on his hand, legs crossed, totally asleep. I smiled. I liked seeing him asleep, he seemed peaceful in this unconscious state, cute even. He was still in his kage robes and I had to wonder if he'd ever made it home. He stirred slightly before opening his eyes and setting them on me. He heaved a heavy sigh before closing his eyes once more.

"You fell asleep." he said.

"So did you."

He didn't respond, or open his eyes, simply pointed towards the bag I'd noticed earlier. "I brought you some food."

"Thank you." I went to retrieve the meal and opened the bag. It was a packed lunch. "Did you- I mean, what time is it?"

"Fairly early."

I moved back to my chair. Staring intently at his face I asked "Did you ever make it back home?"

He opened his eyes then, looking at me with interest. "No, not yet. When I left my office I decided to go eat and bought something for you as well. I brought it here but you were asleep."

"And you waited for me. That's very kind of you, I appreciate it." When I flashed him a smile he looked away and I swear I could see a blush rising to his cheeks. I couldn't help but think that it was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen. I set the lunch aside and checked the time. It was nearly five in the morning and the other doctor would have started his shift by now. So with one last look at patient X's vitals, I turned back to the Kazekage.

"Let's go home."

I was exhausted. Kicking off my shoes at the front door felt like a luxury I hadn't experienced in a long time. I had my sights set on bed as I moved through the house, not bothering to turn on alight. It was so completely dark that I forgot the Kazekage was even with me. Suddenly I remembered what Kankuro had asked of me earlier. As I climbed into bed, not caring about my beyond-dirty clothes, I thought it best to be honest with the Kazekage. Well, as honest as I could be given the circumstances.

"Lord Kazekage?" I started, turning my face towards the bathroom. The ruler of the Suna stood, bare-chested and nearly naked as he washed his face. Some of the water had dripped onto his chest and was sliding down his torso towards his abs. Despite how tired I was, my stomach lurched in desire.

"What is it?"

"Are you busy tomorrow? I'd like to spend some time with you, if that's alright."

He eyed me suspiciously, probably questioning the randomness of the question. "Is there something in particular that you have in mind?" he asked, switching off the light, an action I was immensely grateful for. In the darkness it was much more difficult for him to see the red spread across my cheeks, which would have certainly giver me away.

"Not really. I just want to make up for the dinner we missed tonight because of me." I said before yawning sleepily.

He joined me in the bed and instinctively I knew he wasn't facing me when he said "As you wish."

With his consent I closed my eyes, trying my best to combat the nervousness and excitement I felt about the next day and all the plans surrounding it.


	3. A Sweeter Fruit

3\. A Sweeter Fruit

Like the vast majorities of mornings to which I awoke, the Kazekage was not besides me. I was still in my clothes from the previous night which warranted a hot shower. But glancing at the clock I noticed it was nearly one in the afternoon. Horrified, I rushed into the bathroom to clean up. I didn't have much time to spare considering what I planned as a distraction required a trip to a store and at least an hour. When I'd finished getting ready, I realized I was hungry and hadn't eaten since the previous day and the lunch the Kazekage had brought for me was definitely welcomed. So I grabbed it on my way out, content with eating it on my way into the village. As I walked, I dialed Ichina.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ichina, I need your help with something. Can you meet me at Kaomi's shop?" As I finished the question, I braced myself for an onslaught of her own in return.

"Kaomi's? Doesn't she sell… ooooooo Shinja you're-"

I cut her off quick. "Shut up! I'm just buying clothes you perv and I'm on my way there now."

She was laughing. "Whatever you say, I'll be there soon."

When I finally made it to Kaomi's I was done with the lunch so I threw it away. Kaomi happened to be at the register when I entered her shop. She blinked the unfamiliarity from her eyes before coming to greet me.

"Oh my goodness Koshinja, it's been a while. I haven't seen you since you got married, how are you?" she asked before hugging me tightly. Kaomi was only a few years older than me but had babysat for my parents when I was younger while they were away on missions.

"I'm doing great. How about you? How's the shop been treating you?" I asked after returning her hug.

She put her hands on her hips and smiled proudly. "She was the best business decision I've ever made. She's slow during the day but as soon as the sun goes down, let me tell you…" but she didn't have to, I got her drift. "So, you came by to chat, catch up and what not?"

I scratched my temple in slight embarrassment. "No. Uh, actually, I came to shop. You see Lord Kazekage's birthday is nearing and well I thought it might be a good idea if I-"

She held up a hand. "Say no more. I get it. So," Suddenly her eyes were gleaming, shining with a hunger I knew was caused by her taste for gossip. "What's the Kazekage like when the lights go out?" She paused, wiggling her eyebrows. "That is, unless you like to leave them on?"

I started to stammer. "I don't think, I mean, well, I can't just-"

"Don't even try to push her Kaomi, she won't talk." I turned my head to see Ichina who appeared just in time. "I already tried, she never goes in depth."

Kaomi crossed her arms in disappointment. "Aw that's a shame, I know the girls would have loved even a little bit."

Ichina laughed. "I know how you feel." Then she seemed to have an idea. "Well Koshinja's only looking for an outfit and I know your wears are not the most cost-effective. How about a price cut in exchange for a little bit of info?"

The color drained from my face. "Oh god please no."

Kaomi considered the proposition and nodded. "I like it. How about it Koshinja, you answer one question and I'll give you thirty percent off your entire purchase, regardless of what you decide to buy."

This was not fair. I really didn't want to give anything away, but, my god was thirty percent a deal. Even on a clearance day she'd never give that much away. I sighed in defeat. "Fine. But only one question."

"Of course." She considered something in her head for a moment before crossing her arms with a decision. "So, does the carpet match the drapes?"

Ichina laughed but I stood there for a second, blinking. "Do the- oh! Oh. Um, well I haven't really noticed to tell you the truth. I mean I got a hair caught in my mouth once, I think it was red."

The two women stared at me and I could bet any amount of money my face was a new shade of red. I cursed mentally as they doubled over in laughter, finding my slipup hilarious. Kaomi spoke first. "Wow Koshinja I never thought you'd go for that but it'll definitely be enough to stave me off for a while. And since it was extra, I'll give you half off. You deserve a reward for that one, that was great. Alright, c'mon they see what I can find for you."

I followed her to a clothes rack in the back of her store and looked on as she spun it. "So," she asked. "Any specific color?"

"Black is fine, I guess."

Accordingly she sifted through the colors on her rack, looking at me and then back at them again, pulling a few out as she went. She did this a few times before handing me a hanger and telling me to try it on to see if I liked it. So I followed her to the changing room and went in. Holding the garment in my hand, it didn't look like much, just a pile of string and lace. But as I put it on, its elasticity and appeal became clear. I looked at myself in the mirror and my eyes widened. I had never felt this sexy before. I mean, I thought I was attractive enough; I had curly brown and black hair that touched my shoulders with light brown eyes and slightly fuller lips. My height was average and I had always felt my curves were okay, but in this I felt hot. Looking at myself I felt determination. I had never tried to be sexy before but tonight, that was going to change. Before I could tell myself otherwise, I stepped out for Ichina and Kaomi to see.

"You have hips, when did you get those?" Ichina exclaimed.

"As soon as I put this on." It was a one-piece. The top looked like a bra and it pushed my boobs up a little. The straps around my shoulders were thin but covered in lace like the bra part. From there the piece made a v-shape of sheer-like fabric which extended to my bellybutton and was surrounded by triangles of lace that thinned out as they reached my waist and hips until they were strings as thin as the bra straps. They reached around and connected at my back. My more intimate part was covered in a lace triangle as well. "I really like it."

Ichina and Kaomi seemed to as well so I bought it. By the time we left the shop, it was nearing two thirty. I called Kankuro.

"Hey Kankuro I'm headed to the house to distract the Kazekage like you asked."

"Sweet. Alright, Temari and I will head over in a half hour or so."

Suddenly I remembered Ichina. "Hey my best friend is with me. She can help out if you'd like."

He considered it for a moment. "If it's only one person I don't see why not. Sure, but tell her to be there by three so the guards will let her in as our guest and to bring like a gift or something. It's a party after all."

"Okay thanks. See you soon." After hanging up I told Ichina what Kankuro said to me. When we reached the gates of my house, Ichina commented she couldn't wait to see the Kazekage's face when he opened my gift before skipping away to avoid my fist. Little did she know, that wasn't exactly the plan.

When I entered my home, I headed straight for the Kazekage's study. The door was shut, as usual. I set my bag besides me and knocked, feeling a resolve I'd never felt concerning something of this nature. I waited for a moment before being allowed to enter. The Kazekage sat at his desk, pen in hand, looking at me expectantly. He was wearing his robes which meant he decided to take work home with him. I had to admit, white was truly his color. It create such a striking contrast to his deep red strands, making them stand out even more. The outfit looked so good on him that I found myself fighting off trembles from the idea of tearing it from his body.

"Are you busy?" I asked innocently.

"Not profoundly. Is there something you need?"

I crossed my arms. "I was wondering if you'd like to go out for food now since we didn't get to it yesterday."

He set his pen down. "Of course. Where would you like to go?"

"I'm not sure yet. Just let me change my clothes and I'll have a decision made by then. Give me like fifteen minutes or so."

He nodded in response and I left the room, closing the door and grabbing my bag from Kaomi's. Walking to the bedroom I felt so giddy, like a little kid on the way to a candy shop. Well, there wasn't much difference in my case, he was sweet enough to suffice. As I locked the bathroom door I decided that I would enjoy this too, pushing away my anxiety concerning his reaction to the lingerie. Even if he didn't like it, taking it off would be just as good. So slowly, carefully, I put the outfit on before applying some lipstick and fluffing my hair in the mirror. Oh yeah, it was about to go down.

I didn't want to call him because I think he might've known something was up. Eyeing my book on the nightstand an idea came to me. Along with the house key and pen holder, I pushed it to the floor. I knew he would hear it but he was so quick to react that I nearly ran out of time before leaning against the wall in the sexiest pose I could imagine. Like I said, I wasn't the best at this sort of thing but I was sure as hell trying.

He appeared in the doorway, slight concern apparent in his brow though quickly replaced by shock. I smirked. "What took you so long?"

"What you are wearing is not… appropriate… if you wish to go out."

I walked towards him, slowly, loving the expression on his commonly-expressionless face. "It could be appropriate for something else, something we don't have to leave the house for. Unless you really want to, of course." I teased. "Besides, a little birdie told me your birthday is tomorrow. I wanted to surprise you, seems like I did a god job huh?"

He nodded slowly, eyes wide and weaving. I could tell he was trying to find a place to look, a place that wasn't my chest. "It's okay Lord Kazekage, you can look. I dressed them up just for you after all. In fact," I turned around, and in an attempt to show off my ass (which this outfit made look hella fine), slowly bent over, tossing my hair and looking over my shoulder. "You could even touch if you wanted to."

I waited for a moment, wondering why he didn't move. Leaning back up I saw that his mouth hung slightly open and his face was as red as mine had been earlier in the shop. For a second I thought I'd broken him and decided to take things into my own hands. I turned back to him and reached for his waist, moving my hands to his backside, where they had never been before.

"I really like your ass." I leaned up to his ear and whispered, "Maybe one day you'll let me spank it?" It must've worked because in the next moment we were on the bed and his lips were pressed roughly against mine. But if he was this fast, I'd run out of time before Kankuro could do what he needed to. I pushed at his chest softly and he heeded to my signal by easing off just enough for me to flip us over.

"Patience bears a much sweeter fruit than does haste, Kazekage-sama." I smiled and leaned into his neck. "I want you to enjoy me like one does a fine wine, slowly, sip by sip." I pulled away and gestured for him to rise before leading him to the chair I'd set in the middle of the room, adjacent to the bed. He followed me willingly although probably confused. Slowly I walked back to the bed and sat on the mattress. I'd never done a strip tease before so that was out of the question. However, there was something I did know how to do. And I went for it, empowered by the green eyes drinking in my every move.

Leaning my head back I opened my legs, before dragging my hands from my knees slowly up my body. My skin was warm and I felt so sensual as my hands reached my breasts. I moved past them to the straps of the outfit, suddenly extremely aware of their presence. I brought one arm through, letting the strap fall to my side and did the same with the other, leaving one hand on my cheek and biting my lip as I brought it down to cup my breast. Carefully I moved my hands, letting a small moan filter into the room. Everything was becoming hot, my skin, the air around my body, the space on the sheets where I sat, and the sight of the Kazekage sitting in the chair across from me, transfixed. Seeing the intensity of his stare made me shiver as desire clumped in the pit of my stomach.

Without much thought I freed one breast from the bra, exposing every part of it. As I kneaded the nipple between my thumb and middle finger, my dominant hand sneaked down my side, over my waist, and across my hip towards my aching sex. Moving the fabric to the side, I moaned again, feeling the heat of my hand against the sensitive skin. I shallowly inserted two fingers, just enough to pry myself open and expose pink folds that were no doubt engorged. Splintering wood diverted my attention and I stole another look at the Kazekage whose expression was much unchanged. His hands, however, must have been the cause of the sound as they dug into the arms of the chair. I knew he wouldn't be able to contain himself much longer, and honestly, neither would I. So I slipped a finger inside myself, and with a small gasp began to move it slowly. I wanted to ask if he liked it, I wanted to know how much it turned him on, but I was lost in other thoughts, mostly memories of the first time he touched my body. I could feel my desire for him growing by the second as I leaned back on the bed, back arched, still massaging my breast. I was moaning more constantly now and there was something I felt I needed to ask.

"Kazekage-sama," I called softly, eyes still closed. "Will you help me?"

I heard him rise from the chair and as he pulled my hips to the edge of the bed I realized he must have kneeled. He grabbed my wrist gently, causing me to look down at him. His eyes locked with mine as he drug his tongue up the length of my fingers and even between them before fulling sticking them in his mouth and sucking softly. I noticed my labored breathing then as it was my turn to be transfixed. As he took my fingers from his mouth he groaned.

"Would you like to taste yourself Koshinja?"

All I could do was nod. As he rose I was expecting him to kiss me. Instead he guided my hand to my mouth and, a little embarrassed, I complied, allowing him to put my fingers to my lips. The taste was salty and fading, not completely there. He returned to his knees then, though he must have known I intended to prop myself up on both my elbows as he stopped me from withdrawing my fingers.

"Leave them. I want you to experience what I do while I taste you."

Then his tongue was on me, making slow circles around my entrance before the sounds of his actions met my ears and excited me even more. His hands were on my thighs, pushing my legs into the air, before resting them over his shoulders, giving him better access. My moans were muffled by my fingers but I think he knew I was close. With my other hand I reached down and touched my clit, moving to rub it in small, rapid, circles. But he grabbed that hand and restrained it against my thigh.

"Patience bears the sweeter fruit Koshinja."

Although frustrating, it was incredibly hot to hear him use my words against me. So I leaned back and thrust myself into the pleasure he was giving me. I knew I was breathing loudly, but I didn't care. I could feel the orgasm coming, my walls were tingling, starting to tighten. Just as I was nearing the moment of climax something happened that drained all feeling from my body.

"Gaara! Hey Gaara, I need to talk to you, it's important! Koshinja said you were home, where are you?"

We both were frozen. Kankuro was early.

"Shit." I said, bolting up as the Kazekage grabbed me and lead me into the bathroom.

I was whispering frantically. "I need to get dressed, like now."

"Where are your clothes?"

"In the closet."

"Where are your underwear?"

"Just grab a dress, we don't have time for underwear."

I rushed to change before ushering him out of the room so as not to make anyone suspicious. I tried to fix my disheveled hair before running to join the others. I made it just in time. They were yelling surprise as they unveiled our living room, decorated with bright colors, a huge banister reading 'Happy Birthday Gaara' and to top it all off, a sizable cake in the middle of it all.

As we all sang Happy Birthday, badly, I noticed the edges of the Kazekage's mouth rising. I stopped singing because for the first time, I was seeing his smile. I tried not to look so shocked at just how beautiful he'd become by the simple act of smiling and attempted to find my way back into the song with the others.

The party ended up being really nice. The cake was plain vanilla but made wonderfully and the music was nothing crazy but for those of us who wanted to dance, it was possible. All in all it was a small party consisting of the Kazekage, myself, Kankuro, Ichina, Temari, two other men I didn't know, and Baki. And in the moments spent with all of them, for the first time, I felt as if I was being included in his world.


	4. Making It

4\. Making It

The party was lasting far longer than I had expected and I busied myself by chatting with Ichina for most of the time. I loved having her around, she made me laugh about nearly everything. But then again, I suppose that's what a best friend is supposed to do. I was enjoying a piece of cake while Ichina went on about her most recent shift at the hospital, moving slowly to the music from the little radio someone had brought when the Kazekage approached us. Ichina was quick to bow, something I realized I hadn't done since our wedding, which hadn't really been much anyways- just a crap-ton of signatures and an exchange of rings.

"Koshinja, there are people I would like you to meet." he said.

I nodded and followed him towards the two unfamiliar men stuffing their faces with cake. He cleared his throat and gestured towards me. "Yaoki, Korobi, this is my wife, Koshinja. These two were my teammates on my first squad in the regular forces. They have supported me in my endeavors, including my appointment to Kazekage."

I tipped my head as they bowed. "Hello, it's nice to meet you both."

"Wow, Ms. Koshinja, you are really beautiful." Yaoki said, causing me to smile in embarrassment. "So how long were you two together before you married?"

I decided to answer in order to quickly avoid a tricky subject. "We weren't. Our marriage was a rather abrupt one." I smiled, hoping it would suffice. Apparently not.

"Oh, so it was a love at first sight kind of thing?" Korobi asked, admittedly innocently, I suppose.

But he had to use that word, it had to be 'love'. Such words I had cast far from my mind fairly early on, near the beginning of the Kazekage's and my new life together. I didn't know if we'd ever love one another, I didn't think it was important. I just did as I was told. Even now, I'm not able to gauge the probability of love between the man peering down at me sympathetically and myself. I grabbed my arm, trying to fake a smile through the feelings that had erupted inside of me. Love? How could I answer that? 'No, it's wasn't love at first sight', 'Love? No, love had nothing to do with it', 'It was a decision far beyond either one of our control and we submitted to the will of the elders in order to satisfy their desire to secure the future of the village'. Even as I thought the words, I knew I couldn't speak any of them. Before the silence could completely consume the four of us, the Kazekage stepped in.

"Our union was arranged." He said it simply, matter-of-factly, and the debilitating truth of his statement nearly got the better of me for as I was preparing to excuse myself, Kankuro asked for the room's attention.

"Hey everyone, it's time to open presents." At his beckoning, everyone followed Kankuro to the Kazekage's office which was littered with silly string and confetti. I was trying to see the expression on the Kazekage's face but before I could get a look, I was violently yanked to the side by a pair of well-manicured hands. When I looked up, it was into the stern eyes of Temari.

"Uh… hi?" I tried. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Koshinja, right?" I nodded. "I know the elders picked you to be my brother's wife, and I know Kankuro and you have some history as friends but _I_ don't know you. And quite frankly, that bothers me."

I didn't know what to say but I had a feeling she didn't want me to say anything anyway. I was very surprised by her sudden forwardness and also very apprehensive. "Look, I love both of my brothers and they've- we've- been through too much to have to deal with potential marital distress, especially Gaara. He had a really rough start in life and he shouldn't have to continue to struggle throughout it, he doesn't deserve it. He also doesn't deserve to be mistreated. So take this as a warning, if I find out you've hurt him… Let's just say you'll have more than sand to worry about on a windy day."

I nodded quickly to show my concurrence and swallowed back the fear she'd that quickly instilled in me. I'd always heard people say that Lord Kazekage was frightening, I bet none of them had ever met his sister. She left before I did to return to the festivities and I followed suit after taking a moment to compose myself. They were done with the presents and filing back into the living room, turning up the radio and continuing to enjoy one another's company. A song came on that I wasn't familiar with, one probably from a far-off country. According to the beginning, it was called Make It to Me. Its melancholy rhythm seemed to infect everyone in the room, sobering laughs and calming tensions. Before the first verse could come through the speaker, Ichina seemed to have an idea.

"Hey Shinja, why don't you and Lord Kazekage dance together?"

I felt the color drain from my face, and the taste in my mouth went right with it when Kankuro voiced his slurred approval of the idea. "That's perfect. C'mon Gaara, grab Koshinja and break it down."

"Have you been drinking?" I hissed, embarrassed that all eyes were on me.

He paused. "A little." Then, "A little more than a little."

I grit my teeth and was about to refuse when I turned to see the Kazekage's hand outstretched to me. It was clear that I was nervous, firstly of the dancing and secondly that it was with him. But the song kept playing and the pressure was on.

I averted my eyes, deciding the truth was my best option. "I can't dance Kazekage-sama." The first verse had begun.

 _My mind runs away to you_

 _With the thought I hope you'll see_

He reached for my hand, pulling me to the space the others had cleared for us. "You've put your trust in me as leader of the village. I'll only ask you now to trust me as a partner."

 _Can't see where it's wandered to  
But I know where it wants to be_

Looking up at him as he rested one hand on my waist and gently grasped my fingers with the other, I found myself nodding. He moved and I followed as best as I could. The song was slow and the movements were easy but I was just such an awful dancer that the only thought in my head was not falling and not crushing his toes. I knew he could tell what I was thinking and abruptly I felt myself being lifted onto his feet as he moved us side to side and in slow circles.

 _I'm waiting patiently though time is moving slow  
I have one vacancy and I wanted you to know that_

No longer was it necessary for me to look down so I took a chance, turning my eyes to his face. He was staring at me and I had to fight every instinct in my body not to pull away. However softly his eyes looked on at me, his gaze was intense. And just like that, I was… transfixed, hypnotized, thrust into a whirlpool of green fire.

 _You're the one designed for me  
A distant stranger that I will complete_

Everything disappeared and I felt lost, steadied only by the continuing music and the hold he had on me. My indifference towards the man who led me through these movements was stripped away with every note that crashed between us. Unnamed feelings rose in my chest and twisted my stomach. I didn't know what exactly it was, but something in that moment caused me to close my eyes and lean into his chest.

 _I know you're out there we're meant to be  
So keep your head up and make it to me_

I could feel him still looking down at me as he spun me through every sensation I felt dancing with him. I wouldn't claim love. I wouldn't claim a connection. I wouldn't even claim lust. But there was something, something held in between our fingers, something rushing within our blood, something different, something I wanted to pursue making itself apparent in the moments the music bestowed upon us.

 _And make it to me_

The rest of the song moved us into solitude. I know the others must have been watching but from where we swayed to the beat, as far as I was concerned, we were alone together. And when finally our dance ended, reality snapped back into place around me. I felt breathless despite a lack of physical activity and even when we'd stopped moving I'd unknowingly still held his hand. I dropped it quickly and followed his lead as he gave a little bow to the others' applause.

"Impressive lil sis. I was sure you were gonna fall and bust your ass." Kankuro remarked.

"Idiot." I declared, rearing to punch him in the head before Temari's warning flew into my mind and put my anger in check. After that, there was nothing left to do. So we distributed the food to all of the guests and saw everyone out. At the door as we bade our company goodbye, Kankuro turned around. It was clear to me now that he was in fact slightly tipsy.

He yawned before pointing at the Kazekage's robes. "Oh yeah and Gaara, I meant to ask you, what's with the scuff marks around your knees?"

I slammed the door in his face.

…

I had been too tired the previous night to clean up the mess that everyone had made. So I opted to get up earlier to take care of it before going to work. Most of it was easy, just cups, plates, and napkins from the food. The living room didn't take long to clean at all. Even less time, it seemed, considering my mind was filled with thoughts of the dance the Kazekage and I had participated in during the party. I couldn't explain why I had been so enraptured by those moments. For all the time I considered it, the feelings I'd had felt more and more like a dream, their potency fading as I continued with my morning. By the time was standing in front of the Kazekage's office, I was nearly convinced I had imagined all of it.

For a moment I contemplated whether or not I should be going into his office without his permission. This was a legendary morning, one in which I had awoken before the man who lay sleeping soundly in my bed. I decided that since he didn't really want the party in the first place, perhaps it was a good idea to clean up the mess Kankuro had made. Opening the door, it was worse that I remembered it. Alongside the confetti was wrapping paper, random pieces of plastic, and foodstuff. I shook my head. How in the world did grown men and women not know how to clean up after themselves? Although I was bothered by the mess, I knew it had to be cleaned so I just got to it. But that didn't stop me from muttering cuss words the whole time.

I was trying to keep my voice down, in fear of waking the Kazekage. I was underneath the desk, attempting to pull free a piece of wrapping paper, when I hit my head and proceeded to look up. Taped to the underside of the desk was a different piece of paper. I knew it was none of my business but my curiosity outweighed my guilt as I freed it from the tape. Unfolding it I saw it was a picture of a woman, or… was it a man? He or she was pretty, blonde hair, smiling kindly. I rose from beneath the desk, still holding the picture, flipping it over in my hand for some indication of a name or a date. I found writing in the right-hand lower corner on the back.

"Yasha- Yashamaru? I wonder who that is." I mused aloud.

"He's my uncle."

I jumped, instinctively hiding the picture behind my back which was, of course, very silly. I felt a breeze and he was behind me, gently pulling the picture from my hands. So I stood there for a moment, caught, like a naughty child, as he returned it to the bottom of his desk. I couldn't tell if he was mad at me, so I asked. "Are you angry with me Kazekage-sama?"

He looked sideways at me and sighed. "No, I suppose not."

I twiddled my thumbs, not making eye contact. "I don't mean to pry, and if you don't mind telling me, why did you hide the picture under your desk? Didn't you get the tattoo for your uncle? I'm just, having trouble understanding is all."

We were facing one another. Through the quiet that ensued I wondered if he knew how nervous he made me. I tried to keep my eyes to the side but he was so tempting to look at. It was in these moments that I realized how attracted to him I really was, not just physically. It was his demeanor, the way he held himself. Although intimidating most of the time, in instances like these I found his stoic authority appropriate and reassuring.

He seemed to be assessing something, making a decision. "Why is it so important to you?"

"I just feel like, since we're married, and well, if we happen to be together for a while, I don't think we should lie to one another. And we should try to get to know one another, even a little." I sat down on the desk, hoisting myself up into a comfortable position. My bravery was deserting me but I felt like I had more to say so I concentrated on my hands in my lap while I spoke. "Lord Kazekage, if there's anyone in the world that you should feel like you're able to talk to, it should be me. It _is_ me. I just… I want you to trust me, if that's okay."

He took a seat in his chair and settled into silence once more. I kept my eyes on my hands as I became aware of the feeling of his legs pressed against mine. He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned into his hand. "I was very young when I gave myself this tattoo. Although 'tattoo' is a relative term, it's more like a scar; it's made from my blood. I didn't want to tell you the entire truth before as yours came from love, from commemoration and devotion to people who are precious to you. Mine came from selfishness."

I was staring at him, not fully understanding but too shocked to ask. "Kazekage-sama, I-"

He looked up at me. "Koshinja, if there's one thing in my life that I regret, it is my childhood. I lived only to continue my own existence, whatever the cost, even if that was a human life. And this mark reminds me of that person every time I see it."

I reached down and moved aside his hair, exposing the kanji. "You can make it into something else Lord Kazekage. If that truly was the person you used to be, becoming the person you are now is something to be celebrated. You've changed into a man who'd die for this village, for people you don't even know. That kind of selflessness is rare in any human being, and I think you having been able to discover it, despite the darkness that lingered inside of you, is beautiful."

Suddenly he rose slightly and grabbed my hips, pulling me roughly into his lap. He grabbed my hand and took it from his cheek, gently caressing my palm with his thumb. "Koshinja, if I may, I'd like to say that in this moment, I am so grateful to be holding you."

It triggered something inside of me, some want for him I'd yet to become accustomed to. I swallowed in an attempt to fight of the trembles as he continued to speak. "From now on, I would like for you to call me Gaara." I was torn between thinking that it was about time and that he was finally letting me in. Maybe, just maybe, we could become friends.

Empowered by this newfound hope I gathered his face in my hands and placed my mouth over his. Before this moment I was unsure if we'd ever shared such a deep or hungry kiss; we were pausing for air quite frequently. My hands were nestled in his hair while his moved in slow circles on my backside. I pulled at his tresses a little more than kindly as I felt his tongue slip past my lips. My mind was growing steadily more hazy, all I could think of was him.

He tore himself from my lips to places slow, hard kisses down my neck. I was trying to catch my breath as he did so.

"Koshinja," he said as he focused on one particularly stimulating spot on my skin.

"Yes?"

His lips hovered above my pulse which was rushing beneath his touch. "Today is the actual day of my birth."

"Yes," I wasn't really sure what I was acknowledging because as he spoke, his hands were unzipping my shorts.

He drug his tongue towards my ear. "I'd like to finish celebrating, however, in the manner in which we began yesterday."

"Yes."

…

After what I would consider the best sex I'd had with the Kazekage, I had to go to work. Ichina had been texting me, messages I was blissfully ignoring in favor of enjoying the Kazekage's hands all over my body. Although not urgent, something was happening at work that required my immediate attention once my shift started. So when I arrived at the hospital, slapping my cheeks in an effort to get fucking the Kazekage out of my head, I clocked in and asked one of the nurses to locate Ichina for me as my phone had been left at home, lost in some corner of the office where I'd chucked it. It didn't take long for her to find me.

"Oh thank god you're here." she said as she approached me.

"What's going on?"

"Do you remember Patient X?" I nodded. "Well, he's awake."

* * *

 **A/N: Okay so, just as a disclaimer, I do not own the song. It's called Make It to Me by Sam Smith. I was listening to it as I wrote this chapter and I thought it was so perfect. Also thank you everyone for all the favs, comments, and reviews. Feedback is my motivation to keep the story going :)**


	5. Decisions

5\. Decisions

I entered Patient X's room as calmly as I could manage, checking first to see if he was indeed awake. He was sitting up in the bed, looking down at his hands, hard look on his face. I was unhappy to see that his skin coloring wasn't completely normal, although it seems the medicine had been working. The redness his skin had previously displayed was gone but the black marks had returned. I cleared my throat.

"Hello, my name is Koshinja, I'm your doctor." I introduced myself evenly as I walked towards his bed. I reached for his chart, frowning internally at his stats. The chakra test I ordered had come back negative, but more worrisome was the note someone had quickly scribbled at the bottom of the page. _Check his side._ I smiled. "So Mr., you gave us quite the scare a few days ago. What's your name, if you don't mind my asking?"

"I'm not sure." He looked up at me then, panic plastered across his face. "I- I can't remember. I can't remember much of anything."

"Easy, easy, it's okay, we'll start slow. I'll ask you some easy questions and we'll see if it triggers anything." I set his chart aside and grabbed my stethoscope. "But first let me take a look at your heart. Please, turn around." He complied and I grabbed the hem of his shirt, lifting it for better access to the points I desired. While simultaneously instructing him on when to take deep breaths I did as the note had instructed and checked his skin. I didn't know what it was that the person who'd wrote the note was referring to as I saw nothing on either of his sides.

I lowered his shirt and draped my instrument around my neck. "Well you sound fine but these bruises are still bothering me. Can you tell me what happened before you made it to the village entrance?"

He shook his head. "I remember being in the desert, I don't know why I was there but I know I was headed here. I remember seeing the guards and then everything is black. When I woke up, there was a woman changing the IV."

"Do you know where you were coming from? Otogakure, perhaps?" I tried.

He tilted his head. "Why would you think I was from the Sound Village?"

"We found a Hidden Sound headband tucked into the waist of your pants." I walked over to the shelf across the room where this man's belongings were set and retrieved them. "Aside from this piece of paper, it was the only thing you had with you."

I gave him the objects and while he cast aside the headband, he held close the paper. "This is my handwriting." he remarked, mostly to himself.

Just then the room door flew open. Two people came in, a man and a woman, neither of whom I'd ever seen before. The man moved so quickly that my eyes couldn't follow, only behold the end result which was him holding the patient by his wrists with one hand and a kunai to his neck. The woman approached me slowly.

"We'll be taking him off your hands now." she asserted.

I was still trying to recover from how quickly everything had happened. "What is going on?"

"We were told to apprehend the man in this room, and that's all I can tell you." she put her hand on her hip, moving aside her waist-length yellow hair, obviously annoyed by my presence.

"But this man, he's my patient; he needs treatment."

"Not my problem."

"How long will he be gone?"

"I can't tell you that." She nodded to her partner who disappeared with the man.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Where are you taking him?"

She brought her fingernails to her face and examined them. Her response conveyed her boredom. "Can't say."

She was pissing me off. "Before I rip your tongue out of your head, why don't you tell me who authorized you to bust into _my_ hospital and mistreat _my_ patients?"

She locked eyes with me, amusement playing at her lips. "Your husband."

I was out of the door and on my way to the Kazekage's office before I realized what I was doing. I was so angry. How dare they invade the sanctity of a hospital, a place of healing, with their weapons and arrogance? As I entered the building I was addressed by the receptionist, Mitotsuki.

"Who are you here to see? Hey, wait! Koshinja!" He called after me as I was walking by.

"The Kazekage."

I heard him speak through the phone as he said "Sir, your wife is here to see you." but I kept on moving through the building in my haste. I had a problem with this, a problem I felt I needed to voice. So I slide the door to his office open and entered without any regrets. Baki stood off to the corner watching me carefully, I knew. I stopped a few feet from his desk and leaned into my hip.

"Two shinobi just barged into one of my patients' room and forced him away."

He set his hands down on his desk. "Yes, I am aware."

"How could you let them do that? What if I hadn't been there? A man under my care would've just vanished into thin air."

"Murakami should have given you notice beforehand and from your current state, I am to assume she did not. For that, I apologize."

His apology calmed some of the fire burning inside me, but I still wanted an explanation. "Where has he been taken?"

"That isn't for you to know."

"When that man was brought into the hospital, he was seizing. You know the unstable condition he's in, if something happens to him who's going to treat him? He needs to be at the hospital where he can be properly cared for."

"I understand your concern for this person." He stood slowly and the look he gave me made me want to shrink away. "However, that does not warrant this sort of behavior. Koshinja you and I are married, yes, but I do not know you. And hence, you may not enter my office as you have done, unannounced and uninvited and questioning my decisions."

I couldn't believe it, he was scolding me. I didn't know what to say. I hadn't been reprimanded like this since I was a genin, training with a team and a sensei. I was at a loss for words, not to mention mortified. I moved my hands back to my side and dropped my head. "It wasn't my intention to disrespect you." And not knowing what to do, I remained that way. All the ager I'd previously housed within me was replaced with the desire to quickly be forgiven and to get the hell out of the building.

"Koshinja," I looked up and he was in front of me, hand beneath my chin, raising my head so my gaze met his. "I do not think your kindness misguided." He moved his hand. "And I do agree with your concerns and if you so wish, I will make arrangements for you to treat this stranger while he is in our custody.

I nodded and turned away from him. "I have to get back to the hospital, my shift isn't over." And I left.

On my trek back to my job, I went over the encounter I'd just had with the Kazekage. I didn't like how he'd spoken to me, as if I were a child. I must have looked so foolish, I had been acting rather rudely. But more bothering was his assertion that he didn't know me. I knew it was as true a statement as the fact that we were married but somehow it bothered me. He was right, he didn't know me. We didn't know each other. I didn't even know what was happening and trying to figure it out made my head hurt. How were we going to be married if we didn't know each other? What was the point of saying 'wife' or 'husband' if I was going to be treated like any other subordinate? I believed in equality in marriage but, what did he think?

At lunch I relayed my worries to a generally unhelpful Ichina. She'd never been married so she had little help to offer. Only a suggestion, that perhaps we see a therapist. Couple's therapy was something that more and more people were deciding to do, she insisted. So as I walked through the door of my house and took off my shoes, I was considering it. This wasn't a relationship that needed mending, it was one that needed a foundation. If we didn't have love then we'd need something else, maybe friendship? I didn't know. When we danced I had thought… but maybe I was wrong. Maybe all we'd ever be was the Kazekage and his wife.

I started dinner and buried in my thoughts, it flew by. By the time I'd set the table, the Kazekage was standing in the doorway of the dining room. I didn't look at him, simply took my seat and begun to eat. In the silence our meal dragged on. Whatever comfort in silence I'd found in the past few months was gone, replaced by a tension I doubted either of us understood.

After dinner I was making the bed. The Kazekage was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. On my last side I was fashioning the edge of the fitted sheet to the mattress when the opposite end popped up. So, finishing the current end I had, I moved to fasten the other when another side popped up. I frowned and replaced the current one and moved to the other. And without fail, as soon as the sheet on my side was fitted to the mattress, another end popped up. In a fit of frustration I yanked on the sheet, pulling all sides free. I wanted to rip that damn fabric to shreds and was reaching to do so when I felt the Kazekage's hands covering mine and taking the sheet from me. I just stood there for a moment as he made the bed, successfully. Watching him do it for me made me mad. To avoid saying something, I went into the bathroom and washed out his abandoned toothbrush and set it in the holder. I moved to wipe the counter and encountered a particularly stubborn spot. I sprayed it and rubbed but it would not wipe away. Before I could break the furniture in half, again, the Kazekage was there, gently taking the cloth from my hand. In defiance I grabbed an old toothbrush and got in the tub to clean the drain. If I wanted to clean, then god dammit I was going to clean. He shouldn't be the only one allowed to make decisions. I scrubbed away at the edges of the tub, pushing the toothbrush down until the bristles nearly broke. _Fuck him._ _He can't just do as he pleases, not with my patients and not with me._ And for the third time that night I felt his hand over mine.

"I can do it myself dammit!" I yelled as I leaned up quickly and away from him, receding into the corner of the tub. It was a moment before I realized I had thrown the toothbrush at him. Three things happened in the moments after the brush left my hand: I was filled with immediate regret, he allowed it to hit him square in the forehead, and Temari's warning sounded an alarm in my mind. My mouth hung open a little before I could move to cover it.

"You're upset." he remarked.

"I'm so sorry Lord Kazekage, I didn't mean to." I stammered out, fear of retaliation forming.

He continued, not seeming to care about the object now on the floor. "What's bothering you, Koshinja?"

The fact that I was totally embarrassed earlier, the fear that I won't ever been seen as 'Koshinja' again, you, your constantly authoritative demeanor, your control, your stupid face. I turned my head. "Nothing." His next question surprised me.

"Are all women this way?"

I sighed, gathering my knees to my chest as he sat on the edge of the tub. "Yeah, probably."

"Koshinja-"

"Shut up Kazekage-sama," He look surprised so I clarified, not meeting his eyes. "I just need a moment." Mostly I needed it to keep the tears at bay. All my fears and frustration were housed in the words I wanted to say but couldn't. So before any could escape I rose from the tub and moved past him into the room. "I don't feel like talking, I just want to go to sleep." I heard my voice crack as I made my way to the newly-made bed. Before I could make it to my side, I felt myself being stopped.

"Koshinja, please speak with me. I want to know what's bothering you." the Kazekage said.

I whirled on him. "And why do you always get what you want? What about what I want? I wanted that patient to stay in the hospital and you just dismissed me and embarrassed me in front of one of your colleagues." I felt the tears as they spilled from my eyes but he wanted me to talk right? So I would talk, I was going to talk until I'd said everything I had to. "You never came to me as the head doctor, you didn't even consider the care of that man. You took him from my hospital, I take that personally you know. He was my patient, someone should have asked me what I thought. Maybe I didn't think he was well enough to be kidnapped- what happens if he dies? Whose head do you think that falls on? Yours? That bitch who blatantly disrespected me? No, it falls on mine. But it's more than all that. It's just…" I tried to steady my breathing. "Is this what I'm going to be for the remainder of whatever relationship we have?"

He stared at me, frowning. "I don't understand."

I wiped at the tears. "In that room I felt discarded, as the head of the village's only hospital and as your partner. I felt like a child and I felt patronized, especially when you made me look at you. What was that? Was that supposed to be comforting, because it wasn't. I was cast aside; is that what's our marriage is going to be like? Am I going to just be 'the wife' to you like I'm starting to be for everyone else? I've known Mitotsuki since we were seven or eight years old and instead of using my name when he told you I'd come to see you, he said 'your wife'. Is that who I am now, just your wife? Why can't we be married and I still be addressed as an individual. You are, so why not me? Aren't we supposed to be equals?"

I'd paused, mostly to take a breath, but also because I really needed an answer. He sighed. "Koshinja, you speak of equality, but I am the Kazekage and as far as our positions are concerned, we will never be equals. Equality in marriage is a different matter and might be obtained. I am sorry, I truly did not realize how much our earlier encounter had affected you but you need to understand that as Kazekage the decisions I make will always be in the best interest of the village."

I stepped towards him, claiming all of his attention and unwavering in my glare. "What are you going to do with him?"

He narrowed his eyes. "If he was found with a headband, we can't ignore the possibility that he is a ninja from the Sound, you even said so yourself. The Sound is a village we've had problems with in the past. We need information, that is all."

"Information?" My eyes widened. "You're going to torture him?"

I saw his resolve as he spoke. "We will do what must be done."

"He has amnesia!" I shouted. "He won't be able to tell you anything because he doesn't remember anything!"

"He could be lying."

I threw up my hands. "And if you hadn't snatched him from up under me I could have found out _without_ hurting him! Doesn't he have any rights?"

He crossed his arms. "No, not in a situation such as this. I will not take any chances, the village comes first."

Whether he was angry or annoyed, I could not tell, nor did I care. "And will it always be this way? Inhumane treatment in the name of a potentiality?"

"You were a shinobi once, you know the code." He walked around me then, back towards his side of the bed. I followed him.

"I am a doctor now, I follow a different code which is to help people, all people, especially those who need it."

"I made a decision as Kazekage, Koshinja, to err on the side of caution. I'm sorry you cannot accept that." He was getting into the bed, sitting up and staring at me, waiting for me to continue. When I didn't he reached for the light and turned it off. In total darkness I balled my fists together.

"Fine. If you want to keep dismissing me then fine." I walked over to my side of the bed and grabbed my pillows and fought the impulse to steal his too. I did, however, give in to the temptation of stealing both blankets and taking my book too. With all the stuff I made my way to the door.

"Where are you going Koshinja, why aren't you coming to bed?" I heard him call to me through the darkness.

At the door, I turned to him. "Since you want to keep pushing what I have to say aside, you won't have to worry about me tonight. I'm staying out of your way. You may be able to order me around in a professional setting because of our 'positions' but in this house I'll do as I please. And tonight that's sleeping by myself on the couch. See, I can make decisions too." I opened the door and drug the sheet to safety on the other side of the doorway, so it wouldn't get caught during my exit. I turned around to reach for the knob before adding "Oh yeah, and I want to see a marriage counselor. How's that for a decision?" Then I slammed the door and made my way to the living room and away from, by far, the most stressful situation I'd faced in my entire life.


	6. Jibun

6\. Jibun

As I lay on the couch, trying my hardest to stop the tears, I wondered if the Kazekage was still awake. It had been a few hours since our… argument? Fight? Disagreement, yeah. It had been a few hours since our disagreement but I still was having trouble sleeping. Every half hour or so of lying awake in the darkness of the living room snippets of what'd happened would flash behind my eyelids and prompt more tears. The later into the night it grew, the less I could remember exactly what had been said. I kept going over and over in my mind why I was so angry and continually came up with less than satisfactory answers. I wanted to talk to somebody, maybe Ichina or Kankuro. But it was late and I wasn't sure if either would be awake, although I was still willing to try. I didn't even know which of them I would call though, I suppose it depended on the reactions I wanted, the answers I wanted to hear. If I wanted unconditional support and someone to side with me, I supposed I should call Ichina. But if I wanted perspective or brutality, Kankuro was the better option. In the end, I guess I just wanted comfort.

Although I had decided to call, I needed my phone. I had to think hard about where it was, replaying the day in my mind, all the way back to this morning when I had been cleaning up after the party. I sighed and rose from the couch, heading to the office. I slid the door open and turned on the light, immediately spotting my phone, discarded in one of the corners. I walked over to it and picked it up, thinking back to the reason why I'd thrown it away in the first place. I eyed the desk regretfully, wondering how we'd gone from fucking in the morning to fighting in the evening. I shook my head. It was just mess and I knew it would only get messier if I didn't get some help. So I left the room and dialed the phone on my way back to the couch.

"Hello?" Kankuro's sleepy, irritated voice filtered through the phone.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, of course not, it's just damn near two in the morning. Most people aren't asleep at all at this time of night."

I sighed, feeling the pressure in my head returning. "Never mind."

"Hey wait." He'd stopped me just in time. "What's the matter?"

"Well, I-" My throat was constricting around the words, trying to avoid crying again, mostly from the fear of being judged and also because I was just tired of it. "Well I'm just feeling kind of lonely, is all."

He paused. "Did something happen?"

"Yes, and no. I don't really want to get into it right now." I said, sitting back onto the couch.

"Hold on, where are you? You're not whispering, is Gaara with you?"

I wrapped my free arm around myself. "No, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."

"Well, are you okay?"

I shrugged. "I guess so, maybe? I don't know. I just—" I took a deep breath. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"When Gaara became the Kazekage, did it change your relationship at all?"

I could hear some movement on the other end of the phone and what sounded like a light being turned on. "Let me guess, you're having some adjustment trouble? Is living with the Kazekage finally getting to you?"

I laid back into my pillow. "Yeah, yeah I guess so. How'd you know?"

Kankuro laughed a little. "Koshinja, I know you. I have for a long time now."

"I wish I could say the same for me and your brother."

He sighed. "Look, I know this wasn't something either of you chose, and although I'm not entirely sure what happened, whatever it was, you have to trust Gaara. I know he's got a hard exterior and yes, it can get annoying not knowing what he's thinking but I've known him for a long time too- all his life actually- and I can honestly say that he's always going to do what he thinks is best for other people."

I could beg to differ. But instead I turned on my side and swallowed back the dryness in my throat. "I don't know what happened Kankuro, we were just starting to get along, just moving past the threshold of acquaintances and I thought we might make it to friends but now, I'm not so sure."

"Koshinja I'm going to be honest with you, I don't think whether you and Gaara are friends really matters. Is it ideal? Yes. Is it necessary? No. In the end you have to remember why you two are together in the first place, which is to fulfill a duty. I know it sounds harsh but, did you ever think that maybe that's all this is to Gaara? And that, perhaps, that's all it should be to you too?"

I closed my eyes. "Yeah, I thought of that."

"This is a tricky one, Shinja, and you and Gaara are going to have to decide what it is you want out of your relationship, if there is anything. And if there is, you need to be ready for a rough journey."

"When do you become a relationship expert?" I said, smiling to myself.

"Oh I've been in love my fair share of times, picked up a few tricks along the way, but I'm no expert. Maybe you should go talk to a real one, get a shrink. I mean I don't know how effective that'll be but hey, it's worth a shot right?" He yawned at the end of his sentence.

"I was thinking the same thing. I guess it's the best course of action right now." I pulled the cover up to my neck and yawned as well. "Thanks Kankuro, for talking to me this late at night. I know you have a lot of things to do."

"Hey it's no problem. I'm here for you, both of you."

I was going to hang up but then I remember something. I spoke seriously into the phone. "Oh and Kankuro, can you please keep this between us two? I really don't want your sister to find out."

He chuckled a bit. "Okay, no problem. 'Night little sis."

"Goodnight." I hung up the phone. I wasn't necessarily sure if I felt any better but I didn't feel any worse, and I was more solidified in my decision to seek out a therapist. Earlier I had said it because I was angry but with two suggestions in the same day, I now thought it was a good choice. So I got up from the chair again to find the phonebook, dragging the cover along with me for warmth. I knew it was in the bedroom so I forced myself to go in there, deciding I would be quick, in and out. I went into the closet and found it fairly easily in one of the dresser drawers. On my way out of the closet I turned the light off and snuck a peek at the bed. The Kazekage was laying there silently, breathing evenly in a deep slumber. He seemed comfortable although I wondered why it was he didn't have a blanket. Looking down at myself I realized it was because I had stolen both of them earlier. I sighed because, well, that was wrong, I shouldn't have done that. Fighting off my stubbornness I walked over to him and placed the cover over his sleeping form. He stirred slightly, making me think that maybe he had awoken. I was gone before I could find out, not wanting another altercation so late in the night. So I returned to the couch with the phonebook, flipping through the pages until I found the health services section. There was only one name under 'relationship health': Dr. Lea Hirashi.

"I guess we'll go see Dr. Hirashi tomorrow after I get off from work."

…

My morning had been decidedly uneventful. I woke up on the floor after having rolled off the couch in my sleep, took a long, hot shower, and made breakfast for myself and the Kazekage, ate mine alone and left his on the stove for him. Then I went to work, completing all of my usual duties- making rounds, checking in on patients, boatloads of paperwork- without a stall for the first half of the day. Now it was lunch time and I was eating in my office because I wasn't in the mood to face Ichina and relay the events of the previous night. I was looking for the phone number I'd programmed in my phone before coming to work. After a few rings, I was connected to a receptionist who put me on hold as I waited for the doctor.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Dr. Hirashi?"

"Yes, this is she." The woman on the other end of the line spoke politely, almost cheerfully.

"Hi Dr. Hirashi. My name is Koshinja and I was wondering if I could schedule an appointment for your earliest availability after five o'clock this afternoon?"

I could hear as she flipped through some papers. "Do you have insurance?"

"Yes, I checked yesterday and I have nearly full coverage. There should be a co-pay of about 100 ryo." I was happy I'd done a bit more research.

"Great. Appointments usually last for an hour so how does six thirty work for you? It's my last availability after the time you specified for today."

I shrugged. "Sounds perfect."

She wrote something down. "Okay and will it just be you Mrs.…?"

"Oh Aomori, Koshinja Aomori."

"Okay Mrs. Aomori, will Mr. Aomori be joining us today or are you going to start your first session alone?"

I couldn't deny the satisfaction I felt in hearing her question. The Kazekage, for some reason or another, didn't have a last name so when we were wed, they decided it would be best if he took mine. It was fact that few people knew and for me, it felt like a win. "Yes, he'll be there."

"Okay, you're all set. Just check in with the receptionist when you arrive. Have a pleasant rest of your day."

"You too, thank you." I responded before ending the call.

"Who was that?"

I looked up to see Murakami standing in my doorway with her hands on her hips. I narrowed my eyes at her. "I don't see how that's any of your business."

She shrugged and tossed her hair before venturing further into the room. "They sent me here to tell you to report to the Kazekage's office."

I stood up, grabbing my water bottle and sighing. "Fine."

"Ooh," she jeered at me as I passed her. "Trouble in paradise?"

I crossed my arms, lowering my voice before speaking. "Get the fuck out of my office."

"You could be a little nicer you know. That mean streak's probably why you need a marriage counselor in the first place."

I grit my teeth before flinging the bottle at her, which she dodged easily. Murakami sucked her teeth patronizingly at me as she left. As I made my way to the Kazekage's office, I put it in my mind to make getting Murakami demoted a personal goal. She was rude, disrespectful, and arrogant and I would not have her treating me in such a manner anymore. Being the Kazekage's wife had better come with some perks.

I was reaching for the door of the building's main entrance when suddenly I was yanked away, my hands forced behind my back. Before I could scream however, I felt the cool fabric of a bag being placed around my head.

"Hey Shinja, calm down."

"Kankuro?" I questioned, my voice muffled through the bag.

"Gaara told us to come get you and take you to the man we have in custody. But since you're a civilian, you're not allowed to know where the place we're keeping him is located. Sorry for the rough treatment." he explained.

I didn't say anything, just allowed myself to be lead wherever it was we were going. The walk wasn't a long one and at one point I felt myself descending stairs. I figured wherever this place was was probably underground, which also lead me to conclude that we were most likely headed for a torture chamber. The thought didn't sit right with me but as we continued, I knew my suspicions were correct. A rancid smell hit my nose like a slap to the face, burning my nostrils and churning my stomach. And in the moments of inhaling rusty walls and corroded blood I was thankful for my temporary blindness, fearing the sight of their source more than anything. I couldn't hear much besides our footsteps, three pairs, which lead me to believe there was another person besides Kankuro. Finally we stopped and I heard a door open as someone pulled the bag from my head. I was met with a sight that made me gasp in horror. The man from the hospital, my former patient, was lying still on the ground, matted hair strewn about his bruised and beaten face. Not much of his body was exposed through the tattered clothing but what I could see was covered in scars of differing shapes and sizes. But perhaps most disturbing of all was the fact that he was clutching the same piece of paper as before, only this time it was stained with blood.

"His body's producing irregularities in chakra flow and blood clotting. There's a lot of pressure building behind the skin. We don't want him dead, he's no good to us that way." Kankuro said to me. My eyes were adjusting to the dimly lit room as I looked around. There was a little station set up for me in one of the corners with medical equipment ranging from basic items to advanced tools.

"You want me to continue administering treatment to him down here?" I asked incredulously.

Kankuro nodded. "We don't want him around the general public incase his intentions are less than friendly."

I walked over to the man, approaching him slowly and carefully, like you would an injured animal. I bent down, reaching out to touch his shoulder and retracting my hand as he drew violently away in horror. I was torn between anger and despair at his current state. I looked at Kankuro who gave me a what-can-you-do shrug.

"Ninanto will stay with you as you treat him," he said, gesturing to the other person who'd accompanied me to the room. "I have some other business to attend to. I'll be back in about two hours." And with that Kankuro was gone, leaving me to deal with a patient turned prisoner. He was lying on the ground still, a little ways away from me, holding onto his paper for dear life. I walked over to him and instead of reaching for him, this time I laid beside him. The floor was cold and smelled of blood, urine, and an over-powerful cleaner that tried its best to hold in the secrets of the room. It was gross but I wasn't in the mood to care. I looked at the man who was staring at the paper. We stayed like that for a few minutes, mostly because I felt extremely guilty and I didn't know what to say.

"Jibun." He said it so softly that I nearly missed it. "I remembered my name, it's Jibun."

I nodded, wondering how many times they'd assaulted him before the information had been beaten into his head. "I don't know if you remember mine but I'm—"

"Koshinja." he finished for me.

"That's right. I know you're probably in a lot of pain and you have no reason to believe me but I'm here to help you. You're still… very sick. Will you stand up with me so I can treat you?"

There was a pause before he nodded. I promptly helped him up and lead him to the gurney they'd left before helping him onto it. Quickly I set an IV and administered a small amount of morphine. As I was working, Jibun was watching me intently.

"Why do you want to help me?"

"I can't just stop caring about you because the circumstances change. It's my job to care, I'm still your doctor."

"But I'm an enemy."

"You don't know that."

He looked away from me. "The others certainly seem to think so."

I was disinfecting his arm, trying to get it as clean as possible. I needed to make an incision to check the buildup of blood and chakra. "I am truly sorry you ended up here, if it were up to me I would have left you in the hospital where I could take better care of you. Unfortunately, it wasn't my call to make."

He didn't say anything for a while and I continued to work, using the scalpel to cut into his skin. Just like before, the blood spurted. That upset me.

"Am I going to die?"

"Well," I started as I examined the scar on his chest from the surgery. "We need to figure out what's causing such an extreme buildup of chakra. The medication I was administering to you will only take your body so far before your organs fail due to lack of proper blood circulation. I'm going to do all that is within my power to fix the problem before that happens." I turned to dig through the bag someone had left for me, hoping on the off chance that someone had packed the pentoxiphylline.

"I meant, am I going to die in here?"

I stopped before my fingers could close around the vile of medicine. I sighed, a heavy, tired sound. As I returned to add the medicine to his IV I couldn't meet his eyes. But I had to be truthful. "I don't know."

Since I wouldn't look at his face, my eyes lingered elsewhere, mostly over his clothes and to his side. I furrowed my eyebrows at the appearance of a strange mark. There stood a bruise I hadn't previously noticed. The purple color spread over a small area, in a shape I tentatively assumed to be flower petals. I thought back to the note on the bottom of his chart from the hospital. This must've been what it was referring to. It was a strange mark and I would definitely have to monitor it, as well as let the Kazekage know about it.

I made a mental note and continued to work, administering standard tests such as blood pressure and heart rate and jotting down the results on a blank sheet of paper that had been left for me. When the door opened up again it was Kankuro. I couldn't believe it'd been two hours already, it hadn't felt that long. Looking back at Jibun I noticed he was on his side, still holding the piece of paper tight to his chest. I tried to smile at him before making my way towards Kankuro.

"So, how'd it go?" he asked, moving to stand behind me.

"Fine." I responded, prepared this time for the bag that was placed over my head. And as we started walking away from the horrible place we'd been in for the past few hours, I knew this day was going to be filled with one stressful thing after another.


	7. New Ground

**A/N: I decided to upload this chapter as well tonight, I felt like the last one didn't have a lot of substance. Hope you guys like it! As always, many thanks to all the readers and the reviews, they are my lifeblood. And for all the followers, you guys keep me going ;) Okay, on with the story...**

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7\. New Ground

We were sitting on the loveseat in Dr. Hirashi's office, had been for nearly forty-five minutes. She was adjusting her glasses and consulting her notebook in which she had written a couple pages worth of information during our time together. We'd taken turns speaking with her, relaying our side of the story as the other waited outside in the hall. Now we were waiting as she flipped through her notes.

"Okay, so, from what I'm understanding Koshinja, you're having a bit of an identity crisis. You feel like since you've gotten married to the Kazekage, who you are has been compromised by your marital status. You don't mind being married but you feel like it shouldn't been the sole factor of your identity. You want to be on equal terms with your husband as individuals."

I nodded my head. "Yes, that's right."

"And Lord Kazekage, while you say that it wasn't your intention for Koshinja to feel discarded, the topic of equality isn't applicable to your relationship outside of the home. And although you believe it is possible within your marriage, it isn't likely."

He nodded his head once and I shook mine, I didn't know he'd made a comment on the likeliness. "Look Dr. Hirashi, all I'm asking is for a little respect. Not from everybody, just from him, in the _way_ I respect him. Why can't the levels of respect be mutual?"

"Well see that's the thing Koshinja, you have yet to understand the difference between Lord Kazekage as the leader of this village and as your husband. As long as he is the Kazekage, you two will never receive the same amount of respect, even from one another. But that's not to say it's impossible or even improbable to obtain as husband and wife. But I think in order for the latter to come about, you Koshinja, need to make the former distinction and you, Lord Kazekage, should try to understand Koshinja's point of view. Perhaps you, without realizing it, came off as condescending and authoritative, two tones that should never be expressed from one partner to the other. As long as you treat her as a subordinate within your own home, there will never be true equality. Now," she set her notepad down and crossed her legs. "Let's talk about your relationship as a whole. How would you two describe it?"

After she finished her question, we both looked at one another. I didn't really know how to describe it and apparently neither did he. But I spoke up. "I'm not sure."

Dr. Hirashi reached for her book. "When I asked you a similar question earlier you said it was as if you had "no foundation." Is that correct."

"Well, yes."

She took of her glasses and wiped at them as she spoke. "Arranged marriages are a little tricky, for the simple fact that the two people have had nothing to build off of. When I asked each of you if you thought it was possible for you two to become friends, you both said yes. That shows willingness to pursue a relationship that is more substantive than your current one." She replaced her glasses. "Here's my suggestion: start establishing boundaries in the professional environment. Map out what types of questions, actions, tones and behaviors are acceptable in your workplace relationship. For your at-home relationship, do the same and also establish a common ground, an environment in which you can communicate openly, freely, and without fear of one another's reactions. You need to get more comfortable with each other if you wish to be friends. I suggest you start calling the Kazekage by his first name as he said you could, Koshinja. Both of you have to lay out the framework for friendship." She checked her watch. "We're just about done here, but before you leave I want to give you a bit of homework. When I asked you two when it was you thought you started getting along, you both said about a week ago. So I want you two to think about and agree upon the instances or events leading up to your relationship's beginning and recreate them. Perhaps revisiting those moments will help you discover some new ground."

Just as she finished, the timer went off. She smiled and wrote something down on her pad before standing up to see us out. We thanked her before leaving her office and heading home. We walked in silence through the humid night air. I knew his eyes were taking in the surrounding area and scanning it for danger as we made our way through the village. It wasn't very late, around eight or so. I thought back to the homework Dr. Hirashi had given us.

"When did we start getting along Koshinja?"

So, he was thinking about the same thing I was. I shoved my hands in my pocket. "Well, I have to think about it." I went back in my mind, before the fight, before the dance, before the birthday and realized we started to really get along after we'd started sleeping together. With a sigh I said "We have to make a stop at the late-night shop."

He looked at me questioningly and I stubbornly looked away. "Pineapple clusters, remember?"

And so there we were, sitting at the dining room table, two glasses of wine poured, two sets of eyes staring at two tiny clusters chockfull of aphrodisiacs and sweetness. I looked over my glass at the Kazekage as I took a sip of my drink. Yes, he was still hot. I just wasn't in the mood. But I was willing to pop that thing in my mouth as long as he was too. We stared at each other a bit, taking alternating sips of wine until both glasses were gone. I wanted to reach for the stupid cluster but I couldn't bring myself to. I think he sensed that and rose to grab the wine bottle from the kitchen, pouring two more glasses, prolonging and stalling. And again we went, staring one another down over our wine glasses until it was all gone again. Warmth was spreading through my chest but I knew it'd take a little more to get me tipsy. Hopefully one of us would be brave enough to eat the damn thing so it wouldn't come to that. Then I realized something as the Kazekage left the room again.

"Wait," I had to force myself to say his name, I wasn't used to the informality of it yet. "Gaara, aren't you only twenty? You're not old enough to drink."

He appeared with the bottle of grey goose Kankuro had given him for his birthday and two shot glasses, pouring us each one in response. I looked at him questioningly, he didn't seem like to type to enjoy alcohol. I was actually really surprised he'd even considered it but, then again, given the circumstances… I shrugged my shoulders as he tipped his head back. I followed suit, ignoring the hell out of the troublesome candy and the burning of my throat as the vodka went down. Usually I would chase a drink like this, but not tonight. Within the next few minutes my vision blurred slightly and I started to waver. I could feel the buzz in my head. Before I'd realized it, I'd gotten tipsy. I looked at the Kazekage who was holding the bottle loosely in his hand after sloppily downing a fourth shot to my second.

He set the bottle down. His eyes were a bit wider and less focused but his cheeks were red and his mouth hung open slightly. Suddenly I found myself laughing, giggling like an idiot.

"What's so funny?" he asked, slurring his words a bit.

"Your face." I responded, trying to catch my breath.

He eyed the bottle and said "Fuck it," before pouring himself another shot. It took a second before I realized we were getting drunk. I hiccupped and decided we'd both had enough before taking the bottle from him and setting it back in the kitchen. I wasn't the steadiest I've ever been as I walked and I nearly fell a few times. I went back to the dining room and plopped into the chair before leaning on my hands and staring at Gaara.

"Y'know I was _super_ mad at you, uh, yester- yesternight." I know I sounded stupid but, hell, I was drunk, I didn't have any control.

He nodded, burying his hands in his hair and looking away. "I know, I know."

"But, like, how could you, y'know?"

In response he pushed his chair away from the table, gesturing for me to come to him. "C'mere."

I complied, keeping my balance with the table as I went before falling into his lap. Although inebriated, his arms around my waist was firm. The funny thing about drinking was how quickly a person's walls came down, how suddenly we became bare. He looked like he'd been hit by a wagon or something. "I try Koshinja. Being Tsuchikage is, is-"

"Kazekage."

He blinked. "Oh, oh right. Yes. Being the Kazekage is, um, is hard. I have to make hard decisions, and," He hiccupped. "And I try. I mean, I try _so_ very hard. And I'm sorry for I hurt your, um, feelings."

I tried not to bite my tongue as I snickered. "What?"

"Don't laugh Koshinja." he whined. "'S serious."

"But it's funny, y'know? Drinky you's so different."

Abruptly he grabbed my face, forcing me to look at him, and breathing in my face. His breath reeked of alcohol but, then again mine probably wasn't any better. He spoke slowly, as if neither of us could understand him. "I'm sorry Koshinja. I mean I'm really, really, really srry."

I nodded, my face squished between his hands. "Me too, y'know?"

His eyes widened with hope. "You're sure?" He returned his hand to my waist as I started to waiver. Then, he was rambling. "I mean, I rlly like you 'n I want you to, to like me too, don't wanna push you away, so—"

I covered his mouth with my hand. "Shut up, you talk too damn much, y'know."

Gaara put his hand around my wrist, making me look at him. His face was kind of pale despite the red color brought on by the booze. Suddenly I felt something wet on my hand and I drew it away, realizing he'd licked me.

"You can't lick me. How about, how about I lick you?" So I grabbed his face and ran my tongue all over his cheek which, admittedly was totally gross but which he obviously took as a challenge. Before I realized what was happening, we were tumbling to the ground and he had my hands pinned to the floor by my face. He leaned down and placed his tongue at the base of my collarbone, dragging it up the length of my neck to my cheeks. I was trying not to laugh because, well, it tickled. Gaara seemed satisfied and put his mouth over mine, moving to suck gently on my bottom lip. I groaned as he gnawed on it softly. He loosened his hold on my arm and I took the opportunity to flip us over. As I straddled him, I reached for the base of my shirt, pulling it over my head. I tossed it aside and looked down at his face to find his eyes closed.

"Gaara?" I shook his shoulder roughly and scoffed, forced to accept the fact that he'd passed out. "What the hell man, you can't leave me hanging like this- that's rude y'know."

So I got up and grabbed him by the shoulders, dragging him into our bedroom. Having only fallen once, I counted the journey as a success, until the overwhelming urge to pee hit me and I dropped him in order to make it to the bathroom. Getting him up on the mattress was the hardest thing though, and it took every last bit of my remaining strength to put him on his side towards the edge of the bed in case he threw up. Then I laid down and passed out as well.

…

The next morning I woke up a little groggy, but mostly fine. Well, that is to say, I escaped a hangover. So I swung my legs over towards the floor and headed to the bathroom. After a quick shower I went into the kitchen to get breakfast started. To my surprise, it was already sitting on the table.

"You cooked?" I my eyes befell the Kazekage as he sat eating at the table.

"I made an attempt."

I brushed some hair behind my ears before taking a seat. "Well thank you, it looks good."

We ate in silence for a few minutes before he spoke up. "Do you recall anything from last night?"

I wiped my mouth, noticing that he wasn't looking at me. "Are you embarrassed or something?"

"I'm not much of a drinker therefore I'm not entirely sure of my actions."

Oh yeah, he was embarrassed. This was sweet. "Quite frankly, I thought you were really cute. You were far more, uh, vocal than you usually are with me which was nice."

He tilted his head a little. "Do you wish me to speak more?"

I blushed. "Well, um, if you want to, I guess." Then I reached for my empty plate and his and headed to the kitchen, my heart beating a little faster in my chest. "Lord Kazekage- I mean Gaara, when you told me you liked me last night, what did you mean by that?" I set the dishes in the sink and paused, waiting for his response. "Gaara?"

When I went back into the dining room, he was pulling his shirt off, up over his head. I looked to the table, noticing that one of the clusters was gone. Another blush lit up my cheeks as he turned his stare on me, tossing his shirt aside and heading over. I watched him as he grabbed the other cluster on his way and stuck it in his mouth. Then he was in front of me, holding me by the nape of my neck and forcing his mouth on mine. He skillfully pried my lips open before transferring the candy to me. I pulled back to chew and swallow it but I knew his had already taken effect as he flipped me around and let his hand travel to the waistband of my pants. His mouth was by my ear, hot and whispering. "I meant that I like you."

That didn't explain anything. But I decided to counter. "If you like me, then how could you pass out on me like that? You left me hanging."

He pulled my shirt down at the collar, moving it aside to kiss the skin above my shoulder. "I'll rectify my mistake soon enough. However, did you consider that perhaps," One hand was unbuttoning my pants as the other did the same to my shirt. "I was punishing you for your rudeness at my office?"

Under normal circumstances his question would have made me mad. But I could already feel the effect of the candy taking over and all I could do was focus of his hands. As my shirt fell open he put them on my waist, pushing my pants down until they fell to my ankles. "So, Koshinja, you'd like for me to be more vocal?" I could feel my bra being unhooked before he guided it to the floor. "Let me ask you this then; the other day, when you said you'd like to spank me, how serious were you?"

"I was," I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the ache between my legs, noticing my breathing had become heavier. I was so intrigued by his question though that I decided it warranted more attention. "I was trying to turn you on."

His hands were massaging my thighs as he whispered huskily in my ear. "Do you enjoy being spanked?"

I didn't answer, instead attempted to challenge him, call his bluff. "You won't last long enough to spank me. I know that cluster affects you just like it does me." Then he grabbed my chin, turning my face to him and claiming my mouth.

"But Koshinja, I haven't eaten mine yet."

I opened my eyes and looked in the direction he'd left my head to the small shelf where a few household knickknacks were sitting, alongside the pineapple cluster I was sure he'd consumed. Suddenly, I was somewhere else, the bedroom, standing in the middle of the floor, with my arms restrained above my head with what I first thought to be his hands. Looking up I saw that it was sand that bound me. Then it clicked.

"Did you plan all of this?"

He nodded once, his expression growing serious. "Koshinja, we do not have to do this. Because of what you said I assumed you'd like it but if not, tell me, and immediately we'll stop."

I smiled. "Kazekage-sama, those aphrodisiacs are killing me and I've been on since I saw the breakfast that you made us." I groaned when the air conditioning clicked on and hit me square in the chest. I could feel my nipples growing hard, barely covered underneath my unbuttoned shirt. "I'm horny as fuck right now, so please, if you're going to, get back into character." It's funny how bold you get when you really want it.

And just like that, wrists still bound, I was staring at the ground, body across his knees. I couldn't deny the anticipation I was feeling as I lay draped over his lap.

"Koshinja please alert me if—"

"Lord Kazekage, for the love of god, spank me!"

His hand came down hard across my ass. Initially painful, the resonating sting was warm and teasing. Then, again, he hit me, moving down the curve of my cheeks towards my leg. I groaned loudly, feeling the smack reverberating against my sex.

"One for each of the times you've just addressed me by my title." The cool skin of the backside of hand soothed the inflamed spot as he rested it there. "Didn't I expressively tell you to say my name when I bring you pleasure?"

"Gaara I need-"

"To be silent because your punishment is not over? Yes, I thought so too."

I wasn't sure what was happening. All I knew is that I wanted him so badly that the pain I was feeling because of his hand as he continued to spank me was nothing compared to the pain of wanting him. Every time his palm met my skin I groaned in need. It was like he'd found a new spot on my body and kept hitting it just right, shoving me further into my arousal. I was sweating, aching, and breathless by the time he sat me up and onto his lap. He took my mouth in his as I put my arms around his neck. It wasn't comfortable.

"Gaara let my hands go, I want to use them."

His face was in between my chest as he looked up. "Say please."

"Please." The word flew out of my mouth before I could stop it. I mentally cursed my lack of will power and promised myself that he would pay, one of these days, and my revenge would be sweeter than the damn candy that got me in this mess in the first place.

The sand seemed to melt away, disappear to who-knows-where as he took one of my nipples in his mouth. I gasped before pushing him down against the mattress. He looked up at me questioningly, but interested.

"I'm getting tired of being teased. I want you, now."

So focused on getting what I wanted was I that I didn't wait for a response, just unzipped his pants and found my way to his erection. I pulled it free of his clothes, giving it a good stroke once or twice as I moved my panties aside. It took me a second to get positioned but when I did, I pushed myself down on top of him. It wasn't like the feeling of him inside me wasn't satisfying, it just wasn't enough. So I leaned forward, placing my hands on other sides of his head before dipping down for a quick, sloppy kiss. I steadied myself on my hands and displayed my boobs for him, nearly putting them in his face. He didn't get the hint.

"I'm so close. Grab them."

He complied as I started to move my hips, rocking back and forth on his cock. I was a mess, moaning and whining, groaning and gasping, just going crazy. I was certain my behavior was having an effect on Gaara as suddenly he was digging his hands into the flesh of my hips, propelling himself into me. Suddenly he'd leaned up, forcing us upright and my legs around his waist as I continued to move up and down on him. I placed my hands to my breasts, threw my head back, and came. He was quick to follow, wrapping his arms tightly around me as his orgasm hit, and we sat there for a moment in the afterwards, enjoying one another's fading convulsions.

I was breathing heavy, clinging to him as the shudders finally faded when something awful occurred to me. "We have to go to work now, don't we?"


	8. Self-less

8\. Self-less

It had been a week since the night Gaara and I had gotten drunk together and yet I found it more and more difficult to put our conversation out of my mind. I caught myself going back to it in the moments of silence at work, when I was walking places and happened to look at the sky, during the few times he spoke to me when I couldn't help but become fixated by his mouth as it moved. His confession kept rattling around in my head _"I really like you and I want you to like me too..."_ just over and over again. It was safe to say it was driving me crazy but I just hadn't come up with a way to bring it back up especially every time Kankuro took me to treat Jibun. After a week of treatment he still wasn't getting any better, actually worsening, so much that he'd soon return to the original state we'd discovered him in which was troublesome to say the least. If he started seizing again I wouldn't be enough to help him. The little hellhole they had me working in was nowhere near what he needed to get better, he needed to be at the hospital but I knew that wasn't possible.

I sighed, moving to the change the IV.

Jibun looked up at me. "What's wrong?"

"I just hate that they have you here."

"Well, that makes two of us."

I felt a pang in my chest as pity and guilt overtook my heart. I shuddered at the thoughts of what went on in this room when I was not present and I worried for this man's life if he couldn't remember anything. What would they do with him then? Probably kill him. I wanted to help him, I really did but, what could I do? I smiled sadly, administering the medicine to the bag. "Good to know they haven't completely crushed your soul."

"Yeah, well what they do to me is nothing compared to the pain in my side. I pass out from it sometimes."

"What pain? You didn't tell me about a pain." I remarked, turning back to him.

Jibun stuck his paper in his other hand and moved aside the tatters of his shirt to reveal the purple bruise I'd seen before. Only this time, it was covering most of the right side of his body. I didn't know what it was but I had the unshakable feeling that it was the cause of all of his current troubles. It wasn't much, just a feeling, but it was enough for me to allow myself a little hope. I took a deep breath, thinking that if I wanted to nurse Jibun back to health and get him to safety, I'd have to commit myself to figuring out what was causing the mark on his side.

The door opened to reveal Kankuro, standing against the darkness of the hallway and waiting. I looked back down at Jibun and couldn't stop myself from reaching out and grabbing his hand. "Hang in there, I promise I'll figure out what's happening to you."

He didn't really respond, just let his hand fall away as I walked away. It was as if he'd resolved himself to his fate, simply accepting whatever it was that was going to happen. I shook my head, what a shame. As I was lead back to the surface of wherever it was that we were, my mind was set on Jibun. I hated what was happening and if I couldn't figure out where the mark was coming from then maybe, if I could get rid of it, the amnesia and the bruises would go away too. And if that happens, and he complied, Jibun might just be able to get out of this alive. Otherwise, death for him was inevitable, regardless of what angle you looked at it.

After my shift ended, Ichina and I were headed to the library. I wasn't allowed to tell her everything I knew so I only said that I needed to look up skin diseases for a patient. It seemed to satisfy her curiosity.

"So, how's it going with you and the Kazekage?" she asked as we walked.

I sighed. "I guess it's better. I'm off the couch and we've been to Dr. Hirashi three times now."

"Oh yeah? How is she?"

I rubbed my arm in thought. "I like her enough. Last time she had us write out a bunch of rules for one another. It was supposed to be, like, a way for us to easily learn one another's comfort zones, in-home and out. She also made us bring a map of the house and designate areas for certain conversation topics that might lead to arguments. That way as long as one of left the area, the conversation had to end."

"Sounds… different." Ichina said, half-interested. "Have you guys talked about your sex-life yet?"

"No," I said shaking my head. "She hasn't asked so we don't bring it up. It's not like we're having problems or anything. To be honest, I don't think she even knows we've been sleeping together."

"Really?" She paused. "Well how's that been then?"

"Hard to say. We've slept together almost every day for the past week but I mean, it's just sex. It's really good- I mean _really_ good- sex but I feel like that's the only, like, "bonding" that we do. It's just that he said something to me the other night that makes me wonder if we should be doing more."

"What'd he say?"

We were at the library, walking in and showing the guard our passes for access to the archives as the conversation continued. I told Ichina about the night we'd been drinking and relayed to her word for word word, although admittedly with a more sober translation, what the Kazekage had said to me. She was puzzled, just as I had been.

"He should've been clearer. What the hell does that mean, "like"?"

I laughed. "I know right? Man, I feel like we're little kids again, talking about boys and trying to describe a crush with the word 'like'."

"Oh my god you're right, it is just like a crush." She laughed again and then stopped. "Hang on." Then she was in my face, hands on her hips as she assumed her you-can't-lie-to-me stance. "Shinja, do you have a crush on the Kazekage?"

A crush? Did I actually have a crush on my husband? I mean I thought he was hot, I thought he was kind, I did love seeing his face the few mornings I'd awoken next to him. When we'd gotten drunk and he relayed to me how hard he was trying for the village I remember being inspired. He was selfless as a man and generous as a lover. Oh my god.

I felt my face heat up as I looked away from Ichina. "Maybe, I don't know."

We'd reached the section I needed to go through. I was thankful for the distraction and tried to steady my mind as we sifted through the archives of strange skin diseases that'd been found on the people of the Suna in the last century. An hour into the search and I'd finally come across something promising. The folder was full of information on a woman who'd stumbled into the village a long time ago. I closed the folder and turned to Ichina.

"I have to go."

…

I was walking through the house, looking for Gaara. I found him sitting on the bed, flipping through a book which he closed as I entered the room. I was speaking quickly, pressed for time.

"Do you remember that mark I told you about, the one I saw on Jibun's side? Did you ever look into it like I asked you to?"

He stared at me for a moment. "Jibun? I am unfamiliar with that name."

His expression made me sick- how could you torture a person and not even give them the respect of knowing their name? But I pushed the feeling aside, there were more important matters at hand. "He's the prisoner."

Gaara shook his head. "I mentioned it to Kankuro who proceeded to examine him. He reported no such markings."

"Shit, I was afraid you were going to say that." I opened the folder and read aloud from one of the pages I'd bookmarked. "'Upon the arrival of the patient, a lotus-petal shaped mark was found on her back. Under constant supervision it was discovered that the mark faded in and out of view until it began to spread and consume her entire body.' Gaara, it's a curse mark. If Jibun is from the Sound, it's possible that he's one of Orochimaru's test subjects that survived."

He stood, concerned. "How could that be? Orochimaru has been dead for years."

I shook the folders at him. "It says here that the woman also had extreme amnesia, she didn't even know who she was. What if the mark didn't activate until recently? If he can't remember beyond the recent past, how do we know he even knows about the curse mark? What if he's just a remnant of a long abandoned plan?"

He held out his hand and I gave him the folder. He went through it, paying special attention to the pages I'd marked, scanning the information quickly. "The woman that they're talking about came to the village nearly thirty years ago. Jibun can't be more than forty, what if he was a child when it happened?" I said.

"It says the original purpose of the curse mark was infiltration, the woman drawing information directly from the brains of her victims. She was compliant until the marks covered her body completely and took over." He looked up at me. "When you last treated him, how far advanced were the marks?"

My eyes widened. "They were half-way."

He set the folders down and walked out of the room. I followed him quickly. "Wait." Gaara walked to his office, dialing his phone as he went. "Hey, wait." I tried to get his attention but to no avail.

"Baki, call a council meeting." he said simply before hanging up the phone.

I stood in front of him, blocking the exit. "Please, would you just listen to me!" His eyes burned but I remained. "I read in the folders that the woman was being controlled. The curse mark isn't just that, it's a ninjutsu. His chakra is being blocked by a third party. When the mark spreads, it gives them control of his network which in turn allows them manipulation of his body and jutsus."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Step aside Koshinja."

"No wait, you need to know they found a way to destroy the curse mark, like a cure. The paper is the key- these people are 'self-less' or without self. The kanji _means_ 'self'. Someone gave the woman a similar paper to counter the curse, to return 'self' to her, but the medics at the time figured that out when it was already too late. But it's not too late for Jibun. It's a seal release and will cut off the third party's access to him when activated. The effects of the curse mark can be eradicated by a simple mixture of medicines that is injected directly into the heart where the buildup lays." I grabbed his arms, desperately. "Don't you see? You don't have to kill him because I can save him."

Gaara moved me aside. "I will discuss it with the council."

I followed him. "Please Gaara, they won't even consider it and you know it. Let me help him."

He'd made it to the front door. "Koshinja this does not concern you. You are no longer a shinobi; you abandoned my perspective long ago. As I told you before, I will do what must be done, no matter the cost."

Then he was gone, leaving me alone to my shock and horror. I balled my fists together. "Then so will I."

I called Ichina as quickly as I could and explained to her the urgency of the situation. If Gaara was going to council then I didn't have much time, I had to get to Jibun before he did. I relayed to her the ingredients of the serum I needed her to make and to meet me at the entrance of the Kazekage's building as soon as she could with the mixture and a syringe. After hanging up I called Kankuro and lied as calmly as I could, asking him to meet me at the building as well because I'd forgotten to set Jibun's IV and he might slip into a comma if not corrected.

Ichina arrived first which was perfect.

"What's happening Shinja, are you okay?" she asked worriedly as she handed me the container and needle.

"You need to go, now."

She looked surprised. "Go where?"

"Anywhere but here." I snapped, worried Kankuro would show before she left. "You have to trust me."

Ichina didn't seem convinced but nodded anyway and entered the building. I transferred the contents of the container into the syringe and hid it in one of the kunai holsters around my ankle. I kept them there in case of emergencies but given the current situation I had to make a trade, settling for only one weapon instead. Then Kankuro appeared and I nodded to him as the bag went over my head.

When we arrived at the horrible little room, Kankuro started to remove the bag from my head. Before it came completely off, I whirled around and threw two sleep bombs at the ground and rushed into the room, closing the door behind me. What I saw as I turned around stunned me into immobility.

Ninanto was laying on the ground, dead or alive, I wasn't sure but with a large wound in his side. Jibun stood over his body, holding a dripping kunai and nothing else. I could see the marking all over his body, even his face and feet were not spared the destructive lotus-shaped marks. I watched in disbelief as he delivered a swift kick to the fallen ninja's side. He continued to kick the man, obviously not picking up on my presence yet. I frantically looked around for the paper before catching sight of it a few feet away. I rushed to grab it, successful in my endeavor however not in remaining unnoticed. When I looked up, Jibun was in my face.

I recoiled but he caught hold of my neck and hoisted me into the air. I grabbed at his hands, trying to lessen his grip so that air might return to my body. He smiled. "Hey doc."

"Jibun," I choked out. "Jibun, you have to stop."

He shrugged. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all that you've done for me and all but, no, I don't. I'm here on a mission for intel, something you and that scum over there will provide for me." I was clawing at his hands, tears springing into the corners of my eye as I kicked my feet feverishly. "Now don't worry, I'm not going to kill you yet." He dropped me then and I fell to the ground as air rushed into my lungs. My throat was sore and I started to hack, trying to breathe. I watched, helplessly as he grabbed Ninanto by the hair and held the kunai to one of his temples. In one quick stroke he'd scalped him. Ninanto's body fell to the ground, all except for the top of his head which Jibun tossed towards me. "Here," he said as the body part flew past me, staining my face with the fallen man's blood. "Have a look at your future."

But all I could do was keep my wide, terrified eyes on Jibun as he leaned down and crushed Ninanto's skull and reached for his brain, pulling it from his body and performing some jutsu which caused the organ, along with the hand that held it, to glow bright blue. And as suddenly as it had came, the light disappeared. Then Jibun turned his gaze on my before advancing. I was terrified. But as he neared me, everything seemed to slow down. It was in that moment that I realized if I didn't take action, he was going to kill me.

I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins as my eyes beheld my former patient. I wasn't really a ninja anymore although I was still at genin level realistically. I was also a doctor. So I quickly stood, acknowledging Jibun as a rival ninja but also as my patient to whom I'd made a promise, one I intended to keep.

I grabbed the one kunai I had and avoided his reach at the last second. I stuck the weapon in my mouth as I quickly found myself engaged in taijutsu, an up-close, altercation consisting mostly of avoiding punches and jabs and delivering my own. He was definitely more advanced but I was keeping up until one fatal moment, the one in which the cellar door opened. In that one instance I allowed myself to be distracted and Jibun got the best of me, restraining my arms behind my back and holding a kunai to my neck.

As Gaara's face came into view I realized I was now a hostage.

"Look's like I got lucky huh?" Jibun said, but to who he was speaking, I wasn't sure. "The Kazekage's wife, the head doctor, the perfect person to care for me."

With my kunai still held in my mouth I couldn't really speak. I looked on as others appeared behind Gaara, stopping in the doorway as he advanced into the room. Jibun took a step back for every that the Kazekage took forward. "You'd better keep your distance Red, or Koshinja won't have long for this world." Sand was surrounding Gaara, floating, it seemed, in the space around him. I'd never seen him fight but I knew it must have been his weapon.

I grimaced, wondering how pathetic I looked. I had talked so big before now, I thought I'd considered all the danger. Oh but what a situation I'd gotten myself into. And the worst part of all was the thought that Gaara might be hurt at my expense. But I was a big girl, having no team, no sensei, but a patient I'd vowed to save and a husband I wanted to protect. I knew I had to act. So doing my best, I built up chakra in my mouth and propelled the kunai towards Jibun's foot. The weapon hit its target and I quickly jabbed my elbow into his stomach.

"Jibun, you have to remember yourself!" I called out as I retrieved the syringe and the paper from the holster. "Remember who you are!" And as he fell I pushed the syringe through the paper and into his chest over his heart. As we hit the ground, I injected the medicine into his body and quickly retreated, jumping a few feet away.

He let out a horrendous screech as the paper started to glow. He thrashed about on the ground, trying to rip the paper from his chest although it seemed to have connected to his skin. All the spots on his body blazed with orange light before he grew still. I didn't move as the Sand's shinobi invaded the room, encircling him. They had their weapons poised to strike as the Kazekage and I looked on.

"Koshinja?" Jibun's voice was soft as he called out to me. My eyes widened.

I rushed over to him, stopped briefly by a sand cast around my ankle. I turned around, towards Gaara. "Let me go!" I cried out.

He shook his head once, his arms crossed. "It's not safe."

I grabbed at the sand, trying to free myself but it was no use. My arms were heavily and useless. I felt the tears as they pricked my eyelids. "Please, Gaara, please. He's dying."

A few seconds passed before the sand softened and I was able to go to Jibun, his body still glowing. He was looking up, not at anything in particular, just staring as blood trickled from his lips and down his chin. I covered my mouth, trying to conceal my sobs.

"Koshinja, I'm so sorry for all of this." he choked out.

I reached for his hand and held it to my face. "It's okay."

"I'll never be able to atone for the life I took today but I want to leave you with something before I go because I remember now." I fought the instinct to look away as he coughed violently, his head the only thing moving. "I was young when the snake-man took me. He gave me the mark and forced me to fight others who'd met a similar fate. I escaped the compound eventually but not before finding out that someone ordered my capture and experimentation in the first place. It was a 'Kage, although I'm not sure which one. The only other thing I can tell you is this." He coughed again and I gripped his hand tighter, the tears freely falling down my face. "I'm not from Otogakure, I'm from Kumogakure."

His violent coughing started up again and with my free hand I stroked his hair, shushing him, trying to calm him as death crept nearer. Suddenly a horrid, gurgling sound arose from his throat before the orange light that'd highlighted the marks on his body shot out of his skin. Blood splattered across me and those others who were too close as the piercing light dispelled in the darkness of the room around us. His hand was limp in mine and it wasn't long before someone reached down and retrieved the body. As his hand slid away I hung my head.

 _Forgive me Jibun, I couldn't save you after all._


	9. Peace and Politics

_**A/N: Hello everyone, sorry it took so long for me to post. It's been a long two (three?) weeks. I just traveled from Florida to New York for college and moved into my dorm and toured the campus and all that jazz. Classes start Monday so I don't know how often I'll be able to update but I will do my best. I hope this chapter can make up for my absence. Much love!**_

* * *

9\. Peace and Politics

Three days came and went since the death of Jibun, three nights in which I did not sleep, seventy-two hours in which I'd stayed home from work. I found myself back on the couch, not wanting to disturb the Kazekage while he tried to rest. I couldn't rid myself of the sight of Jibun as he lay on the floor, dying. I saw his face every time I closed my eyes, heard his scream ring out through the silence. I'd had a plan; I was supposed to find the cure, he was supposed to get better, they were supposed to release him from custody so he could find his way back home. A plan, and yet none of it had happened. It had all gone so wrong so quickly and now two men were dead, and I was to blame.

I drew the covers tighter around myself as I curled into the cushions of the couch. I knew Gaara had come into the room and I didn't really want to look at him.

"We have an appointment with Dr. Hirashi this evening." he said.

"I forgot, I'm sorry." I let out a long exhale. "I'm not going to go."

I heard him as he moved towards me and set something down on the end table, most likely another plate of food. The first plate was there too, and the second, both untouched. "You haven't eaten."

"I'm not hungry."

"It's in your best interest to eat something."

"I don't feel like eating anything." I honestly didn't despite having only nibbled on a rice ball late the previous night. He was silent for a moment before sitting down on the couch besides me.

"Koshinja I have been a shinobi for a long time. Death is a constant part of this existence no matter how we may try to avoid it. I cannot claim to understand what it is you are feeling, however I would like for you to know that I am willing to help you in any way I can, if that is what you want."

I could feel his weight lifting off of the seat as he rose before leaving the room. Within the next few moments I heard the front door open and close. There was a pain in my throat, one I'd become accustomed to in the past few days. I was no stranger to death, not after my time as a ninja, not after losing my parents, not after having worked at the hospital for as long as I have. But there was a key difference between the two of us: he, as a ninja, was trained to accept death while I, as a doctor, was trained to fight it to the bitter end. Every day patients are brought into the hospital with cases ranging from harmless to deadly. I make it a point to keep the people under my care alive, doesn't all medical personnel? How else were we supposed to function as physicians?

I wiped at my face, pushing the tears aside as I tried to stop my lip from trembling. Rarely have I allowed someone who I was caring for die, as a doctor I seldom lost a patient. To be honest, it'd only happened once before, with a woman who'd come to us with a disease we simply didn't have a cure for. We'd treated her symptoms, and done our absolute best to make her comfortable once she'd accepted death. I remember looking at her, wondering how she could be so calm, so submissive, so at peace with dying while I looked on, distraught that there was nothing I could do. Though I felt helpless I didn't feel like a failure, not like I did now. That time had been different, there was nothing I could do because we just weren't medically advanced enough. With Jibun I'd had a cure, I'd found a solution to the problem, only too late. If I had just been able to see the mark when that first person did and started looking for information on his condition, maybe I could have gotten to him in time before the jutsu had taken over. But because of my slow actions not only did Jibun suffer, but Ninanto lost his life as well. How could they ever forgive me? I'd given him hope, made him a promise I couldn't keep which almost immediately falsified that hope. I put people like the Kazekage and Kankuro in danger, even involved Ichina in business that could have gotten her fired or worse. How could I ever forgive myself?

I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted and yet I wasn't able to sleep for longer than an hour or so sporadically throughout the day and night. Although these sessions were nothing short of naps, Jibun had found his way into my dreams, corroding and poisoning them until they were ripped apart and fell away into nightmares. I awoke slowly, trying to drag myself free of the shallow darkness trapped inside my mind. I turned over and saw the Kazekage sitting in the other chair across from me. Our eyes locked for a moment and I saw that he was thinking very hard about something. I forced myself to sit up.

"Dr. Hirashi sends her best." he said.

I nodded, not really sure what to say. I wrapped the cover around myself and looked down at the floor, wondering why he wouldn't just leave, or say something, anything besides just sitting there and staring at me.

"How did you know he was dying?"

My head snapped up. "What?"

"When I tried to stop you from nearing that man, you said he was dying. How did you know?" Gaara's arms were crossed and his gaze was piercing.

I waited a moment before sighing. "It was his tone when he called out to me." I closed my eyes, put my hands in my lap, and leaned my head into the chair. "He spoke the way someone does when they know they're reaching their end and they've accepted it."

"Then you've heard such a tone before?" he asked.

"More times than I'd care to admit."

I didn't really want to talk about it so I tried to wait him out, staying silent until I heard him move from the couch. I opened my eyes to find that instead of leaving, he'd come over to me. He was kneeling on the ground directly in front of me, resting his arm on one knee and reaching for my hand. He held it there, awkwardly staring at me. His intensity was making me uncomfortable.

"Um, Gaara, what are you doing?"

"As that man died, you held his hand like this. I thought perhaps it had been for comfort and that by copying your actions I might comfort you as well." Tears welled in my eyes before spilling onto my face. I was touched.

He seemed alarmed. "Have I upset you?"

"No, no, you're fine. It's just," My voice was cracking as I spoke and I could feel myself trembling as I tried to regain my composure. "I don't know why but I can't seem to get my shit together. I want to get over this; I want to stop crying, I want to stop feeling so awful, I just want to forget."

I had been covering my face with my other hand. I felt it being moved aside as Gaara stood up, pulling me with him. He held both my hands in his as he frowned at me. "I've yet to adapt to… personal situations such as these and I apologize for my inexperience. It does not sit well with me, your feeling this way, however I do not know what I can do to alleviate your pain. Dr. Hirashi said that as you husband I must support you but I know not how to do this. I do not know how to comfort you." His eyes were feverishly searching mine, perhaps for an answer. "Koshinja please tell me what to do."

He looked so bothered, maybe even upset. I had never seen him this emotional before, never seen him this confused, especially at my expense. My lips quivered as I leaned up and kissed him, something quick and strained. Looking down at our hands, I guided his to my waist. "Put your arms around me tightly like something terrible will happen if you let me go." I hugged him, hoping he'd copy my actions as I buried my face in his shoulder. "Please, just hold me."

It took a moment before he complied and wrapped his arms completely around me, setting his head atop mine. He smelled like ink and wood and rice and solace, and I couldn't do anything but breathe him in as he held me.

"Koshinja," He paused, most likely thinking of what to say. "I'm sorry."

I swallowed. "What are you apologizing for, that entire fiasco was my fault."

"You're incorrect." He moved back slightly, still with his arms around me but enough so that he could look me fully in the face. "My apology was for allowing you to be near him in the first place. As my wife you are automatically in more danger than anyone in the village, including myself. People may try to use you to get to me, even hurt you to draw me out and I was careless." He moved a strand of hair behind my ear before continuing. "I want to make a vow to you to be more cautious with your life and to protect you."

I reached up and cupped his cheek with my hand. "And I'll promise you the same in return. I owe you."

His fingers brushed over mine as he grabbed my hand and leaned a gentle kiss into it. "Are you feeling better?"

My face heated up as I wiped away the water from my eyes. "I don't think I'll ever accept that the things that've happened weren't because of me but, I'll be alright. That hug helped a lot, thank you." I smiled.

Gaara nodded and moved away from me towards the chair, grabbing the blanket. "Are you tired?"

"Are you?" He didn't respond, which I took as a 'yes'. "Please don't stay up because of me. I'll probably just head in to work late tomorrow. Plus, you need your rest more than I do so I'll sleep out here again tonight." I was headed for the couch when abruptly I felt myself being lifted off of the ground. I looked up and discovered that Gaara had picked me up and was carrying me through the hallway towards our bedroom. I raised my eyebrow at him as he continued to look forward.

"I'd like for you to stay with me tonight. I've discovered that I sleep easier when you're beside me."

Then we were in our room and he was softly laying me on the bed. I watched him as he walked to his side of the bed and got in. We were laying on our sides, facing each other for perhaps the first time ever. In the darkness I couldn't see much of his face except for the triangle of skin where his kanji was, illuminated by the moonlight filtering evenly through the window. I scooted closer and reached out my hand to brush his hair aside. Loving someone was totally different than liking someone and even though I was exhausted, it seemed like the perfect time to bring it up.

"Gaara, when you said you liked me, what did you mean?"

"It was the only word I thought appropriate to describe how I felt towards you. I'm not sure if it was the correct use, I went to Temari for assistance in choosing the proper word to relay how it is I feel about you. She told me my feelings were much like hers towards Shikamaru and suggested the word 'like'." I didn't know who that was but listened intently. "When I said I wanted for us to become friends, I spoke the truth. But if there's something beyond friendship that we may obtain, I would like to aim for that as well."

I couldn't speak for a moment, wrapped up in what he said. So I thanked him and closed my eyes. It was more clarification than before and yet still incredibly vague. I wasn't familiar with any Shikamaru, I'd never met or even heard of such a person in our village before. But it was late so along with the lingering thoughts of Jibun, I tried to cast everything from my mind. It was difficult and I struggled to find a peaceful thought to rest on as I turned on my side, away from the Kazekage. I don't know if he knew I was having trouble sleeping, or if he was simply acting, all I knew was that in the next moments I felt myself being pulled into Gaara's chest as he draped an arm over me.

"I'm not entirely sure how to hold you while laying down, but it appeared as though you needed comfort. Is this okay?"

I couldn't fight back my smile as I interlocked our fingers, snuggling into him. "It's perfect."

…

I awoke the next morning to an empty bed and a slight headache. Yawning, I got up and headed to the kitchen where a plate of food and a note awaited me. I munched on my breakfast as I read the note. _'I'm afraid I'll be returning later than usual. If you feel like eating, there's more food in the refrigerator.'_ I was touched by how much care he was taking of me and peered into the fridge to behold two other meals. They looked good too, he must have gotten up a little earlier to make them. It made me miss him admittedly- I wanted to share the food with him. Whatever he had to do must've been important so I folded the note and put it in my pocket, shrugging. He was the Kazekage after all, I guess it couldn't be helped.

When I returned to work Ichina was furious with me, mostly for not keeping in touch with her for the last few days. She informed me within a string of cusses that she was about to break down my front door had another silent day had gone by. I apologized to her and promised to make up for it, which usually entailed ice cream. So after work we headed to a dessert shop and sat down to eat and talk.

"So," Ichina started as she looked at a menu. "How're you holding up?"

I sighed. "Well I'm definitely better than I was yesterday. I'm just not able to get over death like I was when I was a genin."

She nodded. "I think people like us aren't meant for shinobi life; it's very fast-paced and there's little time for recovery." I nodded as we ordered our food and returned the menu. Ichina turned to me, raising her eyebrows. "Speaking of shinobi, did you ever figure out if you had a crush on the Kazekage or not?"

I blushed, thinking back to the previous night and the embrace we shared. "Well, I, um- yeah. Yeah, I like him."

She laughed, patting me on the shoulder. "Aw man this is great. You haven't liked anybody since that jar-head Tauro."

She was talking about my most recent ex. We'd dated about two years ago, a relationship that had gotten pretty long-winded for no reason. Honestly I don't know why we were together for so long, nearly a year and a half. The sex had been alright, but after the first few months the chemistry got bad, conversation got bad, communication got bad- almost everything about that relationship had been bad, especially him. Tauro had a nasty habit of flirting with anything that had pretty legs and flashed him a smile which lead to him cheating on me. Yeah, didn't need a repeat of that.

"Ugggh, I do not miss him." I said. "But Gaara is different. I mean, he's more of the strong, silent type, you know? He's not much for conversation but the silences are usually comfortable. I can't say much for chemistry, I mean, except in the bedroom of course where he's not selfish at all. He's respectful and considerate, he's been making me breakfasts. He's patient, he's kind, he's wise- he's definitely a great leader. I mean it's pretty early on but I think he'll be a great husband too."

"Wow. Well, what about him, does he like you back?" she questioned excitedly.

"I don't know." I frowned. "I mean I asked him but his answer wasn't really clear. All he said was that his feelings for me were like his sister's feelings for someone else."

Ichina crossed her arms. "Then maybe you should just ask her then."

Immediately I shook my head. "I don't know how to put this lightly. Temari is, well, she's scary as hell. I'd be dead right now if she found out that we'd fought and I'd started us in therapy. Nah, she's out of the question. But maybe I could ask Kankuro, he might know. But I don't know if he'll be talking to me right know, I did use him and knock him out with sleeping gas after all." I still felt bad about it, I'd have to apologize sooner or later for that one.

The food arrived shortly after and Ichina and I ate slowly, laughing about the way my life had changed. I mean, it definitely wasn't easy but it could have been worse. She helped me realize how funny most of the situations I found myself in actually were. She really lifted my spirits, reminding me of just how much I loved her. So I offered to pay to tab to atone for having kept her out of the loop for so long. We were just finishing up our food when a man approached us.

"Ma'am." he said bowing. I blinked a few time before I realized he was talking to me. "The Kazekage has summoned you, please come with me."

I nodded before leaving Ichina the money and biding her goodbye. It didn't take us long to get to the Kazekage's office and the man bowed to me as we neared his door before disappearing. It was late afternoon, about the time Gaara and I would be having dinner. I wondered what he needed me for as I slid the door open and went in.

He was sitting in the same manner in which I always found him, elbows on the desk, hands folding and looking pensive. His eyes met mine as I ventured further in the room.

"How are you feeling today?"

I looked away, still a little embarrassed by how I'd been acting in the past few days. "I'm doing okay."

He nodded. "I'm pleased to hear it." Then he stood, walking to the other side of his desk to grab a piece of paper and bring it over to me. "I met with the council earlier. If the man who died was indeed a ninja from the Village Hidden in the Clouds, then we have to take the appropriate steps to validate the bonds between our two lands. Before we can do that though, I must take precautionary measures and visit the Land of Fire in order to first ensure our connection with the Leaf Village still holds strong." He handed me the paper. It was a list of items. "These are the things the elders suggest that as my wife you should pack for the journey."

"I'm going with you?" I questioned, looking the list over.

He nodded. "Peace and politics are both very delicate things. If an altercation were to break out between the Sand and the Cloud, we need to know that the Leaf, as one of our primary allies, will support us if need be. As for you and I, our union indirectly symbolizes the state of the village's relations. As a leader, my relationship with you will be scrutinized. We must appear united as a force and extend this appearance to that of the village."

I sighed. "This all seems so complicated, but I trust you. So, how long will we be gone?"

"Most likely a week, the journey to Konoha being the worst of it, of course. I know it is fairly abrupt but we'll have to leave within the next hour or so. But do not fret Koshinja, you will not be directly involved with any meetings or things of that nature. Besides," He'd returned to his desk and sat down, smiling as he did so. "There's someone there that I'd like you to meet."

Obviously I didn't know who he was talking about but I nodded and left his office, heading home to make some dinner and to pack. I couldn't deny that I was a little nervous, I'd never been outside of the village, much less the Land of Wind. As I packed I tried to steady my whirring mind, taking a breath and relaxing. For all of my worries I realized that what I'd said in Gaara's office was completely true, I trusted him, in all matters. I knew he wouldn't lead me astray and with the comfort that the thought had brought me, I finished preparing for our trip to the Village Hidden in the Leaves.


	10. Konoha Day 1 The Hokage and the Kazekage

10\. Konoha Day 1: The Hokage and the Kazekage

We were at the village gates, waiting as Gaara gave instructions to the guards and wished them well. It was a two-day journey to Konoha and aside from myself and the Kazekage, Temari and Kankuro were going to make the trip as well. As skilled shinobi as well as his siblings, the two were the Kazekage's personal body guards and although the prospect of being in close proximity with Temari for such a long period of time made me uncomfortable, I felt safe.

The path to the Leaf Village from Suna wasn't what I'd call peril-less but it wasn't exactly easy. There was the threat of shredding sandstorms, life-threatening terrain, and malicious monsters. And through all of that there still existed the ever-persistent possibility of enemy forces just lurking beyond our sensory threshold. Most of the trip was silent with the exception of the occasional bellyaching from Kankuro about why we had to walk so much and why it was so hot. He didn't get very far though, silenced continually by Temari and a blast of wind from her ninja fan which kept me firmly and quietly in my place which was near to Gaara. He didn't seemed bothered at all by the trek, occasionally allowing small smiles to grace his soft lips. I wondered why it was he seemed so cheery— well, cheery for him that is. I'd been with the man for nearly four months and had never seen him smile so much in such a short period of time. It made me suspicious, but excited.

For most of the walk I was bored, amusing myself by watching the clouds as they danced above us, twirling and swirling into forms unknown. In the night it grew colder and I found myself walking admittedly close to the Kazekage, for warmth, of course. When we stopped to rest or sleep, which was a few times a day, the three ninja took turn keeping watch as the other two slept, ate, or had to relieve themselves. When the forest of the Land of Fire finally came into view, I was thankful. The heat subsided in the newfound shade as we moved through the trees. I wasn't very fast, but I kept up, just glad to be near the village.

The Kazekage explained that when we arrived at Konoha he'd have to immediately attend a meeting which meant Temari and Kankuro would have to accompany him. I would be receiving an escort, someone chosen by the Hokage, who would stay with me as I took the stuff we'd brought with us to an inn. If I wanted to do anything- sightsee, shop, etc.- I was allowed to but only in the company of my escort. They were to be with me at all times.

When finally we made it to the village gates, I was ready to pass out. But the thrill of being in a new, foreign place shot my body with pent-up energy. We were greeted by guards and allowed to enter. The other three told me goodbye, as I was to wait with the guards for my escort. Within the next five minutes a young woman had arrived and approached me, extending her hand.

"You must be Lady Koshinja." She smiled as she shook my hand. "Hello and welcome to Konoha. My name is Sakura Haruno and I'll be your escort for the next couple of days." Lady? I'd not yet been referred to in such a manner, it shocked me.

I returned her smile. "Hello, it's nice to meet you."

"Why don't I take you to where you'll be staying so you can set your things down?" She held out her hands, gesturing for me to give her the bags. I didn't want to be rude but I was concerned it would be too much for her to carry by herself. But she insisted, smiling kindly, emerald eyes shining. So I complied, watching in amazement as she stacked everything and seamlessly carried it with one hand as we walked. I figured she was probably a shinobi.

We'd made our way through the village streets, me trying to suppress how impressed as was as we went. It was much bigger than Suna, with many street vendors and people all around. Even the inn was larger than I'd expected, complete with its own bathhouse. We went upstairs after getting checked in.

"Um Sakura, do you know how many rooms we have?" I asked as I set some things into a corner.

She thought for a moment, moving her pink hair aside. "Two, I believe that's what the women said when I checked you in."

I nodded, wondering how we'd split ourselves up, either by sex or relation most likely and I was sincerely hoping it was the latter, not wanting to be stuck in a room for three nights with Temari.

"So Ms. Koshinja, what would you like to do?"

I blinked. "Well, I'm not so sure. How long will they be meeting for?"

"Probably a few hours, which is plenty of time to do whatever you want. And mind you, money is no object as per the Kazekage." She winked at me then and I had to think. I had some money on me, I wasn't going to allow him to pay for everything. Tourist attractions tended to be expensive and since I was in a place I'd never been, I was tempted to do anything and see everything. But I had to plan and not be so impulsive so as to not break our bank.

"If it isn't too much trouble, I'd like to see some of the village's historical sites."

Sakura seemed surprised but to also appreciate my decision as she opened the room door, saying it wouldn't be a problem at all.

In the few hours in which I'd spent touring Konoha with Sakura I'd learned a lot about the village and all of its history, ninja-related or otherwise. She took me to see a wondrous site- all of the Hokage's faces carved into a mountainside- and explained to be a little about all of them. She took me to memorials, monuments, and even an academy where I greeted young children as the instructor used our visit to teach a quick lesson on inter-village relations. In the short amount of time I'd been with her, I decided I liked Sakura. She was a jonin and a medical ninja, something I could relate to. She was intelligent and pleasant to be around, well except for that one time we were passing a hot springs and she caught a teenage boy with a long scarf peeping. Then she got really scary, really fast. But now she was calm, smiling and laughing with me as we walked down a crowded street towards one of her favorite restaurants for lunch. She was telling me a story about a medical emergency one of her missions when I remembered something.

"Sakura, do you know anyone called 'Shikamaru'?"

She looked at me sideways, raising her eyebrow. "Yeah, I do actually. We've been friends for a long time- went to the academy together when we were training to be genin. He's really smart; he'll be the Hokage's advisor soon. Why?"

I pursed my lips. "The Kazekage mentioned his name to me. Does he know Temari by any chance?"

She put her hands on her hips. "They're dating, so, yeah."

"Dating?"

"Yeah, they've been going out for a little while now. Ino tells me it's getting pretty serious."

"Does she like him then? Like, _like_ -like?" I'd turned to her quickly, invading her personal space unintentionally but too eager to know to care.

She put up her hands, signaling me to ease back. "Well I would hope so, they've been around each other since he was thirteen and have been dating for about a year now."

I felt the blush rise to my cheeks as I realized what that meant. I smiled to myself, feeling butterflies bump against the inside of my stomach. He likes me, huh? He probably didn't have the words to speak his feelings and that was why he went to his sister for help. Sakura seemed confused as she looked at me, head tilted a little to the side. I had to admit, the news excited me. But then again, who wouldn't be excited once they found out that feelings were mutual between themselves and someone special. I was turning to explain some thing or another to Sakura when a masked man appeared, leaning and whispering in her ear. She nodded and turned back to me, smiling.

"Looks like the 'Kages want to see us."

…

Sakura and I entered what I assumed to be the Hokage's office after a short walk upstairs. I looked around, expecting to see Gaara but instead finding him nowhere, my eyes settling on a lone yellow-haired man in 'Kage robes. I quickly bowed to the Hokage as a Sakura shut the door behind us.

"Where's the Kazekage?" she asked, walking further into the room.

"Huh?" he paused. "Oh Gaara, he said he had to go take care of something but he should be back soon." He seemed to notice me then. He covered his mouth as I straightening from my bow, whispering loudly to Sakura. "Hey, who's she?"

Sakura seemed peeved. "He didn't tell you? Or did you just forget? This is Koshinja, the Kazekage's wife."

I waved a little. "Hello Hokage-sama, it's nice to meet you."

He stood there blinking as if he were dazed. "Gaara got married?!" he exclaimed as he rushed over to me, getting a little close. He appeared to be examining me, eyes searching my face and my hair, looking me up and down- I felt like a dog on display. "Well you seem real."

"Naruto you idiot!" Sakura landed a punch before I could even respond. I wasn't sure at what I should've been more surprised; the fact that she'd actually hit the Hokage or that he'd let her. "You're making her uncomfortable!"

To be absolutely honest, Sakura was causing me more discomfort than was the Hokage. I raised my hands in protest, trying to calm the situation. "No, no, there's no problem, he was fine."

The Hokage recovered from Sakura's blow and stood, whining a bit. "Sakura, you can't beat me up in front of an esteemed guest, it makes me look bad."

"Naruto I've been hitting that big head of yours before your 'Kage hat was even made for it." She crossed her arms. "I'm going to wait out in the hallway for Koshinja, give a shout if you need anything." she declared. I nodded to her as she left the room. Although rowdy, I got the feeling the two had known each other for a long time. I laughed to myself.

"Anyways, sorry Miss, I just didn't expect a guy like Gaara to get married." He smiled as he said them but his words left me feeling a little strange. A guy like Gaara, what did that mean? I decided to ask.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean."

He grin got bigger. "Don't worry, he's a great guy and all but his social skills were a little wanting last time I checked."

Well that was a little true. His lack of speaking had a tendency to bring about awkward silences. Then I thought of something. "How long have you guys known each other?"

He put his hands behind his head. "Almost ten years now, we were barely teenagers when we met. It was during the chunin exams of that year." He walked over to the window, nostalgia setting into his form. "Seems like just yesterday." Then he frowned. "But Gaara was… different back then."

"Indeed I was." The Hokage and I turned around as the Kazekage entered the room. "I owe Naruto a great deal. He's one of my closest friends, that's why I wanted you to meet him."

I hadn't realized this was who he'd been talking about but it was clear by the gleam in his eye that the man standing before us, blushing slightly with a goofy grin, had changed his life. "Don't worry about it Gaara, that was a long time ago."

"No matter the time that passes, I will forever be in your debt. To this effect I truly hope that there will continue to be peace and cooperation between our two lands, even beyond our rules as 'Kage."

The Hokage nodded, reaching out to take Gaara's hand and shake it. "You know it."

I watched the two of them smiling, not really understand what type of bond it was that they had, or how it had formed, only knowing the familiar expression of admiration that had consumed Gaara's face, knowing that I gazed at him with that same look. I wondered if the Hokage saw it, just like I wondered if he saw mine.

We left the Hokage's office shortly after. Gaara told Sakura since I was with him, there was no need to worry and sent her off. Apparently he knew where he was going as we walked through the village together as evening settled across the land. I knew Kankuro and Temari had to be close by but I didn't bother myself with trying to find them. I looked up at Gaara, watching the shadows dance across his calm, pleased face. He seemed so peaceful here, so at ease. I had to think it was because of the Hokage, although I wasn't sure how. I wanted to ask but I wasn't sure if I should. I just, wasn't sure.

As we walked I noticed a sign for a unisex bathhouse and got an idea. "Gaara, do you want to go to the hot springs with me?" I asked.

He looked down at me, a little suspicious, but nodded. "If you wish."

It didn't take long to find the place and after putting our clothes neatly away and grabbing some towels, we descended into the water. I sighed, feeling relief from the long journey as the heat was soaked into my bones. It felt so nice. There wasn't anyone around besides myself and Gaara and I was pleased at the turnout. I looked up at the darkening sky, watching the last rays of red and orange fade away.

"Gaara, if you don't mind my asking, how are you and the Hokage so close?" I said.

He looked sideways at me, probably deciding whether or not he wanted to share. He closed his eyes before speaking. "I told you once before that my childhood was my one regret. The reason for this is before my birth the village elders and my father decided to seal the one-tailed Shukaku within me. At the time the village was lacking in military strength and I was to deliver them from such weakness and serve as their ultimate weapon. I was born prematurely and my mother did not survive childbirth- the sand spirit began to take its toll. Growing up I was shunned, treated as if I were the monster trapped inside of me. The adults hated me and their children feared me. Even my father tried to kill me on numerous occasions. I was ostracized as such is the fate of a jinchūriki. The only person I had to turn to in those dark times was my uncle Yashamaru."

I listened, horrified at his tale. I didn't grow up within the Sand Village, my home was beyond its walls. I trained at the academy but had to commute there daily. My family couldn't afford to move until the time I'd made genin so while others might have known about the version of himself of which he spoke, we had never met. My anger boiled over as I neared him. "But how could they do that to you? It wasn't your decision, you didn't choose that! How could a father do such a thing to his child and then punish him for his own actions?"

His eyes searched mine as he frowned. "People often fear what they do not understand; it's in our nature. But my uncle was different and he tried to teach me empathy, to teach me understanding. Even Kankuro and Temari were weary of me then so he was all I had. One day my father offered my assassination to him as an assignment, and he accepted it. When the sole person that had ever dared to stand beside me turned against me, I decided solitude was the only option. I adopted a mindset in which only my own existence mattered and it caused me to kill without mercy to validate that existence." He paused, looking at me questioningly.

I'd been shaking without realizing it, trembling with anger and sadness. I didn't understand how anyone could turn a child into a monster and then hate the child for it. But Gaara misinterpreted my reaction, turning his head to the side slightly, avoiding my eyes. "I understand if you are afraid, I do not blame you."

"You idiot." His attention snapped back to me. I felt the tears pricking in the corner of my eyes. "I'm not afraid of you, I'm mad as hell. You shouldn't have had to endure all of that abuse, you shouldn't have been all alone. I knew Kankuro growing up and he never once told me about you when we were kids, only mentioned you once when he left my squad. I could have done something for you early on, could've helped you feel not so alone. They ruined you and blamed you for it."

Gaara just looked at me for a moment and a shadow of guilt passed over his face, moving like glue into his features for such a short moment that I was surprised I'd caught it. Then he turned his attention to the sky. He inhaled deeply before speaking. "We cannot expect fairness in this life, only hope for love along with people who will become precious to us and the will to protect those people. Naruto Uzumaki taught me about real strength, he rescued me from the darkness I'd enveloped around myself since childhood." He turned to me again, smiling softly, and immediately my anger dissipated. The look he gave me was pacifying. "I hold no anger nor ill-will towards the people who once hated me. I want to serve and protect them at any cost." His eyes gleamed in a way that made my chest burn.

I nodded to show that I understood and sat back down into the water. But still, the thought of such a young child having to endure so much hate sat like rocks in the pit of my stomach. Looking up at his calm face I thought about careless people and ignorance, the corruption they undoubtedly brought. I bit my bottom lip, trying to stop myself from speaking my thoughts, I knew he would only brush them aside. Instead I chose to rest my head on his shoulder, pulling my knees us to my chest. I didn't know if he was still hurting but there was something so abundantly clear to me that I felt the need to remind him that I was there for him.

"Did you need to be comforted?" he asked.

"No. But I thought you did." At his puzzled expression I explained. "I'm not a fool Gaara, I saw the way you looked when you spoke. You still blame yourself for the way you used to be, you're still guilty. I know you're sincere in your desire to protect people but you're also atoning, aren't you?"

Subconsciously I'd reached behind my neck and touched my tattoo. The guilty look returned as he averted his eyes. "I must take responsibility for what I have done."

I closed my eyes, sighing and leaning further into him. I didn't respond and as the moon rose above our heads, we settled into a warm silence. I resolved myself to the notion that we probably wouldn't speak for the remainder of the night when he rest his head on mine. And as we sat together I realized that sometimes words weren't always essential for communication.


	11. Konoha Day 2 Temari's Smile

11\. Konoha Day 2: Temari's Smile

When I awoke I wasn't really surprised to find the Kazekage gone. The previous night I'd gone to lay down, exhausted as he remained awake, writing a report of some sort at the small desk the inn had provided. I'd fallen asleep before him and he was up before me, just like at home. Although used to waking up without him, I was shocked to see Sakura standing in the corner of my room, playing with a small wooden game. I was still a little groggy but as I yawned and stretched I felt completely rejuvenated. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes before addressing her.

"Good morning Sakura. Do you know where the Kazekage has gone?" I asked as I stood from the bed and moved over to the dresser I had happily filled with the contents of my bags the previous night upon being told Gaara, not Temari, would be sharing a room with me.

"I don't know where he's gone, but he asked me to take care of you. Oh and said he'd be back this evening." Sakura explained before propelling herself from the wall and setting the little game aside. "So, what do you want to do today?"

I paused, shrugging as I tried to piece together an outfit. "I'm not really sure. Is there anything you have to do? I feel like I'm impeding your work so I don't mind running errands."

She waved her hands dismissively at me. "Being your escort is actually a mission I was assigned to so, no worries."

"Okay, well then…" I grabbed my clothes and headed for the small bathroom, thinking hard. I thought back to the previous night when Gaara and I had been in the hot spring, I thought back to his story, to his words. I clutched the clothes closer to me, imagining a young Gaara, all alone and in pain. I swallowed. "Actually do you have a souvenir or gift shop that I could go to?"

"Sure, we can go as soon as you're ready and you eat something." Sakura said as I went into the bathroom.

It didn't take me long to get ready. We ate breakfast, which was delicious, at the inn before heading out into Konoha. As we walked Sakura greeted a lot of people, giving me the impression that she was well-liked within the village. When we got to the shop, she waited outside as I went to look at the wears. There were many knick-knacks, from small figures to dolls to grass whistles and all types of food. I didn't see anything that I thought Gaara would like but a pearl necklace caught my eye that I thought Ichina might enjoy. It was a stylish piece of jewelry with a slender gold chain and three milky pearls, a large one in the center with two small ones on either side of it. The main one was cracked, missing a sliver of the gem which someone had mended with a perfectly cut diamond, filling the space as well as adding a bit more bling to the piece. I was convinced Ichina would love it so I bought it, thanking the shop owner before placing the necklace safely in the pocket of my shirt.

As we left the shop, Sakura turned to me. "Miss Koshinja, would you mind if we made a quick stop somewhere? It'll only take a moment."

"Sure."

I followed her to a small flower shop. It was welcoming, quaint, and most likely family-owned considering the name. Behind the counter was a girl around Sakura's age with long blonde hair in a high ponytail, part of it completely covering her right eye. She greeted us as we came in and I had to stop myself from glaring at her, she looked so much like Murakami it was frightening.

"Hey Sakura, what's up? Did you come here to talk about the party?" she asked smiling.

Sakura's eyes widened a fraction as she smiled. If I didn't know any better I would have said she looked irritated. "Ino, this is Koshinja, the Kazekage's wife."

I bowed a little. "Nice to meet you."

She smiled a hurried, flustered smile. "It's an honor Miss Koshinja. Please, enjoy the shop."

I got the feeling they needed to discuss something so I left them alone, perusing the shelves of flowers in the shop, taking in the sweet scents of nature's accessories. As I walked, I came across a section labeled 'Exotic' and decided to take a look. There were Venus flytraps as well as pots that seemed to be full of nothing but roots. My eyes took in the unknown and the strange until they befell the most adorable thing to ever have been crammed into a pot.

I reached for the tiny cactus, struck by its brilliance. It was so small, dark green with red flowers growing at its base. I held it like you would a treasure, trying to admire it in its entirety, so amazed and yet so terrified that the slightest bit of roughness would cause it to crumble away. Holding the small plant I instinctively knew it was perfect- just the gift the Kazekage would really enjoy.

I returned to the counter, ready to pay. Ino looked at the little plant and pointed. "Is that for the Kazekage?"

I nodded. "How did you know?"

She smirked. "Cacti symbolize protection and chastity, two character traits that Gaara seems to exhibit."

I blushed a little, thinking inadvertently back to all of our times together, and questioning if 'chaste' was such an accurate description. But then I thought about his personality, the little things I'd caught him doing like daydreaming or humming quietly to himself when he thought I was asleep. I thought about all the food he'd made for me and all the care he'd taken of me while I was mourning Jibun's death. I thought about his quiet nature and his kindness and reconsidered. Maybe Ino was right.

"It's wonderful, I'd like to buy it." I said, reaching for the money. But she stopped me.

"I'm willing to give it to you free of charge, on one condition." Ino grabbed the little plant and held it captive. "You and the Kazekage have to come to a party that I'm throwing at one of the halls tonight."

I blinked for a moment, was she serious? "Yeah okay, I don't think we'll be busy or anything. Sure."

"Alright!" she exclaimed, earning a sigh from Sakura who apologized for her friend's behavior.

I didn't mind, I was getting the little cactus for free after all. And besides, I hadn't been to a party in such a long time I nearly forgot the definition of the word. Plus, it was a good chance to meet new people. So as Sakura and I left the shop, I bid Ino goodbye, holding the cactus, which she'd wrapped up so nicely for me, protectively against my chest.

"Sakura?" I asked as we made our way back onto the main road. "Are you going to the party too?"

She nodded. "Yeah. There'll be music and food of course but don't worry, it shouldn't be anything too big; just a few friends, maybe a few parents too."

"Okay, sounds like fun." I sure hoped Gaara would think so too.

…

According to Ino the party was semi-casual so I'd decided to keep my hair out. Originally I'd been worried about what I was going to wear but then I remembered the list the elders had written for me which, coincidentally, had guided me to pack a single dress which I was glad for. It was a simple, red dress with black trim and a little bit of lace around the sleeves. It fell softly to the middle of my calves and a half-sweater accompanied it as an accessory. I paired it with black flats and a silver necklace. I hope I looked okay.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Gaara on the bed, staring at his 'event' outfit. It was a pair of dark brown pants with a long-sleeved, collared, red shirt complete with a few buttons adorning his right shoulder. I'd packed it for him, thinking that it would not only be appropriate if something were to come up but also that we'd match. He held it in his hands tightly, not blinking, and I realized that perhaps he was nervous.

I walked over to him and put my hands over his, causing him to drop the clothes into his lap. I kissed his hands before saying, "It's just a party, it'll be fine."

He averted his eyes. "I'm not well adjusted to social events."

I tried the wife way. "It's easy; you say hi to people, maybe dance a little, steal all the food, and then go home." He didn't seemed convinced so I tried the Koshinja way. "Look, you'll look hot, it's good press, and I'll be there," I gave his hands a little squeeze. "So you don't have to worry okay? Just followed my lead and you'll be fine. Now go get dressed, we don't want to be late."

He nodded slowly before rising and heading to the bathroom. A few minutes later he emerged, fully dressed, looking extremely uncomfortable. I laughed a little to myself, he was so adorable. I think he heard my chuckle though because as he made eye contact with me he immediately closed the door, shutting me out. I sighed, getting up from the bed and going over to the door. He'd left it unlocked so I went in and caught him just before the shirt went over his head.

"Koshinja, I do not wish to attend this function." he declared as he began to fold his shirt which I yanked from him.

"Don't be ridiculous, we have to go." I gestured for him to lower his head and when he reluctantly did so, I slid the shirt back over his head.

"Why?"

I was fixing his hair when I thought of the answer. "Hold on." I went to my bag in the closet and retrieved the small cactus. Gaara was looking at me suspiciously as I neared him. Then his eyes caught sight of the plant and they widened. I smiled.

"I got it a few hours ago because it reminded me of you. Ino charged me the price of our company at her party for it. I was going to wait until we got home but seeing as—"

I was cut off by his mouth as he pushed it softly against mine, his hand gently holding the side of my face. When he pulled away he was smiling, pulling the cactus from my hands, just gleeful. I was taken aback.

"Thank you Koshinja, it's perfect."

"You're welcome." I blinked a few times before understanding what was happening. "Wait, you like it?"

He was being so careful with the plant, staring at it like one might gaze upon their child as he gingerly set it upon the desk. "I raise cacti. It's a… hobby of mine."

"I'd had no clue. Well I'm glad you like it." As he offered me his hand I thanked god that I'd bought it. The little plant seemed to put him in quite a favorable mood. Maybe the night would hold some fun after all.

When we arrived at the hall, there were more people than Ino's description led me to believe there'd be. Only a few familiar faces stood out against a backdrop of strangers, faces which included Ino, Sakura, and the Hokage. I noticed Kankuro lurking over by the punch bowl but Temari was nowhere to be found. I shrugged, thinking that maybe she'd decided to sit this one out. Like the youngest of her brothers she didn't seem like much of the partying type.

I saw Ino wave to me and pulled Gaara along, moving through the crowd. "I'm so glad you could make it!" she exclaimed.

"Me too. I just hope we're not overdressed." Admittedly I was a little self-conscious. Everyone else seemed more casual than semi-, there were t-shirts and shorts everywhere. Some of the higher ranking ninjas who'd attended were dressed in their uniform.

"What? No you're fine, you look great!"

"Thanks." I was still looking around. "Did you decorate all of this yourself?"

She blushed. "Yeah pretty much."

"Well," That was surprising. The hall was clad in a theme of green, silver, and black. The tables scattered about the room were relatively small but elegantly furnished with plates adorned with black patterns and folded napkins. The majority of the light was emitting from circular silver lanterns hung by strings from the ceiling. For a casual party it was very impressive. "You did a wonderful job. Did you pay for everything yourself?"

As our small talk continued, I noticed Gaara fidgeting besides me. Well, fidgeting for him of course. He was standing as he usually did, tall with his arms crossed but his lips were pursed and his eyes were darting about the room. As I observed him, the muscles in his jaw tightened and released continuously. I sighed inwardly, deciding it was best to give him an out.

"Gaara, why don't you go grab a drink for you and I?" I suggested.

He nodded and I turned back to Ino as he left. "So, what's this party for anyways?"

"Actually it's a surprise, you'll find out later." She remarked, winking a little.

I pouted. "Well that's no fun."

Suddenly her eyes focused on something behind me. "Neither is that."

I furrowed my eyebrows at her as she gestured behind me. There Gaara stood at the refreshments table, holding our drinks, politely nodding to a young girl who stood in front of him, twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes. She had to be around his age, maybe a year or two younger with a pretty face and a flirty smile to match. She kept flipping her long black hair, furthering the desire boiling deep in my stomach to rip it from her scalp.

I narrowed my eyes before looking back at Ino. "If you'll excuse me please."

It didn't take me long before I was within earshot of their conversation.

"So," She asked as she took a step closer to him. "Are you seeing anyone?"

I could see puzzlement strike his features. "I'm only seeing you at the moment."

I wanted to scream _that's not what she means you dumbass!_ but I had to remind myself that Gaara didn't understand colloquialisms and he definitely didn't understand flirting. But I knew something _she_ would understand.

He saw me coming before she did and held out his hand, offering me the drink which I pushed aside. I pulled his face down to mine, slamming my lips into his, kissing him in quite an indecent manner actually, but making sure that that little hussy could see everything. I could still feel her presence so when I pulled away, I stayed close enough that our lips were almost touching and grabbed his hips, drawing him towards me possessively. And in my most sultry voice, loud enough for her to hear, I said "Last night was great."

And she was gone. I smiled a little. _Good_. Turning back to Gaara I frowned. His entire face had turned red and as he swallowed, I thought I might have broken him. It probably was the intense display of PDA that did it. I felt kind of bad, but also kind of powerful knowing that my sexual prowess was far superior to that little girl's. As the red faded to a pink, understanding crossed across his face.

"Koshinja, did that woman make you jealous?"

I took a step back. "What? Of course not. It's just that we're married, I thought people might respect that." A small smile made its way onto Gaara's face as he set the drinks down and reached into his pocket. I stubbornly looked away. "Well I'm glad I amuse you."

When I looked back up he was closer to me, showing me one of the red flowers from the cactus I'd given him. "This flower was successful in enduring alongside the cactus; it managed to remain by his side through the brutality of the desert and even the harshness of his own needles. Yet all the while it somehow preserved its beauty." I leaned my head down as he placed it into my hair, neatly curving the strands behind my ear. "If I remind you of the cactus, then you remind me of the flower."

The earnestness and flattery of his statement wiped my mind clean and I grabbed at my stomach so that the butterflies might calm themselves. I touched the flower gingerly, it's petals soothing beneath my trembling fingertips. I felt light-headed and dizzy and different and perfect. There was an overpowering genuineness in that moment that I desperately wanted to last however long a cliché forever might be but Ino's voice over a microphone forced me to pay attention.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen thank you for your patience, but the evening's main event, the reason you're all here, is about to start!" she cheered and others followed in her lead. "Please welcome Shikamaru to the stage!"

Everyone clapped, including Gaara and I, and I realized this was the man he'd mentioned before. He looked… annoyed and I had the strangest feeling that whatever was happening was all Ino's idea. But he stood anyway, looking out into the crowd. He was a jonin, I could tell by the uniform. I stole a glance at Gaara who seemed just as interested in what he had to say as I was.

"I'm sorry everyone, this was all Ino's idea." I knew it. "If I had it my way I would've done this at home but her incessant nagging got the better of me. Besides I do actually have something to say." He paused. "They said you're here, Temari?" Everyone looked around and moved aside, giving Temari, who was wearing a beautiful dress and had been in the middle of the audience, the floor. She looked embarrassed but confused. "Temari if it were up to me this wouldn't be such a big thing, I know you don't like public spectacles and I don't like all this work." He was nervous, rubbing his neck and sighing. Everyone waited. "Temari I know I'm not the best man out there— I'm lazy and not much interests me. There are many days when I would've preferred to float away on a cloud instead of go in to work and play shogi instead of writing reports, and either would have been enough for me. But every day for a while now, at some point, I realize that none of it's enough anymore without you. You don't accept my idleness, you push me so that I might reach my full potential, and over these past few years you've made me into the best man I've ever been." He set the mic into its stand and his hand on his hip. "Look this mushy stuff is troublesome and I'm not very good at it. I just want you to know that I love you Temari and if you'd honor me by becoming my wife, you'd make any and everything in my life much less of a drag."

I watched in awe as Temari raised her hand over her open mouth, staring Shikamaru down as he calmly walked over to her. But his eyes betrayed him, anxious and unassuming, fearful and full of love for the woman that stood before him. "So, what'd'ya say, wanna marry me?"

Then I saw the tears. "You idiot!" she exclaimed as she jumped into his arms. "Of course I'll marry you." They were kissing in the next moment, holding each other, jointly supporting the weight of their happiness. When they parted the room exploded into cheers and the smiles on their faces, especially Temari's, could've put the sun to shame. I clapped for them, smiling as well. Then the partygoers were upon them, congratulating them with handshakes and hugs and words of kindness. Gaara and I hung back, watching the festive scene.

"Koshinja?"

I looked up at him, he seemed to be recovering from shock and settling oddly into deep worry. I frowned. "What is it?"

"Do you ever smile like this?"

I looked back to the couple and all the happy tears and their faces, the purest and most honest display of love I'd ever seen. It was like all of everything about their relationship was nestled in that one, rare, universal expression. I grabbed Gaara's hand and kissed it, trying to soothe away his worries.

"Temari and Shikamaru are in love, Gaara, and that's what it looks like. For you and I- we're still getting to know one another. Their marriage will be much different from ours so don't start comparing it, okay?"

"Love," He sighed. "I've yet to understand how something so prevalent in this world is so elusive to me."

I squeezed his hand. "It'll be okay."

"Koshinja," He turned fully towards me. "It's not my wish for you to fail to benefit from something like love. It's seems such a pity to waste your life on me so if you so wish, when we return to Suna—"

"Gaara, stop. When we got married, we vowed to be with each other, for better or worse. So don't think you'll be able to push me away. I'm in this for the long haul, no matter what. I don't care what happens, I'm devoted to us and whatever we might become."

He nodded, his expression doubtful. I didn't want his pity, however well-meant it might have been. Quite frankly it disgusted me- we were doing so good, he shouldn't start questioning the relationship now. Although I didn't have a say in the actual marriage, I did have one in what would happen afterwards and decided long ago to stick by it. I decided to stick by him, whether he wanted me to or not.

I turned around then, leading us away from the large crowd of people and out of the hall. All the romance of the event had me feeling some type of way and I wanted to go back to the inn. As we walked I kept thinking of Temari's smile and how much it actually meant. And although we weren't really speaking, as we moved quickly through the night, I knew that word 'love' was hot on our heels.

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 _ **A/N:** I know its been a while, I hope you can forgive me. Just a heads up, it might be another little while until the next chapter goes up. I'll try to have it posted before Thanksgiving because I know finals are on their way and then I really won't have time to write. Anyway, hope you enjoyed and thank you everyone for sticking with the story, it means the world._


	12. Konoha Day 3 Compensation

**A/N: Finally finished it! I'm honestly gonna try and get another chapter up before Christmas because I know I missed Thanksgiving (I was way busier than I thought I'd be, probably because I made the mac n cheese this year). Finals are just around the corner and though I've only got three, it's still a lot of studying so wish me luck :). Until then, enjoy and know that I really appreciate all the feedback, follows, and faves.**

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12\. Konoha Day 3: Compensation

There's something about pain, about joy and feeling those things for others that bonds us. There's something about feeling that makes us human. When I unlocked the door to our room, I kept thinking about the way Gaara had made me feel when he placed the flower in my hair and how I would have given anything to feel that way again, because what that feeling had really been- the lightness, the butterflies- was hope. I had felt hopeful and as I tore away my sweater and jewelry, I felt so again.

"Why did we depart from the party?" Gaara asked as he closed the door behind him.

"All the romance was starting to get to me." And it still was. Walking over to him I noticed how much attention I was paying to my movements, how nervous I suddenly was, how unsure. I was trying to stay out of my head, not overthink it, not question anything. For so long I had been trying to be patient, and wait. But seeing Temari tonight had bothered me too despite my strong words. "Gaara I, I wanna try something."

I raised my hand over his face, guiding him down to me so that I could kiss him softly. He hesitated at first before returning it. Pleased, I lead us to the bed gesturing for him to sit so that I could place myself in his lap. He put his hands on my thighs, massaging them in little circles. I could see the blush rising on his face as he looked up at me before I leaned my head onto his shoulder, kissing his neck as tenderly as I could.

"Then, you desire to have sex?" he asked slowly.

I stopped, lips hovering above his skin. "No, not have sex." I leaned up and placed my forehead on his. "We're going to make love. Or at least we're gonna try."

He frowned. "I do not know how."

"Me neither… but I think it should be about appreciation." I reached for my flower. "About gestures and thankfulness, comfort." I was struggling to explain and I knew he sensed it as he moved his hands to my waist and looked off to the side. I followed his gaze to the cactus I'd bought for him. It sat soundlessly on the corner of the dresser, looking on with the flowers right beside it.

"About acceptance?"

I nodded and smiled a little. "This is going to sound so stupid but sometimes when I watch you when you work, or when I see you in deep thought with the little frown you sometimes have, I get this urge to just… hold you. But I'm such a coward that I never do."

"You can hold me tonight." He placed a kiss on my forehead. "Perhaps we could hold each other for once."

I searched his eyes, combing through that beautiful green so that I might fight some semblance of what I was feeling in their depths. Making this type of eye-contact was discerning, especially considering that I did indeed find something in his gaze: vulnerability. There it was, settled in the depths of his stare, mirroring my own, highlighting a shallow fear of rejection, a worry that this wouldn't work.

"Dammit." I said softly as I felt the familiar tightness of oncoming tears in my face.

"What's the matter Koshinja?" He spoke as quietly as I had.

"I just," I wiped at my eyes. "I don't know." But I did know and when he kissed me, I knew he knew too. There was this longing shared in that moment and all those which followed, a tacit, powerful desire for what Temari and Shikamaru had displayed earlier. When we made eye contact, when he pulled me under the sheets with him, there was fear that we'd never obtain it. We moved like newcomers to one another, unsurely seeking a way to form the connection we so desperately sought. Every touch was too intense, too cold and too warm so that they canceled out. I'd never been more aware of him, I never had felt him like I did now. It wasn't like before, it wasn't like having him. Feeling his kisses traveling down my stomach, letting the fringes of his hair leave my fingers as he moved… now it was like experiencing him. Everything was slow, drawn out, and my want, or maybe need, for him came from a different place tonight. His touches were lost, no pattern, no direction, but so were we, stumbling through one another, trying to bond on a level that has for so long been out of reach; attempting not to find love, but to create it instead. There was less pleasure than usual but it was all somehow more potent, like the way an embrace feels in the winter, like a message for the long-stranded, like a promise to keep trying amid failure. And when I let the warmth of his shoulders roll beneath my hands as my arms slipped around his neck and he pushed gently inside me, I understood.

The emotion I was feeling wasn't a foreign one- we're all accustomed to it, that feeling of wanting something you fear you'll never have. I bit my lip as more tears made their way down my cheeks. Gaara put his forehead to mine, pausing, waiting for me to speak.

"I'm sorry I keep fucking crying like this but I can't help it." My breath, just like my words, were shaky. "I just want you so much, I can't even stand it."

His eyes were wide, and sad. "I- I want you as well."

"But do you feel it like I do?" I looked away. "I'm so frustrated. We have everything, all the pieces, all the timing and the feelings and yet-"

"And yet we're not in love." I nodded and he sighed. "I've never been in love Koshinja, I've yet to understand how it works. I want you, truthfully I do, but I don't understand how it is I am supposed to get you. I am not entirely sure I ever will."

"I know." I moved my hands to his face, trying to lend hope to him and myself. "We should just be with each other tonight then huh? Just, be."

It was difficult to articulate my thought but I think he understood. In spite of all the worry and all of the pressure, he'd agreed to be we me in the only way we knew how. There's something so soothing about sex with him, something safe, and reassuring. It's like an exchange- his pleasure for mine. There's balance and sharing and reciprocity in this physicality which perhaps, now, might become emotional too. There's a pureness about giving him my body and receiving his in return; a bareness, like I can show him anything and he would accept it. It was a way in which we were connecting, body and soul. And, for all of what was missing, it was beautiful.

Everything about that night with him was tender; my touches, his kisses, our words, and even the climax. As we lay together, backs propped up against pillows, it felt as if I was being cradling in a cloud of emotion, of support and a natural kindness that I hoped husbands and wives shared everywhere. My mind was trying to race through the quicksand of what I was feeling. I felt like a teenager again, trying to grasp at something I barely understood, desperate and disappointed. I sighed and leaned my head into his shoulder.

"Gaara, tell me what you're feeling."

"I am not certain." He frowned. "Koshinja, I may not be able to explain my feelings for a lot of them are very new to me, alien, unlike anything I've ever felt before. But know that I hold a very strong affection towards you, one that I hope will obtain permanence."

"That's close enough for me." I smiled a little, squeezing his hand beneath the cover.

...

The next morning after everyone was accounted for and packed, we were ready to leave. I noticed Temari a lot that morning. She was less engaged with the rest of us and more so with the ring on her finger, running her thumb across it lightly, staring at it fondly. I felt a pang in my chest every time she smiled to herself. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for her, but it was just a little difficult. It was like seeing someone shaking hands with their future, terrified but hopeful, and above all excited, yet it was hard to watch because I'd never looked at my ring that way. Suddenly I felt the overwhelming urge to see Dr. Hirashi.

"Hey, Koshinja, you okay? You don't look so good, have you eaten?" Kankuro surprised me with his questions.

"What? Yeah, yeah, I ate. I'm good, just ready to be back home is all."

"I know how you feel." he said sympathetically. "Well if you've got everything then we're ready to check out and hit the road."

I followed him out of the room and down to the main desk before we left the inn. Walking through the village I realized that I really liked Konoha and its people and if I ever had the opportunity, I was going to come back for an actual vacation. Maybe by myself even. It was a nice thought and as we neared the gates of the village I really hoped it would be an actuality one day. The Hokage was waiting to bid us farewell when we reached the gate. He had this huge grin on his face, the type of slightly idiotic smile that warms your heart and makes you feel like you'll hate how long you'll have to wait before you can see it again.

Gaara returned his smile, reaching out his hand and accepting the Hokage's in a firm, friendly handshake. I was surprised to find myself hugging Sakura as she wished us a safe trip. Then we were off, moving through the thickness of the Land of Fire's forests, on our way home. Honestly I wasn't looking forward to the two-day walk back but I knew falling into the bed at home would be well worth the trip.

About halfway through the trip, we were about to the border back into The Land of Wind, sand dunes coming into view just as the sun broke through the horizon. We'd decided to keep moving through the night but if we didn't stop now, there'd be no telling when we'd get another opportunity. Temari must have been thinking the same thing because she'd stopped walking and was setting some of her bags down.

"You wanna stop here?" Kankuro asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know just as well as I do how demanding this trip is about to become." she responded, digging through one of the bags.

"But don't you want to just get there?" She shot him a glare, one to which he responded by turning to Gaara. "C'mon Gaara, you can't let her do this. We should just keep moving, huh?"

Gaara shook his head. "I think Temari is right, we should rest. The remainder of the journey we'll spend battling the desert."

Kankuro just growled in irritation and Temari scoffed. "For all your complaining Kankuro, you're on watch."

He walked off with his puppets, mumbling underneath his breath about fairness and being the middle child. I chuckled a little to myself before noticing that Temari was staring at me. I looked around, making sure it was indeed me that she was looking at before instinctively moving closer to Gaara who seemed confused.

"Koshinja," Dammit. "Can I speak with you?"

I swallowed, wondering why she wanted to talk to me. "Sure."

Temari turned around and gestured for me to follow which I did, however reluctantly. We walked a good distance away, stopping beneath one of the few straggling trees in the area. I knew we had gone so far as to be out of ear-shot which meant that whatever it was she wanted to speak about, she didn't want either of her brothers to hear. I waited for her to say something.

"Don't look so uncomfortable." I didn't know how to respond and she sighed. "Look, I just want to ask you something."

Whatever it was, it was obviously really bothering her. I had to admit I was concerned. "What's up?"

She sighed again, leaning against the tree. "I'm not trying to pry but, what's marriage like?"

I blinked a few times, trying to recover from her question for what a question it was. "Are you nervous Temari?"

She looked towards the sand. "I'm just not used to getting myself into situations where I can't predict the outcome."

I frowned a little. "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint but, that's something about this whole thing that never changes. I still don't know what's going to happen."

"That's not very helpful." Temari huffed a little, crossing her arms.

I did the same. "Look, I can't really tell you much because the circumstances between our two marriages are different. You and Shikamaru have been together for a long time and you're in love. I know you're worried but that's something that you shouldn't take for granted."

She looked at me then, most likely surprised by my tone which sounded sad, even to my ears. "I never thought about it like that."

"And you shouldn't have to. Look Temari if there's one thing that I can tell you about being with your brother it's that I've been surprised more times than I thought I'd ever be in my life. I was so used to having a routine, so used to the daily roads and the repetition but lately…" I thought back to the previous night, to the way we'd been. "Lately that's all been thrown to hell. There's no plan anymore- we have to figure everything out as we go. Temari, so far, marriage isn't something you can plan out so don't worry, okay? I know how much you love your fiancé, I could see it in the way you smiled last night, and how you keep looking at your ring. You're gonna be okay and I promise you'll be happier than you've ever been in your life in the end."

Before I knew what was happening, she'd hugged me. It was quick and light, but it was a hug. I was going to return it but she drew away. There was this look on her face, one I knew all too well. Temari took off and I followed as closely behind as I could, worry fiercely settling into my chest.

Suddenly Temari had her fan out blocking a kunai attack. "Get behind me!" she yelled and I complied, halting. Looking over her shoulder, I noticed Kankuro and Crow engaging ninja whose uniforms I did not recognize. Above them was Gaara, standing on floating sand, arms crossed, expressionless. I wondered how many there were.

"Kankuro, what the fuck happened? You were on watch!" Temari accused.

He scoffed. "Hey don't blame me, I had to take a piss and they ambushed me. Gaara came to help. I don't know how many of them there are in total, we've only encountered three so far."

She turned her attention to the enemy. "What do you all want?"

One of them stepped forward, his face a mask of anger. But when he spoke, he was calm. "We want information."

"Well attacking us is a great way to get it." Kankuro remarked.

The guy sneered. "Watch it buddy, we're not in the mood. Where is he?" It was a demand.

Kankuro looked confused, and aggravated. "Who?"

"Don't play dumb with me Sand ninja— about a month ago a stranger wandered into your village. His name was Jibun, we want him back."

I could tell by their dark skin and light hair, more so than what they wore, that they were ninja from the Cloud village. And although they stood, calm and threatening, in their stares I saw the intense desire for retribution. Suddenly I heard movement underground and I felt myself move into a defensive position. It happened so quickly that I nearly missed it. Crow sprung free from the earth behind the enemy with a deadly barrage of needles aimed at them. They were evaded, at least that's what I thought until Temari created a monstrous wind with her fan, sending them back toward them. This time one embedded itself into the leg of the one farthest from me. He pulled it out and engulfed it in electricity and with blinding speed sent it towards me. Despite have genin level battle experience I was technically considered a non-combat civilian, which meant I would have to be protected throughout the entire battle.

"Koshinja, no matter what happens you stay behind me." Temari commanded and I complied as she suddenly grabbed me, pulling me out of the path of the needle.

"Gaara, I'm taking Koshinja away from here!"

I was over Temari's shoulder, protest forming on my tongue when I locked eyes with the Kazekage. There I saw his promise, ablaze in the depths of that turquoise stare, and as he called forth his sand to defend us against an attack aimed at preventing us from leaving, I decided to trust him.

Again we were in the trees, moving faster than I would've been able to on my own two feet. But we didn't get far. One of the ninjas had followed us, cutting off our path and forcing Temari to stop.

She addressed him before setting me on the branch of the tree where we stood. "What is it that you want?"

"Return Jibun to us and we'll leave you alone." His tone was demanding and harsh.

"How dare you attack us and then have the audacity to make demands! Does the Raikage know you've entered battle with the leader of Sunakagore?" Temari gripped her fan. "As if you could ever emerge victorious."

"You think we'd come unprepared? My comrade has a special jutsu that will render the Kazekage's sand useless." He held out his hand and lightening began to form there. "I won't tell you again."

Temari widened her stance and I realized she was at a serious disadvantage: she was an intermediate range ninja while he fought up close. The intensity of the electricity made my stomach turn. In my mind I could see nothing good coming from this fight, especially if what he said about his teammate was true. If any of them got hurt in the name of protecting me, of defending what I had caused, I didn't know what I would do.

"Who is he to you?"

The man looked at me as I moved in front of Temari, ignoring her angered gasp. "What are you doing Koshinja?"

"Tell me who he is to you."

He looked confused, on guard, but interested. The attack in his hand dissipated and he stood a little straighter. "Jibun is my older brother. He went missing a few years ago. After a while the village stopped looking for him, but I didn't. When I made chunin, my squad and I started searching again and found a discarded compound in the Sound village. That place had some pretty messed up shit but I found his headband there. I thought he was dead." I could see him reliving the memories as he spoke, so many emotions crossing his face. "But there was no body. So I hired a tracker who, for the most part, came up empty except for a tip about a stranger stumbling into your village. So we found an outgoing villager who confirmed that the stranger was Jibun. A few weeks later we'd gotten clearance for an infiltration mission, just for observatory purposes, verification. But when we saw you guys leaving, we thought it would save us time and trouble if we made it a rescue mission instead."

"What's your name?" I had to stop the guilt from affecting my voice. I was to blame for the death of this man's brother, someone he loved and devoted years of his life to finding. Now he may not even find the body.

"Baouri."

I swallowed. "Baouri, if I tell you where Jibun is, will you and your team leave the rest of these people alone?"

He nodded. But for what I was about to do, it wasn't enough.

Temari's grip on my shoulder was sudden and painful. "Koshinja, you don't have the authority to divulge that sort of intel." she whispered fiercely. "We can handle—"

"Do you swear Baouri?" I moved from her grasp, jumping to a new branch that was closer to him. "Swear to me, on something that really matters, that you will not harm the others in exchange for this information. And I in turn will swear, on the death of my parents, as well to tell you the complete truth."

"I swear not to hurt them, on my first born." He seemed genuine but hesitant. "You keep saying 'the others'. Why is that? You don't care at all about your safety?"

No, I didn't. "Because Jibun is dead and he didn't die peacefully. Because I broke my promise to him and that is something for which I must atone." In my mind I saw Jibun's dying face, on my cheeks I could feel the warmth of his spattered blood, the fading pulse beneath my fingers. "Because if you want peace or vengeance or whatever for Jibun, you find it here with me, and not with the people around me. I am solely responsible for his death and if the punishment I have to pay is by your hand, then so be it."

Baouri's face contorted into an expression I'd never seen before, anguish being the closest descriptor. But his grief quickly morphed into rage. His eyes widened, the edges of his mouth pulled themselves into a snarl, and his jaw clenched in such a manner that I thought his teeth would shatter. In the next moment everything happened at once.

" _You bitch!_ —"

"—Koshinja!—"

"—I'm sorry."

Temari lunged to protect me but she didn't make it in time. The blow landed. Tears in Baouri's eyes, his attack in my chest, Jibun's face in my mind… and then Gaara's- all at once. Thrown back I crashed into the ground, and then darkness.


	13. Blank

13\. Blank

 _Hello…_

 _Is anyone there?_

 _How did I-_

 _What happened_

 _-Get here…_

 _I don't understand_

 _Get where-_

 _Am I…_

Death isn't so bad, after the initial confusion dissipates. I mean there's this constant feeling of drowsiness, like when I used to doze off just before falling asleep. My chest is weighed down by fatigue and it feels like I'm breathing very slowly, very heavily, except I'm not really breathing because… well, I don't have to anymore. I'm not floating like I thought I would be. Every time people came back to me in the hospital after dying they described this… weightlessness. I don't feel that. I'm just heavy and tired and my mind is racing but languished.

There are only two things here with me; darkness and water. The latter is pushing up against my sides, lukewarm, soothing. I'm lying in it, and I can hear it all around me, crashing against the nothingness. I'm like a raft that won't float, the water barely higher than halfway up my body. The darkness, though, has me swallowed up.

I'm not dreaming. If I were asleep I would be but I'm not.

I'm seeing my memories as if they instead were dreams, watching my life like a picture show of some sort, feeling all the emotions I've ever felt all over again as they come, attached to the memories. I'm seeing my mother's face for the first time, seeing my father's and I'm so happy that I can't stop crying because it's the only way I know how to express emotions as an infant. Then I'm taking my first step and I'm excited, trying to chase the cat. Then I'm on the playground, waiting for my parents, swinging with an ice cream, content, and wondering why the boy with the red hair on the other side is so alone, why he's crying and not playing with his teddy bear or me. Then I'm at the academy, throwing kunai, watching the boy with purple makeup setting up a prank for the teacher and laughing when she falls for it. I like him, he seems cool. Then we're on a squad together and I'm going on my first mission and Kankuro is being stupid and the enemy hurts him and I'm afraid. I pull out the senbon needle and clean the wound and I'm hoping it's not poisonous.

Then I'm getting home from a mission with my stupid new team, and I'm tired and annoyed because there are people at my door and they tell me my parents have been killed and I'm distraught. Then Kankuro is there again and the house is a wreck because I'm a wreck and I miss my parents and he's there to apologize. And I yell at him, and even though it's not his fault I blame him because I feel betrayed so I crash into him and he hugs me. Then we're kissing and it's crazy and I feel better but it's weird and wrong and perfect. Before he leaves I make sure to give him my headband. Then I'm in medical school and some strange girl is staring at me and she smiles and tells me she likes my hair and that we should be partners on our research project and I'm kind of happy because I've been here for more than a year and she's the first friend I've managed to make. And then Ichina and I are eating a late dinner and a very cute server asks me out. Then there's flowers, and dates, and I'm lying next to him one night wondering why everyone likes sex so much because it hurt and was awkward and he came pretty fast. Then there's Diske, Rei, and the war. Everyone's rushing to the field, trying to save people, and I'm watching my comrades risk their lives and I feel hopeless because everyone's dying and there's just so much pain and blood. Then everything's back to normal, I'm being promoted and I feel relieved because I've finally made it.

Then there's Tauro kissing my hand and I'm enraptured by him. Tauro and me and I can see it being like that forever until I smell the perfume. Then I'm kicking him out and I'm devastated and crying to Ichina about how I'll never get married. Then it's been two years and random men are at my door and so is the Kazekage and the village elders and I'm confused. They say they've picked me to be the Kazekage's bride and I'm bewildered and a little flattered and conflicted but he seems nice and I'm young so if it doesn't work out it'll be okay so I say yes. Then I'm signing papers and we're married and moving into a new house. Then I'm eating candy and Gaara's coming through the door and we're having sex.

Then I'm noticing him for the first time because everything is slowing down and he's becoming the focus of my life. His hands are strong and gentle and his smile makes my heart dance and is so precious. His voice is calming and his will is strong and there's this humility about him and I start to admire him. The way I see him changes and that strangeness is becoming familiarity, the awkwardness is melting away, and I'm realizing that I really do want to be with him. I'm trying to see life through his eyes, trying to change the bad parts of myself for him, wanting to make him happy and keep him safe, no matter what the cost. Then, I'm falling in love and I don't even realize it.

Then everything disappears.

…

The first thing I saw was Sakura's bubblegum hair as she leaned over me. I could she her lips moving but I couldn't hear anything. I felt like I was waking up and I tried to pull myself further from the murkiness of my previous state. There's a low buzzing sound in my ears and I can feel the sharpness of the oxygen as it flows into my nostrils. I try to move my arms but it's too heavy. Even my littlest finger and toe feel like a massive weight upon my body. Although I'm aware of it, my body is numb.

Finally sound starts filtering into my ears, slowly and sort of muffled. My vision is clearer and I can see that it's evening by the pink colors of twilight illuminating the curtains of the room I was in. I could hear the machines beeping and Sakura's calming voice as she moved a chair up to the bed.

"Try to stay calm." she instructed. "Can you speak?"

"Yes."

She was writing things down. "Good."

"Where's Gaara?" I didn't even think about the question before asking it.

"Shhh, I know you can talk but don't right now. Everything's okay. I need you to stay calm."

"You're going to make sure my body is functioning properly by running a series of response and reflex testing and probably do a cognition test of some sort along with ones for sight and hearing. You'll check my circulation and have me perform some simple tasks like walking to the door and back. Then you'll see what I need, prescribe me some medicine based on whatever that might be and keep me here under surveillance for about three days to see if I'm well enough to go home before releasing me."

"Good to know you've still got it." She smiled and stood up before placing her hand on top of mine. "Koshinja, I know what it's like being a medical professional but please, let me and the hospital staff take care of you. You've been in a coma for almost two weeks and we need to make sure that you're really okay. Promise me you won't try to be your own doctor."

I pursed my lips. "I promise."

"Thank you. Now take it easy, I'll be back with a nurse so we can run those tests."

Sakura left the room and I looked up at the ceiling. Two weeks, huh? No wonder I felt so heavy. Reusing my body after that much inactivity was going to be a pain in the ass. All I could feel at the moment was a horrible pain in my chest. My memory of the cause of it was blurry- all I could say for sure was that I had been attacked. By who or why, I had no clue. But if I was in a hospital in Konoha, then whatever happened must have happened on their territory. Maybe we were attacked by bandits or something on our way back to Suna and I got in the way and got hurt. That seemed plausible. It would explain why no one was here with me; something minor like that wouldn't require Gaara or his siblings to stay in town. They probably went back home. Even so, if I said that it didn't make me a little sad, I'd be lying.

It took a few minutes before the weight in my body began to lift. Moving my fingers for the first time in two weeks felt like un-crumpling a piece of foil and was oddly satisfying. So slowly I un-crumpled myself, stretching and straining until mobility and feeling returned to my limbs. Carefully I sat up, trying not to misplace any of the many things sticking to my body, probably to monitor my vitals. I looked to the window and noticed a few bouquets of flowers. I was a little puzzled, wondering who'd bought them for me but thankful all the same. I noticed the small cactus amid them and reached to my ear. I frowned, having lost the red flower Gaara had placed there and wondering if it had been crushed in the forest somewhere. I was brushing my hair from my face, hoping it wasn't a tangled mess, when someone knocked.

"It's me." Sakura entered with a young nurse at her side. "This is Yamada, she'll be helping me with your evaluation today."

I nodded to the woman who smiled at me. "Um Sakura, I was wondering what happened. I know you don't want to tell me because you think it might cause me trouble but I can't remember anything and…" I sighed. "Well I just want to make sure every one's okay."

Although Sakura was running her tests, I saw the expression on her face grow very grave. She didn't say anything for a few minutes, only gestured for me to move my body in certain ways to check for normalcy of response. "I don't know everything, I wasn't there. All I know is that you all were attacked on your way out of the Land of Fire by Cloud ninja. You were the only casualty but you were severely hurt. They called me to meet you at the village gates but I didn't know how bad it was until I saw you. And even then…" She trailed off and reached into her pocket, producing a little light that she then aimed at my eyes. "I saw Gaara first. He was carrying you, holding you to his chest, and I thought that maybe you'd just suffered a leg or ankle injury and couldn't walk. But then I saw the blood. You were wounded in the chest and by the time we got into the operating room you'd almost most bled out. The surgery was successful but afterwards, we couldn't seem to wake you up."

There were a lot of blanks in her story and I needed to be filled in. "Where's Gaara?"

"Meeting with the Hokage. He comes to see you every day around 3:00 and that'll be soon. I decided it might be better not to send a messenger considering how upsetting they can sometimes be."

I nodded. Sometimes people don't fully understand what they're meant to tell and it can be quite upsetting for the people receiving the message. Misunderstandings concerning the health of a loved one are never good. So I didn't ask any more questions and we finished all the tests before Sakura and Yamada left to process blood work and the like. I laid back in my bed and stared up at the ceiling, feeling lonesome, hoping someone would visit.

A few minutes later, the door opened again. I thought it was Sakura, prepared to ask her how much longer I would be kept here, however it was not my doctor who stepped into the room. Kankuro was at my side instantly, startling me a little. But he seemed relieved, happy even. "You know, you scared the hell out of us right?"

I smiled, content in just hearing his voice. "Hello to you too."

But Temari's greeting was not so friendly. She stomped over to my bedside, hands on her hips, and I had to resist the urge to shrink away. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Hey, Temari, calm down– Koshinja just woke up."

But Kankuro's words fell on deaf ears as his older sister reached down and grabbed me by my collar. "You almost got yourself killed. Do you even know what you've done!"

"No, no I- I don't-" I stuttered

"What have you got to say for yourself!" She screamed, shaking me a little.

"Temari!"

It was Kankuro who spoke but he wasn't responsible for separating Temari from me. I winced as I fell back onto the mattress. When her hands withdrew, I saw the thin lines of sand around her wrists, pulling her away from me. "Let me go Gaara."

I hadn't noticed him until now, entering through the doorway wordlessly. Although I don't think he intended his sister harm, I could tell the grip he had her in wasn't in the least kind. He looked at me, eyes scanning my face, searching even. For what- I didn't know. Slowly the sand fell away and Temari looked back at me with such rage that I held the covers more tightly. "If you want to act like she's innocent then so be it. But this goes beyond the two of you, beyond all of us, and she needs to understand what she's caused."

Temari turned on heel and left, door slamming shut behind her. I didn't understand why she was so angry with me- why would she blame me for getting attacked? Unless... unless there was more to the story that I didn't know. I needed to know exactly why I'd ended up in a coma in the first place. I turned to Gaara whose gaze had followed Temari out of the room. "What happened?"

He looked at me fully, again searching my face, my eyes, and then finally sighing when he didn't find whatever it was he sought. "You don't remember?"

"No. I remember telling everyone goodbye at the gates, and that's it. At least, that's the last thing I remember clearly. Everything else is really blurry and I can't make anything out in my mind." Kankuro and Gaara exchanged a look I wasn't able to decipher.

Kankuro scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Well you-"

"Don't Kankuro, now isn't the time."

"Yeah but Gaara," The expression on the Kazekage's face silenced him, although barely.

I was thoroughly worried by the siblings, not to mention confused. "Whatever I did can't be that bad, can it?"

Gaara's gaze met mine and suddenly he inhaled sharply, his eyes widening momentarily. I knew that face- that was the face of someone reliving a particularly unpleasant memory. I reached out, partly to offer comfort, partly to bring him back to me, but in vain for once I'd made contact, lightly grabbing his hand, he pulled away and slipped from my grasp. Then he was turning around and walking towards the door.

"Gaara!" Kankuro called after him.

"I-" He looked back and frowned. "I can't do this. Excuse me." Then he left too.

I needed some answers, intense concern overtaking my mind. "Kankuro what the hell-"

"Gaara's right." He sighed. "Now's not the time. Just focus on getting better, okay? Don't worry about anything." Kankuro pat me affectionately on the head before following Gaara out of the room. Although his words were meant as a comfort, I felt a strange sense of foreboding from hearing them. I wasn't able to shrug it off, so instead I decided to try for sleep and leaned back into the soft hospital pillow.

Sakura held me at the facility for four more days, releasing me on the fifth. Whatever was happening between the 'Kages must have been important because after my initial reawakening, Gaara hadn't returned to see me. I was upset at first but I figured he had a good reason for staying away. After all, according to Sakura, when I'd been in the coma, he visited every day at the same time. Something was troubling him— that much was clear. However, every time I tried to bring it up to Kankuro, he'd insisted nothing was the matter. Suddenly, I couldn't wait to be home.

This time when we departed, Leaf Anbu accompanied us, camouflaged somewhere in the scenery. Gaara made a point of having me at his side at all times, but beyond that he said little. Temari kept glaring at me and if there ever was a time I was genuinely afraid of her, it was now. Despite Gaara inherently not being much of a talker, this level of silence made me think that perhaps I was being punished. Other couples used the silent treatment all the time didn't they? Was this that? I mean, he would look at me sometimes but every time I thought he was going to speak he would just frown deeply and avoid me eyes. Whenever we'd stopped to rest throughout the journey, it wasn't by one another's side as I'd grown used to. He left me to sleep without him and in his absence the ground was even colder. So when finally the gates of Suna were visible, I was beyond relieved. I knew that by sunset we'd be home and everything would be back to normal.

As soon as we were safely inside the village, Temari and Kankuro took off, most likely to the same place. But Gaara remained by my side, walking us home. When we reached the gate of our house, he spoke lowly to the guard as I waited for him. But he didn't move.

"What's wrong, aren't we going inside?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I have a very important meeting I must attend."

"Oh." I frowned. "Well you'll be back later right? I could make you some dinner whenever-"

"Koshinja, I think it best if I stay with Kankuro for a few days." He'd averted his eyes as he spoke.

I was taken aback, not sure what to say. "Can I ask why?"

He faced away from me. "I'm not able to be around you right now is all."

Is all? Is all? Like that statement was some small observance, some tiny inconvenience. "Why?" I felt my throat getting tighter and it was nearly painful to speak. "What did I do?"

He didn't answer, just turned his body completely away from me. "You should go inside, it's getting late." He started forward and desperation sat in.

"Gaara wait-" I reached out to grab his shoulder but in that instance he'd gone, leaving only sand to fall through my fingers.


	14. Fight or Flight

14\. Fight or Flight

I stared at the clock numbly, watching the second hand busy at work, ticking my day away. It was 11:30 in the morning and I couldn't go back to sleep despite having been laying in the darkness of the bedroom for nearly three hours now. But I wasn't surprised- it had been this way ever since we'd come back home. Well, home to Suna that is. Gaara never came back to the house. Had I known he would be gone for the past five days, I might have tried to dissuade him from going to Kankuro's. In all the time I haven't seen him once, I haven't even spoken to him. I'm trying to respect his wishes, to trust in his choices but I miss him.

A minute has gone by.

I turned to my other side and the bed felt too big, too empty. I kept touching the mattress where he usually sleeps, like I'm trying to re-feel his presence. It's been barely a week but I haven't gone back to work on the count of the coma and hence haven't found a reason to leave the house. Ichina came over a few times with some tea and groceries to make sure I was okay, catch up, talk- really whatever I wanted. The days were so long though, even my best friend couldn't make them pass any sooner, nothing could. I cleaned the entire house from top to bottom, I dusted, and sorted the mail we hadn't been previously able to go through, and made all my meals for the week. I made a few for Gaara too, mainly out of habit.

Another minute.

I sighed and tried not to think about him, to untangle my mind from everything that's happened and douse the frustration of trying to take responsibility for something I don't remember. I want to sleep, to distract myself from everything, but my body just won't obey. I don't know why I thought it would considering that, so far, I haven't been able to sleep anything off except for that hangover I had after a night of drinking with Ichina.

Another minute has gone by and I don't think I can take it anymore.

I sit up, having decided to head to my office. Maybe I can't do my normal rounds, but I can get _something_ done. There must be piles of paperwork considering just how long I'd been gone. Besides that, I think I might much prefer being comatose again to lying in this bed anymore.

It didn't take me long to get ready, maybe fifteen minutes. I grabbed one of the muffins Ichina brought over and headed out. Being outside was nice- it was hot, but not humid like it normally was and there was a slight breeze rolling through the streets. The breathe I took was cleansing and I was happy that I was finally getting out of the house. I expected an uneventful walk to my job like usual, just to move and breathe and not think, so I was really surprised when someone shouted to me from across the way.

"Lady Koshinja! Lady Koshinja!"

I turned around to see one of the shop owners upon me, reaching out and grabbing my hand. "We're so glad you're home safe! Lord Kazekage told us what happened and we just wanted to let you know we were rooting for you the whole time and that we hope those dirty Cloud ninja get what's coming to them."

Suddenly I was surrounded by a crowd of villagers, all telling me how worried they were when they found out about my coma and how happy there were to know I was recuperating nicely. Many made comments about Cloud ninja and retribution which shocked and bothered me. I had to excuse myself from the crowd, rushing to the hospital with a sudden realization. If all the villagers had some insight on what happened, maybe Ichina knew something as well. And if she did, she needed to tell me.

I found Ichina in the break room, sipping a drink and writing a report. She seemed baffled to see me. "Hey, you should be at home."

I shook my head. "I need to talk to you, in my office." I gestured for her to follow and walked to my office quickly, closing the door behind us.

"What's wrong Shinja?"

"A bunch of villagers just came up to me talking about my accident, how did they know about it?"

Immediate guilt highlighted her features. Ichina sighed rubbed her arm apologetically. "Well, after you first went into your coma, the Kazekage came back and addressed the village. He told everybody that you had been hurt by ninja from "the Cloud village" and that he had to return to Konoha and meet with Hokage before an emergency 'Kage summit."

"What?" My eyes widened. "Why did you keep this from me?"

"Look, Koshinja, don't be mad but the Kazekage came to me and said that because of how close we are, he wanted to update me on your status. He said that there was a chance you wouldn't wake up but that if you did, I shouldn't let you find out about this. I didn't ask why, I just did as I was told." Ichina crossed her arms. "I'm sorry."

I looked away from my friend and tried not to feel betrayed. I couldn't blame her for following orders- I would have done the same thing. So instead I sighed and sat at my desk, rubbing my temples and trying to get everything straight in my head.

"It's okay. I just…" I didn't want to bombard her with questions but I couldn't ignore the possibility that Gaara had told her more that'd happened. "Did he tell you anything else? Anything about why those ninja were there in the first place?"

She shook her head. "I only know what he told us in the address. I was simply instructed not to let you find out about it if you ever woke up. No one expected the villagers to approach you like that."

I sat down at my desk, sighing heavily and holding my head in my hands. All of this was so stressful and I didn't know what to do. I could help but feel like my life had been thrown into chaos. Opening my eyes I noticed a letter on my desk. Upon further examination, I saw that it was from Dr. Hirashi.

"That just came for you this morning. I was going to bring it by after work."

I nodded to Ichina before opening the letter.

Lady Koshinja,

It seems that an emergency has arisen, one that I don't believe you're aware of. Please come see me as soon as possible.

— Dr. Hirashi

A heavy feeling seeped into my stomach when I finished reading the short message and I couldn't help but feeling as though I'd jinxed myself. How long was it gonna be just one thing going wrong after another? Sighing, again, I got up from my chair, tucking the note away.

"What's wrong?"

"I have to go see my therapist, she says it's important."

Ichina looked worried as she walked over to me before resting her head on my shoulder. "You know it's gonna be okay right?"

"I really hope so."

Then I left, making my way to Dr. Hirashi's office.

…

I knocked on the office door and waited to be allowed entry. Once inside, I sat in one of the chairs opposite to Dr. Hirashi who wasted no time in getting to the point. She reached behind her desk and pulled out a packet of papers which to my dismay were typed. Typed documents were a sign of an official proceeding.

"Lord Kazekage wanted me to give you a few things. This is the first one."

I took the packet from her, nodding my thanks. A few seconds of panning and scanning the document it became clear that this was the official write up of the emergency summit Ichina had mentioned. I had to admit I was nervous. What I held in my hands was the truth, yes, but what worried me was the fact that Gaara had left it with our therapist. Why send the documents, why not just tell me himself? Pushing aside the worry I flipped to the last five pages, hoping that politics hadn't changed in the time I'd been out of commission and that everyone still repeated themselves unnecessarily until the very end. I started at the top of the page:

… conspiracies in the past. And if it's true that the previous Raikage entered into dealings with Orochimaru's Sound village, then you have no right to pursue the Sand who remains an enemy of the Sound.

 **Raikage** : I was not aware of the previous Raikage's secret dealings. Besides, the last I checked the Sound and the Sand were the opposite of enemies, having devised and collaborated an attack on the Leaf Village, one in which the Kazekage himself was a main factor.

 **Kazekage** : The event of which you speak took place nearly ten years ago. Since then the Sand has severed all ties with the Sound although it seems you Cloud have not. Jibun not only threatened the life of my wife but claimed that of one of my guards. Blood was shed by the hand of the Cloud long before it was by us.

 **Mizukage** : That may be Lord Kazekage but in the event of the death of a captured spy of a supposed ally, why not call for a meeting with the homeland of said spy? Instead you decided to meet with the Hokage as an exit strategy.

 **Hokage** : First of all, the Leaf village is not an exit strategy. Second of all, has every one at this table forgotten that we are ninja? Shinobi have sent spies to gather intel on both their allies and their enemies since the beginning. Is anyone here really willing to go to start a battle over something we've always done? Is any of this worth a war?

 **Kazekage** : My wife is worth a war.

 **Raikage** : What was the point of having us all assemble here today? What is it that you want Kazekage?

 **Kazekage** : What I desire, Raikage, is justice. All spouses of any 'Kage are officials themselves. The long-agreed upon punishment for those who attack shinobi officials without the expressive consent of their respective 'Kage is execution.

 **Raikage** : I will not have those men killed. From what they tell me, your wife confronted them willingly and so willingly neglected to defend herself against an attack. You may not have known but your sister has confirmed this to be true. If your wife dies, it's her own fault.

Kazekage: If my wife dies, I will rain hell upon your nation.

 **Tsuchikage** : Okay everyone needs to calm down. We're all friends here, we don't want any wars. Here's what I think—the bottom line is the Kazekage's right. Three of your shinobi broke a very important rule that our predecessors put in place for this exact reason. Regardless of what his wife may have or may not have wanted, they acted out of line. Attempting her life was wrong and like it or not Raikage, they have to pay.

 **Mizukage** : I agree. If this crime goes unpunished, the Sand will surely wage war. The Hokage has pledged assistant to them and so has the Stone. Even if the Mist were to stand with you, this would be an unnecessary and costly war in both money and life.

 **Raikage** : Do you really think my village will just accept the death of three of their shinobi? If I have them executed, even in the name of peace, the village will acquire an immediate resentment, if not hatred towards the Sand and our relations will inevitably deteriorate.

 **Kazekage** : Do not force my hand Raikage.

 **Hokage** : We can punish them WITHOUT killing them can't we? I mean surely…

I couldn't read any more as I pieced together what'd happened. This must have been why Temari was so furious with me, my actions could have potentially started a war. Everything was starting to make sense, well almost everything. "If this is why he was mad at me, why didn't he just say?"

Dr. Hirashi raised an eyebrow. "Those are official documents and as I don't have clearance to see them, I have no idea what those pages contain. Do you know why the Kazekage might have asked me to get them to you instead of doing it himself?"

I set the papers on her desk. "I have no clue. I haven't seen him in five days."

"Five days you say?" The doctor frowned deeply at me as she returned the packet to her desk drawer, producing another, thinner packet. "That's when the Kazekage came to see me. He also asked me to give these to you too." She paused. "And I'm sorry."

I reached for what she was handing me with apprehension. Upon reading the title, I understood why she seemed so regretful. "PETTITION FOR THE DISOLUTION OF MARRIAGE" was bolded at the top of the document. My mouth dried and I nearly dropped the papers. The only thing I could hear was the blood rushing past my ears as it left my face. I tried desperately to find my voice.

"He wants a divorce?"

Dr. Hirashi sighed. "That's what he said."

Maybe it was all the emotion flooding my body but I didn't understand the comment. "What do you mean?"

"Did he ask me for the divorce papers? Yes. Do I think he wants a divorce? No." She leaned forward on her hands. "When the Kazekage visited me he was very bothered and recounted for me a story that was very frightening. Koshinja, I don't know what it says in those papers you just read but whoever hurt you is dead now."

"He killed him?"

She shook her head. "He killed the entire team. Remnants of the Sand Spirit dwelling within him resurfaced and took over. He told me that he hadn't cared what the counsel thought and that he did was serve justice. I told him that perhaps from the beginning he hadn't wanted justice, but retribution instead." Dr. Hirashi leaned towards me then, making sure to look into my eyes. "He's afraid, Koshinja. He changing and he doesn't know why and I think he blames you for it."

I held the papers closer. "So what do I do?" I grit my teeth together. "Should I just submit to what he wants or, or—"

"You can fight it or you can allow it to happen. All of his signatures are already in there. If you sign those papers, it's over."

"But I don't want it to be over." I swallowed.

"Koshinja," Her voice was soft, coddling. "You have to do what's best for the both of you."

"But how do I know what's best!" I shouted, rising to my feet, most likely startling Dr. Hirashi. "He never talks to me! I didn't even know this is how he felt because he left me alone in the hospital room once I'd woken up and then he left me alone again as soon as I got here. I mean, what is he so fucking afraid of?"

"You're very unpredictable Koshinja and for a man like the Kazekage, that's a lot to adjust to. Maybe he's afraid of what you represent." Dr. Hirashi offered. But I wouldn't accept it.

"Oh no, he's not afraid of me. Not yet he's not."

All the fear and all the panic was slowly melting away and as I gripped the divorce papers tighter in my hand and left Dr. Hirashi's office, I was mostly filled with rage. How dare she insinuate I just abandon my marriage? She should know by now that I'll fight for the things I want and as I made my way to Kankuro's house, the only thing I wanted was an explanation. Someone told me once when I was a child that you can't control when a relationship ends, that if someone wants to break up with you they will. But I'm an adult now and I'm calling bullshit on that.

Kankuro's house was pretty close and I made it there in record time. I banged on his door and tried to calm my breathing as someone scrambled inside. The door swung open to reveal a very surprised and half-naked Kankuro.

"Koshinja, what're you—"

"Let me in Kankuro, I need to speak with him." I demanded.

Kankuro stuttered. "Uh, he's not here right now."

I raised an eyebrow and tried to push past him. "Move Kankuro, this is important."

"Koshinja I'm not lying, he's not here." He put his hand on his hip, adamant not to let me pass into the house.

"Then where is he?"

"I don't think—"

"Well, well, well," A voice filtered through the open door, a horrible, nasty, putridly sweet voice. "Look who we have here." Murikami appeared, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a lace thong. "Looking for your husband I see."

"This doesn't concern you."

"You drove him out of your house, drove him out of this house- bet he knew you wouldn't leave him alone." She crossed her arms and smirked. "I wonder just how far he'll have to go to get away from you."

Before her next breath I'd punched Murikami so hard in the face that I'd accidentally stumbled inside. She fell to the ground, stunned. But I, I was livid.

"Shut the fuck up you bitch! I don't know just what the hell crawled up your ass when we met but you have been nothing but disrespectful and I've had enough of your shit! Say one more word to me and I swear to god I will wreck you and make sure you stay in my hospital until the day someone forgets to put a brake on your bed and you roll out of a four story window!" I whirled on Kankuro who put up his hands defensively. "Now where is he?"

"He went back to his old apartment. It's the building right next to the academy." he revealed hurriedly.

"Thank you." I said. Before leaving I looked back as Kankuro went to help Murikami whose now crooked nose was bleeding profusely. "And Kankuro, as a friend, I'm telling you that you can do way better." Then I left, hurrying to find Gaara and trying not to consider the blinding sunset a bad omen.

* * *

 ** _A/N:_ Finally got it up! I hope everyone had a marvelous Christmas and continues to have a great New Year. I also hope you liked this chapter because I had so much fun writing it. The next one should be up relatively soon considering I'm already half way finished with it. As always thanks for all of the reviews and the support as they are continually appreciated and will never not be .**


	15. Consummation

15\. Consummation

It didn't take long before I found the building Kankuro had described to me and under normal circumstances I would've considered it nice, and quiet, quaint even. But looking up at the mid-sized structure, I felt only resentment. I didn't waste any time, rushing up the stairs and into the small lobby where a little old lady reading a newspaper sat behind a desk. I went up to her.

"Excuse me ma'am—"

"Room 201."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "But you don't even know what I was going to ask."

"I know you're Lady Koshinja as your picture's here in the paper. Pretty little thing like you crashes through those doors with the wrath of the devil himself— how could you not be looking for your husband?" She looked at me suggestively over her newspaper. "Or boyfriend."

"Husband." I confirmed.

I saw her eyes drift to the papers in my hands. How she could make out what it said, I didn't know. "Soon to be ex-husband it seems."

I gritted my teeth. "Not if I have anything to say about it."

"Room 201." She repeated, turning back to her paper. I thanked her and headed for the stairs, taking them two at a time. I watched the numbers go by in a blur until 201 came up, threatening me with its gleam in the relative darkness of the hallway. I tried the door first, finding it locked. So I banged on it without hesitation.

There was no response. "I know you're there Gaara, let me in." I lied. For all I knew he could be out doing God-knows-what just to avoid me. When there was no response, I had to force down Murikami's words and the doubt associated with them. I looked to the floor, noticing the light coming from underneath the door, confirming what I'd assumed. I pounded on the wood harder. "Don't make me knock this fucking door down to get to you!" Nothing. I clutched the papers tighter in my grip, resorting to threats, running out of options. "Gaara, I swear to God, if you don't let me in there I will make such a heinous scene here tonight that whenever people look at you from now on they will associate you with the biggest bitch-fit to ever be thrown in this village."

The door creaked open and I took the opportunity to push my way inside. Gaara was standing a few feet away from me, looking at me the way a parent might look at their child when they throw tantrums in public. But I didn't care.

"What the fuck are these?" I held up the papers accusingly for him to see.

"You've been to see Dr. Hirashi then."

"I'm not signing these." I stated. I was angry and beyond betrayed, had been since the dreadful things were handed to me barely an hour ago. There was a hurt emanating from somewhere deep inside me that I felt I needed to make known to him.

He looked at me tiredly. "And why not?"

"Because this— divorce— isn't a decision you get to make alone, Gaara!" I threw the papers down and they spread out onto the floor between us. "How dare you even think that for one second I'd be okay with this shit."

"It isn't shit."

"Then what is it? Huh?" My heart was pounding, mind racing, trying to understand what he was playing at, what his intentions were behind all of this. "Are- are you trying to teach me a lesson-"

"Koshinja, please-"

"- or maybe punishing me? What could I have possibly done to deserve you leaving me?"

I don't think he'd heard it until then, how upset I actually was, because his eyes widened and he sighed. "I don't want to talk about this."

I put my hands on my hips. "Well tough shit because you need to fucking explain yourself. You don't get to blame me for any of this without some type of explanation."

He looked confused. "Why do you think I blame you?"

"It isn't so hard to tell. I mean, Gaara," Despite myself, my voice cracked. "You won't even look at me."

A guilty expression crossed his face but he remained silent. I'd told myself I was going to be strong, show him my tenacity, my resolve, but in this moment all I felt like doing was crumbling. I wanted so badly to just beg him to come back, not go through everything I was feeling, but there was so much at stake here for me and I had to make him see. So I crossed over to him, stepping over the divorce papers and reached for his hands. But he drew away, attention on the ground. "I thought we'd decided to see each other through, to the end. Wasn't that what we agreed?" I had to stop myself from actually grabbing his face when I commanded "Gaara look at me!"

"I can't." It was almost a whisper.

"Why not?" I demanded. "If you're planning on ending this marriage, don't I at least deserve to know why?"

He did look at me then, fully in the face, a piercing, heartbroken, angry stare that I didn't understand. "Not when I still do not know why you thought it best to allow someone to take your life."

The hostility of the statement came as a shock. I knew he was referencing the reason why I'd been in the hospital when we were back in Konoha. "I can't even remember—"

"And yet I can. Every time I look at you, everything is happening once more." He balled his hands into shaky fists and I could see in his eyes that he was remembering. "When I carried you back to the Leaf Village, you were dying in my arms, and I was powerless to stop it. You have no idea what that's like- feeling the life slip away from someone you care for, someone you should have protected. And when they told me you would not awaken, I could not even bring myself to wash your blood from my clothing. Then," Gaara was angry, trembling slightly. But I still didn't understand, only listened on, hoping for a clearer explanation, for a point. "Then I discovered that you'd _allowed_ it to happen— allowed an enemy ninja to strike you down in the name of penance. Something deep inside of me, something I thought I'd tamed long ago, resurfaced. I left the hospital, found those who'd attacked us still lurking nearby, and killed them all."

"Dr. Hirashi told me." I said reluctantly. "But you didn't need to—"

He shook his head, some semblance of calm returning to his form. "But I did. I placed all the blame on them for what'd happened to you. Yet even after they were gone, I realized how much I held you at fault. Koshinja, every day I stayed by your side I spent realizing, over and over again, that I didn't want to lose you but that you… you didn't care enough to stay with me." He kept his eyes on my face. "When I look at you, I remember that."

The burning feeling in my chest intensified. I didn't remember anything, but I had a feeling that my actions, if truly for atonement, had been completely selfish. I didn't want to insult him by apologizing but I was at a loss for words. I saw the pain in his face and realized that I'd dragged this man, the man I love, into the depths of his darkness and scared him in such a way that he might not recover.

"Fine." I wiped away some tears. "If you don't want me anymore, if you want to end it, I understand. I fucked up and I hurt you, I didn't mean to, but I did. But you didn't have to do it like this- avoiding me and lying to me and keeping me away. You could have talked to me, given me the papers yourself. I mean, do I mean so little to you that—"

"You mean _everything_ to me." He'd suddenly taken a step forward, frightening me. He did not yell, but spoke only soft words. "How can you not understand that?" Slowly he closed the distance between us and placed a hand on my face, forcing my blurry eyes to his tortured ones. "But, Koshinja, we're changing each other. You've set aside all your rules and your codes by marrying a shinobi, a 'Kage, and I'm failing to predict my own actions. How then can I keep my promise to protect you? You came too close this time, something I will not allow to happen again."

I grabbed at his hand, holding it tightly and desperately searching his bruised expression for a willingness to understand. "Don't push me away because you're afraid of what you're feeling, Gaara. I spent two weeks thinking I was dead and in that time, there was only you. Please don't make me be without you because the truth is," It was scary, yet the feeling in my heart was staid and I knew that when I spoke, I was absolute. "The truth is I'd rather face losing you in death than losing you in life."

Disbelief and dread flickered in his gaze. "You shouldn't say such things."

"I mean it." My stare was unwavering, despite the tears. "All the time you spent hiding from me left me so empty. Everything has been lacking. You're in every piece of my life now and when I looked around and you weren't there, everything was so wrong. You're the only thing that can make it right again." I leaned a kiss into his hand. "I love you."

Astonishment crossed his face. "You do?"

"I do. And you're right, I don't care about my life but that's because it isn't mine anymore. I don't want it without you so take it. You can have it forever." I brought his forehead down to mine, holding his face with just my fingertips. "So come back home." I kissed him as I pleaded. "Whatever problems we have, we can fix them. If you need me to change, I'll do that for you. Please, I don't want to feel like this anymore. Just- just stay with me, alright?" I kissed him again and he returned it.

"Okay."

Tears fell off my lips as they left his. "Okay?"

"Yes."

It felt like he was crashing into me when he grabbed my face and kissed me fully on the mouth. Never before had I shared such a breathtaking kiss with him. My heart felt like it was deciding whether or not to free itself from my chest as I felt him move his thumb to wipe my tears away. He was tense and smelled like the room and his face was wet with my tears but it was him and I loved it. I pushed so much relief into that kiss, I needed him to feel the hope he'd given me by agreeing to stay. I needed him to feel that I loved him.

We stumbled through the small living room. Our steps were misguided and frantic and I didn't know where I was going, or rather where he was taking me. But he could lead me anywhere and— barefoot or broken— I would follow. I just wanted to be close to him, so badly that I couldn't stop the fucking tears. My lips trembled around his when I tried to control the raw feeling berating the insides of my chest. He paused, pulling away, allowing me to recapture the breath he'd stolen.

"I don't want me crying to ruin this moment." I remarked, smiling as I sniffled.

He shook his head and pressed his forehead to mine, moving strands of hair behind my ear and making sure our eyes were locked. "Nothing could ruin this moment."

I nodded, trusting him, as he helped me onto the bed. I watched with a new anticipation, new fascination, as he climbed in after me. When his fingers landed on my thighs, guiding my legs closer to him, I gasped at the heat of the contact. His touches were searing but fell short in comparison to the fervor consuming his expression as he hovered over me. My brows creased in apprehension. The last time we'd tried this, it hadn't worked. I was fearful of the same result but tried my hardest to ignore that anxiety as he leaned in and took my mouth in his once more. He moved one of his hands from my thighs to my wrist and raised it above my head, sliding it forward until our fingers interlocked.

We had to be moving fast, burning through one another as if we might run out, as if by taking this step we might wake to find the other had disappeared. Yet everything was so slow for me, so drawn out and important. When I lifted my arms for him to raise my shirt above my head, the fabric soothed the spots on my chest where he'd placed hard, needy kisses. When I did the same to him, I could feel the muscles in his stomach clench and relax at my touch. His body seemed so new to me, like I was encountering him for the first time. His red tresses were delicate and soft beneath my fingertips when I buried my hands into his hair. His small gasps and moans were sweet, sensual encouragement. When I nipped at his skin, it tasted strangely of mint and salt, a mixture I grew to love very quickly. His usual smell of oak and ink was much more potent, assaulting my senses with its intensity. And in the moments in which we'd parted to breathe or to just appreciate one another, I took in all of him. He was intoxicating and I was drunk with the passion he was bestowing upon me.

We were abandoning any sense of self, getting recklessly lost in one another. And like Philemon and Baucus, I no longer knew where he ended and I began. Sweat from his body mixed with mine and between us there was a new aroma, what I suspected love smelled like. I rubbed my thighs against his hips slowly, rhythmically, but there was no rush. For once, we took our time. We did it right. Our movements were fluid and perfectly matched, slowing drawing us into one another. The feeling inside of my chest was explosive and grew more so every time our eyes met. My desire for him was so intense that it would fizzle and reignite with every kiss, with every caress, with every moan. My God, it was scary how close I was to him, how intimate and transcendental it felt entangling myself with him. We may not have even been two people anymore— at some points I could no longer tell. Staring up at the ceiling as the friction between us began to manifest, the realization that I had almost missed this experience with him hit me hard. Abruptly I sat up and wrapped my arms around him, our chests bare and pressed against each other. Gaara paused but returned the embrace.

"When I came here tonight, I wasn't sure that after we talked you'd still want to be with me." I whispered. "I thought I was gonna lose you."

He leaned into my neck and I could feel him soundlessly stroking my hair. "I was hasty, overly so, and for that I apologize. I'm not very fond of having things in my life I cannot control." He pulled away from me and pressed a gentle kiss into my hand before seizing my gaze. "I'm not able to predict what comes next. And yet, if this is the price I must pay in order to love you, then so be it."

I smiled, taking his hand in both of mine. I was nervous, excited, and sincere. "I want you to have me tonight so I'm giving myself to you in the most lasting way I know how."

He returned the smile, understanding. "Consummation."

I nodded in agreement as he moved his hand and rested it at the small of my back and I shivered slightly at the sensation. I placed soft kisses on his collarbone as he maneuvered my shorts around the curve of my bottom and then off completely. The panties went too, landing somewhere over the edge of the bed to join the rest of our discarded garments. I pushed him softly into the mattress and gripped the waistband of his pants. His hips rose from the bed slightly as I removed his clothing too. He looked so beautiful, smooth pale skin and crimson hair contrasted against the dark background of the sheets. I reached for his arousal before getting more comfortable and slowly allowing myself on top of him. He shuddered and I leaned into his chest, wincing and breathing somewhat harder. If I remembered correctly, it had been almost a month since the last time we'd been together like this so I found myself needing a moment to readjust. His hands were on my hips and the light pressure his fingertips were pressing into my skin was soothing. Slowly I moved backwards, groaning with him as I slid onto him fully. Gaara moaned as I continued to move, panting a little. It felt good, of course, but it was something more this time and I forced myself upwards so that I might continue to feel it. I leaned and rested my hands on his thighs, moving myself higher and coming down harder. Our moans were louder, and more prolonged with every movement and I could feel the sweet sensation beginning to build.

Suddenly he'd changed our positions so that I was on my back and he was on his knees, holding my legs up from behind my knees so that they were draped over his forearms. His pace was picking up and although usually I would have closed my eyes to relish in the pleasure, somehow it felt wrong to do so. I couldn't take my eyes off of him besides. His eyelids were heavy with pleasure as he looked down at me, mouth slightly parted and gasping. His chest was tightening, stomach clenching as he changed the tempo, alternating between slower and harder thrusts. When finally he leaned down, his hands at either sides of me, I threw my arms around him. The result was a fairly deep thrust, one that, although we'd intended to kiss one another, had both of our mouths faintly agape and letting shaky breaths escape into the room. His stare was so hot, so deep, so loving, and I had never before experienced such a powerful connection. Suddenly he tensed and I instinctively held him tighter, drawing him impossibly close as he came. I was soon to follow, quivering around him so sweetly that tremors continued to pass through our bodies even after the climax. Then, unable to hold himself above me, he collapsed. I laughed a little and he smiled, both of us out of breath. Turning over somewhat he pressed a tender kiss onto my temple. He didn't have to say it because at that point I was certain.

That night, between those sheets, we'd finally found each other. Whatever fears we'd once had were crushed under the weight of the conception of a deeper connection between us. I'd never held him so close, so brazenly, and he'd never opened up to me like he had. Lying next to him I laid all my worries to rest. With his love came an absolute trust and a devotion I was thrilled to have discovered. I noticed him becoming the only certain thing in my life and I decided I never wanted to leave his side.

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 **A/N: Yay, we finally got to it! I've been super excited about this chapter for a while now, I had the first half written a few weeks ago but couldn't finish it until the previous chapter was up. The second half, however, was a bit difficult to write. I'm still not a 100% on it. So please, I would really appreciate your guys' thoughts on this chapter. Any suggestions for improvement are gladly welcomed! I really hope I didn't disappoint.**

 **In other news, I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be the last chapter of this story. We're at the finish line *woot woot* but I must admit when I started writing this fic, I never knew it would turn into what it has. Thanks for the continued support! Truly, you all are what keeps me writing 3.**


	16. Update: 4-6-16

I wanted to let everyone know that I have every intention to finish this story, maybe even perhaps beyond its originally intended stopping point. However, since I took a fiction workshop class this semester, I had to forfeit most of my writing time to it. With finals closing in and move-out day quickly approaching (I'll be living in an apartment next year, so excited), I realistically won't be able to get back into this story until late May. But thank you all for your continued support and patience. I'll do my best not to disappoint.


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